Young Writers Society

Hello Again, My Friend!

It's me, Raven, and I'd like to review your new story using my Familiar method today! Let's dive in, shall we? Heh heh heh...

What The Black Eyes See...

Now this was an interesting one to read! I believe I've heard of Candy Pop, but April Fools is new to me, so my curiosity was piqued. The dynamic you gave them in this story was adorable, tragic, and creepy all bundled up into one creepypasta-themed treat that leaves me wanting to know more about these characters! Let's get into the details though.

Where The Dagger Points...

No complaints about content in the slightest! Despite its short length, I enjoyed the story very much and wouldn't make any recommendations! Nor could I spot any typos or the like. There was one very minor structure-related bit that I would remark upon as a bit of advice, free to take or leave:

“You don’t need to eat souls. That’s Night Terrors talking. Don’t listen to the demon, he doesn’t own you.” April Fools said, putting a comforting hand on his back.

It felt like the dialogue tag came a bit late here. Perhaps move it closer to the beginning of the dialogue, e.g; "You don't need to eat souls," April Fools said, putting a comforting hand on his back. "That's Night Terrors talking." And the exposition regarding the cursed mirror could begin in a new paragraph, that way it stands out more.

Of course, I am not a professional, so please always take my advice with a grain of salt. I do not mean to be negative either, I enjoyed the story regardless ~

Why The Grin Widened...

You truly are great at condensing so many great moments into just a few paragraphs. The opening of eating cupcakes in their own carnival, on Valentine's Day, with the *romantic* ambiance of lost souls was such an adorable Gothic romance moment to open the story.

I like you staggered and bold-typed Candy Pop's line, to emphasize a struggle and the tone of a demon speaking through him. It really helped create a certain mood and boost the creepiness.

And last but not least, of course, this right here:

She would try her best to calm him down, like she always did, but it never worked.

Nevertheless, she wouldn’t stop trying.

Showing April Fools's dedication to her lover with her endless attempts to calm him down was the perfect way to capture their tragic romance, and the seemingly endless battle against Night Terrors.

Our Mad Thoughts...

Overall, this was another great short story! And now I'm going to look more into April Fools and Candy Pop, lol. Nicely done!

Good Morning/Afternoon/Evening/Night(whichever one it is in your part of the world),

Hi! I'm here to leave a quick review!!

First Impression: This is a nice little snippet that we've got here. There's quite the little tale packed into it. The characters also seem fairly fleshed out here despite us only getting to meet them for such a short time.

Anyway let's get right to it,

April Fools grinned as she bit into the cupcake. She and her husband, Candy Pop, were together in their carnival. His sister, Candy Cane, was off dancing in the forest, so they had the whole carnival to themselves, save for the lost souls that screamed.

Candy Pop and April Fools were simply eating cupcakes together in the carnival. It was Valentine’s Day, but she didn’t need an elaborate date. All she wanted was the sweet, goofy jester she fell in love with. Candy Pop had put away his mallet, and he was just like his old self, giggling and snarfing down on cupcakes.

Well for a story about a curse and creepypastas we're certainly off to a pretty wholesome little start here. I'm sure that's going to change quite quickly, but I love the way this starts. It leads you into a nice little bit of false expectation as you think this is going to be a more happy Valentine's story. But I suppose we're about to find out here.

Then, in what seemed like a millisecond, he spat out the cupcake in disgust.

“Souls…souls…I need…souls…need to…feed…” Candy Pop gargled out of his sharp-toothed mouth.

“You don’t need to eat souls. That’s Night Terrors talking. Don’t listen to the demon, he doesn’t own you.” April Fools said, putting a comforting hand on his back. Ever since he looked into the cursed mirror, the demon called Night Terrors had joined with him and used him to collect souls and gain more power. It was a constant battle between Candy Pop and Night Terrors, a battle that lasted for many centuries.

Welp that happened rather quickly, although it is interesting that we are seeing an attempt to combat it. I was honestly expecting April Fools to just go with it and then proceed to wreak havoc together, but it seem we're trying to actively fight against the urge to be evil there. That certainly is quite rare to see.

Candy Pop broke away from April Fools, growling as he did so.

“Souls…must…feed…NOW.” Candy Pop snarled.

She could see the fear in his eyes, the eyes that called out desperately for help, but heard the evil in his voice, the evil that didn’t belong to him.

Candy Pop ran off to find his mallet, April Fools chased after him. She would try her best to calm him down, like she always did, but it never worked.

Nevertheless, she wouldn’t stop trying.

Well that was quite the ending. I do love the little cliffhanger here. Just Candy Pop charging off into the unknown and April Fools charging after. The idea that this little struggle is fated to just keep going makes it a rather fitting ending I think. ALthough I will say given how short this is and how intriguing this whole thing seems I kind kind of wish we had a little more backstory on this curse or saw a bit more of what Candy pop would get up to.

Aaaaand that's it for this one.

Overall: Overal this is quite a nice little story you've got here. Honestly my only gripe about this one is that we don't have more of it. It just seems really interesting to get more of a look at what happens next. Not that this doesn't work like this. I think the ending to this is rather good to. That sort of this is about to continue happening for a really long while is a really nice note to end on.

As always remember to take what you think was helpful and forget the rest.

Stay Safe
Kate