z

Young Writers Society


E - Everyone

An Apology

by Trelose


So many times, things got in the way

I never saw with a clear vision

What was going on in your head

That you were troubled by past sins

Of a cruelty no one knew

I forgive you,

I forgive you

I could never understand your mind

'Cause I had never lived it myself

And, though I hope I never will

I wish I could understand well

That it never was your fault

And the Queen falls,

And the Queen falls

My anger was inexcusable

And for that, I do apologize

Because you never deserved it

And I'm trying to sympathize

So I'll understand your ways

I will someday,

I will someday


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Points: 525
Reviews: 13

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Fri May 13, 2016 7:35 pm
johnAsade wrote a review...



After reading that it was about apologizing to a mother, i crossed my fingers and waited to be touched by lines full of glorious words. Well, i can safely say you made some good word combinations. You managed to tell her story-i now know why she was mad at you and why you are apologizing. It is a good one, my friend.




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485 Reviews


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Mon Apr 11, 2016 6:10 pm
Elijah wrote a review...



There were some parts I could not get at the first glare.
At the start the repeatment of the same line twice several times in this whole poetry was annoying for me but I needed several reads,I guess?
Anyways I think it is pretty good and I can not say anything bad about this piece of art work of yours.I can only say you should go on!
Thank you for giving me the chance atleast once to not critice anything because there is none to say for this art which could be bad.
Also,good punctuation.That helps the reader and reviewer actually think for the idea of it not the grammar.The feelings in this are amazing and it is pretty relatable.After all every each of us has a mother and feels atleast some of these told feelings.

Good job.




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Mon Dec 07, 2015 2:43 am
seaoflove says...



Awwwwww, this piece is superb! good job author! :)




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71 Reviews


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Sun Nov 29, 2015 6:08 am
crobbins wrote a review...



Wow. Just "WOW!" Not only is this an amazing piece, but it is SO relatable.

Anyways, now that I got that out of the way, I'll get right to it.

Thank you SO MUCH for using proper grammar and capitalization. It made the poem so much easier to read through. And the format is perfect as well, so the reader is able to focus more on the content over the visual aspects. Good job on that!

Your main idea is strong, and you stay with your idea through the whole poem, and don't go off on tangents. Again, good job.

I really liked how you made the poem so fluid as well. I read it once and didn't have to go back and re-read sentences for negative reasons (such as transitions not making sense, etc.) I feel each sentence flowed evenly to the next without a hitch.

I'm really struggling to find anything wrong with this poem! One thing I could say is maybe you could add why the fight(s) occurred?
"My anger was inexcusable,"
Maybe you could elaborate on that point a little in the poem? Even so, your poem is still amazing as it is.

Overall, amazing job!!!
<3




Trelose says...


Thank you so much, Crobbins. :D I'll try to work on that along with the rhyming. Been busy due to Thanksgiving, so I haven't had time to edit. :(



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30 Reviews


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Tue Nov 24, 2015 1:53 am
AlyssaB506 wrote a review...



Heeellloooo! :) Let me start off by saying that I felt as though you put a lot of thought and effort into your poem. I really appreciate that in authors. t was especially nice that your title actually suited your writing! (That isn't always the case-- you would be surprised) For this review, I will be separating the poem into pros and cons-- I find it is easier to sort things out this way. Enjoy! :)

Pros: Your particular word choice was evidently chosen to give off a specific, impactful meaning behind the poem. I reeeaaallly admire that in an author by the way. Lines such as, "the Queen falls" also display a very relatable use of symbolism. I applaud your use of literary devices. The formatting was also nice-- THAAAANK YOU! I cannot stand it when people use incorrect formatting. You had many more amazing qualities in this poem, but these are just a few that stood out to me personally. All in all, very nice! :) :) :)

Cons: You were very well spoken; however, I felt as though it was slightly inconsistent. You started rhyming towards the end, but did not continue with it. I am sure it was unintentional. But as a lover of rhyming poems, my excitement to see rhyming words was sort of cut off at the very end. This is nothing to worry about though, it is just me being picky. Very nice job though! :)

Overall, veeeeery nice work! :) I hope my review was at least a little helpful to you. You have an amazing writing talent, I hope you continue to post. :)

~Looking forward to reading more,
AlyssaB506




Trelose says...


Thank you so much! And... I failed with the rhymes at the end? D: I'll need to edit it, because I love rhyming poems as well.

Again, thank you so much!




We always talk about the "doers" and "dreamers" but I'd like to give a big shoutout to the "tryers".
— Hannah Hart