Young Writers Society

Radrook here a once again
to offer some suggestions.
Apologies if I offend.
It isn’t my intention.

Please feel full free to cast aside
all things you deem not helpful.
But if you do be sure its true
by being extra careful.

That having been said:

Thanks for sharing this poem which makes broad declarations. I like the way that it begins by demanding that someone tell the speaker certain things are true. I like how it then introduces the next part by declaring that lying is wrong and then proceeds to contradict all the previous statement. In other words the person responding considers those things lies and since lying is wrong the responder will not tell the first speaker those things are true.

As simple as the poem might appear, it raises some very profound philosophical issues. For example, is lying always really wrong? Or are there special situations when lying is the right and decent thing to do and telling the truth is the immoral indecent thing to do? If we examine the issues meticulously as we are supposed and as is done in basic classes on ethics, we will find that there are indeed moments when telling a lie is the right thing to do and telling the truth is indeed the immoral thing to do and should be avoided.

The same applies to all the other statements that the poem contains. They have been examined philosophically and there are grey areas which cannot be simply dismissed with either a yes or a no. Because of this the poem’s intention must be considered to be a means of indicating something other than what is being stated.

To me it is simply a demonstration of how people will differ in opinions without feeling any need to provide evidence to support their claims. In other words, it illustrates the illogical tendency of mankind or that reasoning is merely a tool employed to support emotion. In that sense the poem succeeds magnificently.

It also reads smoothly and the lack of traditional punctuation did not detract from its message in my case. Looking forward to reading more of your work.

Lol, I bazaar poem but overall well written. Each stanza contain a certain essence and that is key when writing a poem. I like how you started off with the poem as well. As humans most of us never really care for the truth. We only care for what we want to hear. Then you used a since where a person who has been hit by reality to explain the next part. Most humans usually don't hit this stage until unforeseen tragedy plagues there life. yet at this stage they are still not enlighten. But that last part......this is where I wish most of us humans go before its to late and life slips away. This part where you say "death is fine, death is forever, death is here, that all means, you are fine, you are forever, you are free." See this is true enlightenment, and once you have reached this part in your life, that's when you begin to live. That's when you begin to love. This poem speaks volumes that a lot of people should read. I liked it, it was still bazaar, but very good.

It was short but good! I liked how it didn't have a topic, but the topic was everything.

Hi! I'm here to review your work! Let's get started, shall we?

This is a pretty simple poem. I like it. You just come out and say what we need to hear, but there seems to be a deeper theme of what death and life really mean. I read the previous comment, and it makes sense that you wrote this after a death. I'm sorry about that, but like your poem says, they are free and forever now.

Now structure wise, spelling wise, or grammar wise there isn't much. I like your choice to not capitalize any of the lines; it makes the poem more understated and somehow more powerful and impactful. I would say to um, actually add punctuation--whether it be a simple period at the end of statements or anything. Just please add some punctuation. This may be free verse, but it does need a bit of structuring.

I can sense a sort of rhythm when reading this that comes from the repetition of the line beginnings. The previous commenter said to not start lines with the same starter twice, and while that's usually true in a lot of poetry and writing, here it provides a rhythm and captivates me. I'll call this an exception to that rule.

The other thing that the other commenter said that I disagreed with was the need for flowery language. This is simple for a reason, and it's beautiful the way it is. Please don't make it more flowery (a reader begging you!). But it's your choice.

Overall, this was a very liberating sort of poem for me to read. I sympathize with sorrow after death, and I wish I had realized this after my relatives had died. This works. This us deep and simple and it works. I really love it. I'm looking forward to seeing more of your works in the future!

Hi there, tigeraye! My name is Scarlett and I'm here to review your poetry today. ^^

Let's get to it. Okay. This is not the best, but it shows promise. First off, I strongly suggest you don't start more than two lines with the same thing. I can already tell that you seem to be new at this, and that's totally okay. We all start somewhere.

Don't be afraid to experiment with poetry. It's not all about structure or rhythm. Half of my poetry doesn't rhyme at all. XD May I suggest you take the meaning behind this and explore it? This is just telling me things. It's not painting a picture. Poetry is about painting a picture for your readers using words. If you have any favourite poets, please read their work and see what this feels to be lacking? I'm not feeling anything reading this. It's just words on a page. There's no heart, no soul, no emotion.

I really like the idea I can see behind this poem, but I feel you haven't written it well. Experiment! Go crazy! Use flowery language and draw it out. Make me feel something! I'm sure you can do it. ^^

For a beginner, this wasn't a bad start. Try some of my suggestions and see how it goes? And please let me know if or when you do? That would be lovely!

Remember; keep it up and never stop writing! I hope I helped.

~ Scarlett.