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Annetta and Jacob-Clowns,Magic,Murder and Lies

by vampricone6783


*This is from the perspective of Conrad,Philippa and Lily’s parents.You can look at Gacha Club character designs on my wall.

Once,there were two people named Annetta and Jacob Morison.

They had three children,Conrad Morison (Who was an adult),Philippa Morison (An over emotional teenager,in their opinion) and three year old Lily Morison.(Annoying,but she didn't bother them).

Annetta and Jacob owned a circus,because it helped them make money and provide for their family.They couldn't have time on things like feelings and talking to their kids.

No time for that at all.

So,if anyone complained,it was their fault.

Too bad they didn't realize what would become of their kids if they didn't notice them..



A/N:I realize that this is not one of my best stories.But I have a question.Please answer this honestly:Do you as the reader of my stories think that I right good stories or that I’m a tryhard? Please let me know.I enjoy writing paranormal/supernatural/romance (And humor) stories and I only want to get better.


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34 Reviews

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Wed May 17, 2023 8:54 pm
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SkyVibes wrote a review...



I think it is definitely short. But I don’t think you’re a try hard. You are very good at choosing words and making a story worth the read. I really like reading your other stories bcs there is a lot of suspense and mystery which is something I really like in books. And also I like that the stories can continue to something a lot more and how you include backgrounds to each characters instead of leaving it to writing the background of several characters in one story.
I personally like the hunt for doing the research for your characters by looking through the many stories you’re written for one character Im interested in for that moment. Your stories are worth the read! You are not a try hard!!
And so what if people say you are? If writing is something you enjoy then do it!!




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Mon Dec 19, 2022 9:54 am
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KateHardy wrote a review...



Good Morning/Afternoon/Evening/Night(whichever one it is in your part of the world),

Hi! I'm here to leave a quick review!!

Anyway let's get right to it,

Once,there were two people named Annetta and Jacob Morison.

They had three children,Conrad Morison (Who was an adult),Philippa Morison (An over emotional teenager,in their opinion) and three year old Lily Morison.(Annoying,but she didn't bother them).

Annetta and Jacob owned a circus,because it helped them make money and provide for their family.They couldn't have time on things like feelings and talking to their kids.

No time for that at all.

So,if anyone complained,it was their fault.

Too bad they didn't realize what would become of their kids if they didn't notice them..


Hmm this one is incredibly short here, perhaps a little too short here. Once again we are presented with a pretty strong idea, and one that is somehow yet again so different from what we saw earlier and therefore really does manage to stand out. However this one I feel doesn't necessarily manage to do enough. It feels sort of like its just an idea here.

You've got the buildings block here for another lovely story, distinct and yet powerful in its own right like a lot of your stories tend only this time once you've established the general sort of start of proceedings here that is pretty much the whole story here. I feel like you could try and do a lot more with this piece than just what you have here.

And before I leave to answer your question there from everything I've read in the past, I think as I've said in several of your stories I do enjoy them. Sure they do need a bit of polishing in some areas, but the core ideas and premises are always so fun and you manage to write so many stories in the same genre in a similar style sound so varied and unique with all the exciting things you include and its really fun to read most of them. Your stories also definitely seem to be getting better and better as you go on too. :)

Aaaaand that's it for this one.

As always remember to take what you think was helpful and forget the rest.

Stay Safe
Harry




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Sun Mar 27, 2022 9:20 pm
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IcyFlame wrote a review...



Hi vampricone - I'm back for another installment of the Magic, Murders and Lies!

I think in the future it might be better for you to post a few of these short ones in one post. It's completely up to you, but that way you utilise your points more and don't spend them all to post something so short. I'll of course review it nonetheless, but just something to consider.

They had three children,Conrad Morison (who was an adult),Philippa Morison (and over emotional teenager,in their opinion) and three year old Lily Morison.(annoying,but she didn't bother them)

The descriptions in brackets are things you can expand on. Instead of putting it in brackets, show us through a flashback perhaps how annoying Lily could be? This is a good example of where you can show, rather than tell (YWS has some good resources on this in more detail if you're interested).

I don't really understand the end of this story, it feels unfinished. Is it something that links into the other stories or is this like a chapter one?

To answer your question, I don't think anyone is a bad writer and if you are taking on the feedback of the reviewers of your work you can only be getting better. There's a saying that comparison is the thief of joy and it's hard to stop comparing yourself to other people on YWS especially when there are a lot of very talented writers on here. The best advice I can give you is to keep trying, keep taking on that feedback and to have a good look through the knowledge base for some articles that might help you! The other good thing to do is a lot of reading, it helps you know what styles work.

Keep writing!

Icy




vampricone6783 says...


Okay,thanks.



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Sun Mar 27, 2022 4:52 pm
BeingRivy wrote a review...



Hi @vampricone6783 .
It’s @BeingRivy, I know you think this isn’t your best work the one above, but I actually think this could work great as a hook. I mean I read some of your stories, but I forgot their title of those stories. I love the one about the villain making a loophole of (once you enter the exit, you come back to the place you need to exit). And there’s another one I loved, where someone lived a life, died somehow, and woke up from the dead in 2021 or 2022 or something.
I want to write good stories like these too. You are super good at it.
But for me, the problem is, it’s hard creating what the characters. It is sooooo hard to create what they want and need, because you need to write everything the character wants. And ask them a billion questions for the whole story, and forcing them into what I want in my story. What can I do?
I’m sorry this is a horrible review, because it has no solutions to fix the story. I think every story is so perfect, that I let myself down and put in even more stress. (and force and fail myself to make my story perfect at a certain deadline.) What do you think? And I want to make story ideas that stick into someone’s head. And I feel like I’m not one of them. 😩
I feel left out of everyone else. And in order to fit in and create stories, I have to make reviews so that people will think I put in all the hard work in reviewing. My biggest flaw is finding the mistakes in even the best stories. Any tips and ideas to be the best reviewer? Because I still wan to follow my dream, but my parents and teachers (aka support circle) don’t know what to do to help me, so I have to rely on strangers to help me, or I won’t get the help I need.
Hope you understand. Pleazzeeeeeee enjoy my review.
From, @BeingRivy .




vampricone6783 says...


You know,I actually do the same stuff you%u2019re doing.I compare my work with others and I think that I%u2019m not good at making stories.We are all different when it comes to characters and stories,we%u2019re all different.We all have our strengths and weaknesses when it comes to writing.We all have different stories and styles of how we write.One writer isn%u2019t the same as the next,that%u2019s what%u2019s so great about being a writer.

But often with anything,we compare ourselves to people who are %u201Cbetter than us.%u201D In reality,no one is better than anyone,they%u2019re just more popular and liked.

My advice would be to keep writing,because your stories will improve over time and evolve more.

As for reviews,I%u2019d say you could talk about good parts of what you%u2019re reading and weaker parts.Maybe you could do what I do and try to interpret it.

There%u2019s always going to be mistakes or some of our works that we wish we didn%u2019t write.There will always be times when we wonder if we%u2019re actually good at writing.The point is that we enjoy it and we%u2019ll get better with writing.

And if writing isn%u2019t enjoyable anymore,then it%u2019s best to take a break and relax.(If that%u2019s wanted.)

Keep on writing.



BeingRivy says...


Hi vampricone,
How are you today? I%u2019m doing ok now, I hope you%u2019re ok too.
Thank you for the reply you have written back I appreciate it. I%u2019ll try to read something but I have so much fun with my tablet, it%u2019s beginning to waste my time, but I can%u2019t resist using the tablet for internet. It%u2019s invading my life and it%u2019s out of my control!



vampricone6783 says...


I%u2019m good.




"The day, which was one of the first of spring, cheered even me by the loveliness of its sunshine and the balminess of the air. I felt emotions of gentleness and pleasure, that had long appeared dead, revive within me. Half surprised by the novelty of these sensations, I allowed myself to be borne away by them, and forgetting my solitude and deformity, dared to be happy."
— Mary Shelley, Frankenstein