Good Morning/Afternoon/Evening/Night(whichever one it is in your part of the world),
Hi! I'm here to leave a quick review!!
First Impression: Another lovely origin story to add to the mix here. This one's not quite as unique given its connected to something else here, but I like the way you portrayed how Auriella was forced into this life, especially showcasing quite how ruthless Ipos is as a person.
Anyway let's get right to it,
Once upon a time,there was a young woman named Auriella,who was happily dating a man named Lucifer.He was annoying and rude to her,but she still saw a chance in him.
One day,Auriella received horrid news on the death of her younger sister,who was only twenty-five years old.She had her blood drained.
Auriella was devastated.What could have happened to her?
She then got a call from a strange man who said his name was Ipos.The call went like this:
Oooh well this is quite the intense start and I do believe Ipos' story at the perfect time not too long ago to be able to understand exactly where this whole thing is coming from at the moment. I can't wait see where this takes us. The shock of the sisters showing up like that is already working to draw me in.
"I have been tracking you down.I'm a vampire.I killed your sister.If you want the rest of your family to live,you're going to have to meet me in the woods.I'll have friends with me."
"Why would you do something like that?!"
Auirella screamed into the phone.
"I saw your potential.I want you to be a vampire.You could be stronger with us.So,if killing a family member is what will make you come to me,then I'll do it." He said.He hung up.
Auriella was frightened.She called the police and told them about this creepy and insane stalker who claimed he was a vampire and wanted her to be one.
She recorded the conversation,too,so they could know what was going on.
Auriella did NOT go to the woods.She had a bad feeling about it.
Auriella went to bed.....
Oh wow that was a lot more direct and powerful than I thought it would. I imagine Ipos more as a smooth talking person that tricked these people and then went about with bringing the pain and the suffering, but this seems an entirely different flavor of evil with more brutal murder and some very direct attacks on these people. It makes the whole situation that much more powerful
She woke up in a dimly lit room that looked like a basement.A tall man clad in black was standing over her,with blood dripping from his lips.There were other people dressed in black,but she only focused on him.
"What did you do to me?!" She screamed.
"I'm Ipos and I turned you into a vampire.Now,join me and my vampire cult and no one gets hurt." He said.
"What?! Vampires aren't real! Let me go!" Auriella screamed.
"Yes,they are.Look at this footage." Ipos handed her a camera.
Oh wow, this is really moving very fast here. It seems Ipos is absolutely not ready for anything even in the neighborhodd of no but is instead just diving straight in to get exactly what he wants regardless of what anyone else thinks.
It was a video of her being tied up in a basement,Ipos was feeding her human food and she spit it out.Then,he fed her blood and she drank it all.
"This took place after I turned you into one." Ipos said.
"Okay,if vampires are real,why would you threaten to kill my family to make me one? What is going on?" Auriella asked.
"We needed new people to recruit in our vampire cult.We have been watching you and realized you would be perfect.We knew you wouldn't willingly agree to become a vampire,so we killed your sister and planned to kill your entire family to get you to agree." Ipos said.The other people nodded.
Well that's certainly one way to do something. You can see just how ruthless Ipos is and how little he cares for literally anyone who isn't himself. One slight issue I see on this one though is that the other people watching this unfold seem to appear a little too suddenly out of thin air. I think you could either just do without them given they don't actually seem to do anything or make their presence a bit clearer.
Auirella walked up to a window and stuck her hand out.It was a sunny day outside.
"OWWW!! IT HURTS!" She screamed.Her hand was scalding hot,on fire,the orange flames dancing on her skin.
She quickly took her hand out.
"I told you that you were a vampire." Ipos said.
"I just wanted to test something out." Auriella said.
Well I suppose this world does play by the more traditional rules of the vampire genre. That's a good moment to establish something like that, you always want magical things like this to have there limits clearly established.
"How am I supposed to trust you?" She asked him.
"You have no other choice." He said.
She put the jacket on.
"I'll agree to be in your stupid cult.Only so you don't hurt my family." Auriella said,walking out the door.
The jacket did work.She didn't burn up.
So,now Auriella is in a vampire cult.
Ahhh I love how powerful the simple matter of fact declaration that Auriealla has no choice is. I think honestly as much as this showcases quite how tragic Auriella life turned out to be, it also does a wonderful job showcasing how ruthless Ipos became.
Aaaaand that's it for this one.
Overall: Overall, another powerful piece this one. I think perhaps one of the more powerful origin stories in terms of the sheer amount that Auriella ended up suffering especially given in the end she's still alive and having to serve the whims of this ruthless master.
As always remember to take what you think was helpful and forget the rest.
Stay Safe
Harry
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Reviews: 4101
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