Young Writers Society

Home » Literary works » Poetry » Realistic

E - Everyone

I'm still falling over (maybe I was always mulch)

by shatteredstones



You were my splint
When I was a tree
It is no surprise with how hard I leaned
That you fell away from me
I grew but I grew no taller than you
the wind whispered me stories of you
So I could fall asleep in the winter
You stood up one day and decided
You weren't a splint anymore
You planted your own roots
And became a tree overnight
I was proud but not surprised


I always knew that you were more
More than what I saw you for
I leaned on you too hard but you never bowed
You told me I was a strong tree
That I could hold my own weight
I didn't believe you so you ran away
And then you grew into your own
So far away but we still hold roots today
I snapped my branches afraid to change
I didn't want to lose connection
I needed everything to stay the same
But everything changes and everything changed
Only I remained

With leaves too low to soak up sunlight
I need to grow up like you did
I need to let go of the memory
Of you being a splint and I a tree
We are different now
We have to meet again
In these different shapes
And I have to know how to behave
How do little trees look after eachothers needs
How do I grow with you when I'm afraid
I need to convince myself
That I don't need a splint
Anymore


Note: You are not logged in, but you can still leave a comment or review. Before it shows up, a moderator will need to approve your comment (this is only a safeguard against spambots). Leave your email if you would like to be notified when your message is approved.







Is this a review?


  

Comments



User avatar
586 Reviews


Points: 64675
Reviews: 586

Donate
Mon Sep 26, 2022 2:10 am
View Likes
Plume wrote a review...



Hey there! Plume here, with a review!

I enjoyed this poem a lot! I think you did a really nice job of using an extended metaphor to describe the relationship between the speaker and someone who likely supported them for a while but then grew to be more independent. You conveyed the complex feelings of simultaneous pride and almost melancholy wistfulness that comes with growing apart from someone. There's also this uncertainty/anxiety on the part of the speaker, which I also quite enjoyed; it was on the more subtle side and never outwardly stated, but you made a lot of good choices to convey that feeling.

One thing I really liked was how fleshed out the metaphor was. You explored it in so many ways throughout, which made it feel super encompassing. I loved all the different mentions of plant parts, from roots to branches to leaves. You went into a lot of intricacies of the relationship through the metaphor, which was amazing. It also made the poem feel super cohesive; you didn't have any metaphors that were at odds with each other. I also just loved the image of a splint growing into a tree; it's somewhat uplifting, even in the context of this poem.

One thing I wondered about was the structure. This was definitely free verse, but the way it flowed sometimes felt a little random and repetitive. Lines like "I snapped my branches afraid to change" and "I needed everything to stay the same" essentially mean the same thing, but one of them says it so much better. I think that not explaining your metaphors out (for example, simply shortening it to "I snapped my branches" or adding something like "so they'd stay the same length") also makes them land harder, because the reader gets to more readily interact with the text. I also feel like the poem cycles a little, as well; overall, there's a lot of repetition in the narrative that doesn't necessarily function as a poetic device, but just feels slightly tired.

Specifics

You were my splint
When I was a tree


One thing I was curious about was your choice of tense in this line; when you say "I was a tree," it makes it seem like the speaker isn't a tree any more, which kind of begs the question, what is the speaker? I wasn't sure if that choice was intentional or if it just worked out that way, but it seemed to be continued throughout the poem. I wondered if it was just referring to the fact that the speaker was so concerned with things remaining the same that they disfigured themselves so much that they couldn't be considered a "tree" any more, or if they changed into something entirely new. It was just something I wondered while reading.

I grew but I grew no taller than you
the wind whispered me stories of you
So I could fall asleep in the winter


I loved these lines—I think they say so much inadvertently and have a certain cohesiveness to them that works super nicely.

Overall: nice work! I think your metaphor for changing relationships is perfectly shown through this lovely poem. I hope to read more of your work soon! Until next time!






Thank you plume



Random avatar

Points: 88
Reviews: 9

Donate
Fri Sep 23, 2022 9:28 pm
View Likes
bnnina wrote a review...



Hi!

I absolutely love this poem. I feel like it could be used as a metaphor for many different situations. For me, I see it as the loss of a friend that one grew up with.

Despite how it might feel, it is not always a bad thing. Sometimes we need that space to grow ourselves and learn that we can stand on our own, as your poem shows near the end how the tree didn't "need a splint anymore"


I love how it demonstrates attachment, and how hard it can be to let go and accept change.
"I needed everything to stay the same
But everything changes and everything changed
Only I remained"

I feel like this is a perfect depiction of human nature. Our desire to keep everything the same even when it might not be the heathiest choice. But it also highlights the resilience, the way people can adapt and change.

Absolutely brilliant. Keep it up.






Thank you for your thoughtful review !



User avatar


Points: 17
Reviews: 3

Donate
Tue Sep 20, 2022 11:34 pm
View Likes
pandacow says...



;,(






<3333




Never use your shield as a dinner plate, for that is when the enemy is most likely to attack.
— The KotGR Commander