Take my hand,
Let's go for a walk by the sea.
We'll sit on a rock;
Watch the sunrise
Under a tree.
Even the Sun doesn't brighten my world,
As you do.
Listening to the birds singing in our ears;
Watching the butterflies floating near your hair.
I'll be holding you close
with your head resting on my chest,
and your hands in mine.
Our feet would be touching
and I'll be feeling your breath;
every beat that your heart makes.
Then we'll go fly,
Up so high.
Over the clouds,
Above the mountains,
Over the Moon.
Dozing off,
In the starlight.
-
When the sky turns pink,
And the Sun becomes a tad less harsh,
We'll go for a stroll,
In the gardens of our souls.
Smelling the scent of,
Roses and daisies.
Walking together,
On a fallible path.
In the midst,
Of squirrels and bushes
A silhouette of us
Dancing together
to the beats of our wedding song.
As the sunrays die out,
We'll go fly
Up high.
Over the clouds,
Above the mountains,
Over the Moon.
Dozing off,
In the starlight.
-
After the daylight goes to sleep,
and night shows up
with a shelter of stars over our heads.
Feeling a pale moonlight on our faces,
sitting on the sand,
As the waves come and leave.
I'd be holding you tight,
Guarding your heart in my arms.
You'd be looking in my eyes,
And I'll be diving in yours,
Seeing the world you've trapped inside of them.
As long as your heart beats with mine,
I promise to be right by your side.
Sleeping slowly,
to the voice of the waterfall.
In our dreams,
We'll go fly,
Into the sky.
Over the clouds,
Above the mountains,
Over the Moon.
Holding each other's hands
And dozing off,
In the starlight.
Points:
Time spent:
Canary word: Present
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125,027 Literary Works • 672,774 Reviews
This is an amazing poem from you! I think its main appeal is its simplicity. It’s a very beautiful poem with amazing choices in words and metaphors. I love the continued repetition of the last two lines in every section. All in all, it’s a really beautifully done poem. Keep up the good work!
This is an amazing poem from you! I think its main appeal is its simplicity. It’s a very beautiful poem with amazing choices in words and metaphors. I love the continued repetition of the last two lines in every section. All in all, it’s a really beautifully done poem. Keep up the good work!
Thanks a lot for the comment!
Hey @vagrant ! Here to review! Okay, I really like this romantic poem of yours. It describes one of the most perfect dates a girl could literally ever ask for. You did great with that!
From the first line, I was hooked. The whole way through it kept making me want to read more to see what was going to happen. The end is great. It leaves it at a good ending, not a blank one. With that, I mean the ending does make sense for this type of poem. It also still leaves the reader with a few things to think about. Which is the goal of almost every writer! So really great job with that!
I like how you formatted it short with three or four words per line (some a little longer but you get my point). I say this because it makes it easier to read and want to keep reading because it's not all packed together.
I will be reading more of your poems since they are so good! Again great job again!
_From your friend
@PlainandSimple _
Hey @vagrant ! Hkumar here with a review. I loved this romantic poem of yours . The title itself grabbed my attention and the content that you have written is really lovely. I liked the structure of your poem and the fact that you kept the lines short made it look very neat . I could feel my mind going to all those beautiful places that you described here. From sunrise to sunset and then the to the romantic night , you managed to arouse very warm and intimate feelings in the reader's mind . Imagery was very well executed and added more beauty to the poem. The punctuations were just perfect and there was a smooth flow throughout the poem.
Thanks for sharing this beautiful piece. It really was a pleasure to read it .
Keep on showing your talent of writing .
Good luck for future!
Thanks very much for the lovely review!! Much love!
**My Thoughts**
Hey @vagrant! LZ here with a review! I really liked this poem; I like romantic poems, they always put me in a good mood. This was a very well written poem
**Formatting and Grammar**
As I said, this is a very well written poem. I liked how you only seperated the poem into three long stanzas, for this poem. In some poems it looks odd and it would look better with more stanzas, but in this one it looks perfect. Your formatting is wonderful for this poem.
As for grammar, I didn't catch anything. This poem flowed very smoothly and I could tell you put a lot of time into it!
**Punctuation and Capitalization**
This was perfect! As for punctuation, I have nothing bad to say. It was awesome! I liked how you did use punctuation, it makes it look complete and neat and..AH! You wrote such a great poem! Same goes with capitalization! It was awesome! Perfect, complete, excellent, whatever you want to call it.
**Quick Review**
This poem was wonderful! Just the topic made me like it!
Keep on writing, I enjoyed this poem a lot! Have a good rest of your Thursday!
Thanks a ton for this amazing review! Means a lot!!