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Diana’s story

by vampricone6783


*Diana is a character from my story “Merry Xmas”. This is her origin. Reading “Merry Xmas” and “The Chriselle family’s story” will help you understand this one. Gacha Club character designs are on my wall. Enjoy!*

In New York City, present times, there lived a rich (but lonely) woman named Diana.

Diana had a husband, Gregory, whom she loved dearly, who had died last year. She always wanted children, but she could never birth any of her own.

Diana not only had a strong love for family, but she also had a strong love for the paranormal and always brought up the story of the legendary Chriselle family around others. (The Chriselles were a family who lived in New York during the 1860s. A woman known as Rebecca Chriselle, a man known as Sandy Chriselle, a boy known as Jackson Chriselle and a girl known as Susan Chriselle.) The family was rich, like Diana. Unlike her, however, they were robbed.

Rebecca left for a wealthier man and the rest of them became homeless and died on Christmas Day.

It is rumored that Sandy’s ghost killed Rebecca, but that was not confirmed.

Most people thought she was awkward when she brought up ghost stories, especially the Chriselle family. They didn’t want to talk to her because of it.

Sure, she had all the money in the world, but she wanted to talk to people.

Too bad others couldn’t handle her eccentricities..


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Fri Dec 09, 2022 3:11 pm
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HarryHardy wrote a review...



Good Morning/Afternoon/Evening/Night(whichever one it is in your part of the world),

Hi! I'm here to leave a quick review!!

Anyway let's get right to it,

In New York City, present times, there lived a rich (but lonely) woman named Diana.

Diana had a husband, Gregory, whom she loved dearly, who had died last year. She always wanted children, but she could never birth any of her own.

Diana not only had a strong love for family, but she also had a strong love for the paranormal and always brought up the story of the legendary Chriselle family around others. (The Chriselles were a family who lived in New York during the 1860s. A woman known as Rebecca Chriselle, a man known as Sandy Chriselle, a boy known as Jackson Chriselle and a girl known as Susan Chriselle.) The family was rich, like Diana. Unlike her, however, they were robbed.


Okayy, it seems this one here happens to be one of those stories that's set in a bit more of a present time than the origin of the supernatural beings themselves, at least from the sort of introduction that we receive here, that is the vibe that I am getting for the moment.

And moving onto the introduction to Diane's character here, you've managed to create quite the interesting description. It is very simple to the point of being almost just a couple of lines and yet those lines actually manage to have a bit more depth than the typical one line character descriptions that one tends to run into. It also sets up quite the moment with all of these ghosts here.

Rebecca left for a wealthier man and the rest of them became homeless and died on Christmas Day.

It is rumored that Sandy’s ghost killed Rebecca, but that was not confirmed.

Most people thought she was awkward when she brought up ghost stories, especially the Chriselle family. They didn’t want to talk to her because of it.

Sure, she had all the money in the world, but she wanted to talk to people.

Too bad others couldn’t handle her eccentricities..


Okayy well that was just about starting to get pretty exciting there although it seems we have a bit of an abrupt cut off there. I don't now if its intentional somehow to showcase a bit of a cliffhanger of some sorts because it is I don't think it really quite works out to plan here.

Its a nice little cascade that you start there and it really does set off towards something of a climax but I feel like you do kind of end the story ever so slightly before that actual climax than at its peak. I think all this needs is just a little bit more to be written.

Aaaaand that's it for this one.

As always remember to take what you think was helpful and forget the rest.

Stay Safe
Harry




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Wed Dec 07, 2022 5:42 am
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jisrahinav wrote a review...



Nice story. I read it and it sounds like a true of someone in the past. I reminds me of a made-up story that Mom made whenever I would cry, an lady who died and had lost one of her loved ones. I realized you like making stories about ghosts and vampires which is pretty cool. This gives us a learning lesson that even that someone has all the money in the world but that person may be very sad in the inside without anyone knowing. Over all, I enjoyed the short story. Keep it up!




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Sat Nov 26, 2022 5:01 pm
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Horisun wrote a review...



Hello! I hope you're having a great day or night!
I initially read through this without going back to reread 'Merry Xmas' and 'The Chriselle Family,' and was, at first, a little confused. However, after reading them (both of which were great in their own right) I found this story to be a wonderful addition to the narrative, providing some added context we wouldn't have had otherwise.
However, I did find a lot of it to be quite repetitive. The entire middle section is information readers already would've known if they read your other stories, as is Diana being rich, lonely, and obsessed with ghost stories. So while it does make for a good character bio, it doesn't feel like a story.
Here, I have a suggestion, but feel free not to take this seriously-
Instead of telling us that Diana is eccentric, or interested in ghosts, you could show us how she first came to learn about the Chriselles. Maybe she just moved in with her husband, and the two of them take notice of the rundown building across the street. Maybe she investigates and uncovers the ghosts grisly fates.
Of course, that's only one way you could add more meat to your story. You have a really cool concept here, and I'd love to see it fleshed out just a tad more!
So, keep on writing, and have a great day! :D






Thx for your review!




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