Young Writers Society

truth be told I believe many girls can relate to this one way or another, I think I can understand what u were going for but yes maybe just a bit more description, although in ten words if u read it write.. in just ten words u can feel the emotions.

Aye-ye-ye!
Whatcha here for a review . . . don't really know how to review ten words, but . . .
O.K., interesting. Might classify this as 'other', as I don't really find it to be a poem, per say, but maybe that's just close-minded whatcha
I guess, truth be told, I wouldn't change much. Heartbreakingly accurate . . . maybe you could add description, a bit?
Like,
"Lie to me," she said, calling the hunters to their prey.
"I love you," he replied, a viper curling around its victim.
I also understand this is minimalist - and I'm not a minimalist, so maybe I shouldn't be reviewing this . . .
I'm still kind of chuckling at the way he just ripped on her so hard, truth be told, so I'm not really focusing on reviewing like I should
Anyways, I can't find much else to say, so . . . keep writing!
~whatcha

This is Nikayla here dropping in for a review!

I understand what you're attempting to do here, though I'm not sure that this is fully gotten across. I'm a fan of minimalism when it's done right, though there are a couple decisions that need to be made when using this technique. Do you want to give up portions of substance to use minimalism and have a possibly stronger impact on the reader? Do you want to keep the speaker, the 'he' and the 'she' in the poem purposefully vague?

I can see that this is using the title as part of the poem which is always something that interested me, though I'm not sure that this lives up to what it's attempting to do. I'm unsure of why she wants him to lie. Who is she? Who is he? I don't understand the reasoning for her asking him to lie. Perhaps a more effective version of this might be something along the lines of this:

"Do you really love me?" she asked.

"Yes." he said, hiding the other girls linked to his arms.

Then titling this 'A Lie' might make more sense. I added in the part about the other girls in as a metaphor and as improvising though you can take that part out. This is only a suggestion though since I don't believe that this hits the right chord with the reader. Like Biscuits said, be more cryptic. This is cryptic, sure, though it's not cryptic in the right way. We don't know why she wants him to lie to her rather than not knowing why he's lying to her. To be more specific, this seems more focused on her asking for him to lie rather than why the lie is 'I love you'. Nice concept on paper, though I'd suggest playing around with this a bit more.

If you have any questions, don't be afraid to ask! I hope I helped and have a great day.

Hey there, sloth! Shey here for a review!

Seeing as this piece is two lines and ten words, I don't have much I can possibly comment on. So I'll just kinda blab about why I enjoyed such a short piece as much as I did.

I don't think it really matters what the setup here is, or why she's asking to be lied to, or why he lied about loving her. The vagueness of the piece really captures the intense emotions. A lot of poetry tends to be overly wordy, and it's refreshing to see a short but powerful piece. Overall, I love this work, and I hope you make more short pieces like it!

Keep up the great work and dank memes!

I like this

Hi there, I'm here to review this for my Team Tortoise review of the day

As a quick quip, this is quite successful. It's not something you expect, so it makes you sort of go "heh".

But in your description, you talk about this being an emotional ten words, so I'm going to give you some advice about how I think you could make this more powerful in terms of emotion.

First of all, this sort of feels like a brief moment in the middle of a story. Inside a story, this moment would be extremely powerful, but that is because by that point I know who the two characters are and have probably developed opinions of and allegiances to each character. Unless, of course, this was in a first chapter, but I would recommend not putting it in a first chapter, precisely because I wouldn't know the characters that well yet.

And as for the specifics of that characterisation, things I would like to know are: Is he lying when he says this is a lie? Is he just trying to hurt her? Why is it that this being a lie is a surprise? Statistically, if you ask someone if they love you, they will say no. Like sure, there's your family, some close friends and maybe a significant other, but imagine how many teachers, classmates, bosses, acquiantances everyone has. What is the context of the situation that makes this important?

However, it is possible to pack a lot of emotion into a small number of words, like a haiku. But what's often the best thing about a haiku is having to connect the dots between a number of images to see what is being implied. Here you have told me plainly what is happening, so there isn't much to figure out. Being more cryptic would be another way to engage the reader more in this.

Hope this helps,
Biscuits