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Ace of Hearts [Chapter 8]

by Saen


Author's Note: Hello! Since this is a fanfiction, I most likely won't be revising it. Because of that, I'd appreciate if you focused on things other than grammar - save for if there is a recurring problem. I want to apply what I learn about setting, characters, plot, and anything else to my writing in the future.

Thanks for reading through this, and I hope you enjoy my fic!

Chapter 8

[Charlotte]

Monday

The walk to school was long and lonely. This in itself was quite a common occurrence. She couldn't recall the last time someone other than the morning sun had accompanied her on the trek from her house to the old building. But after the events of the day before, the emptiness she felt was even more difficult to swallow. Thinking about any of the three boys made her heart swell, only to deflate when she remembered than none of them could accompany her.

Because, despite their many protests, she had invited them to live in her house.

She popped in an earbud. She couldn't tell if her decision was a smart one or not; while they were in desperate need of a place to stay, they were essentially strangers. She could only guess what they were like based off of their conversations from the day before. She could only hope that they wouldn't destroy her house by the time she got home. But she still took a bit of pride in her actions. There were many unused rooms, and her house had felt so empty the past few years.

They needed her, and she needed them.

She picked a song. It wouldn't be long until she arrived at the school's gate, but it was always better to start the day with the comfort of music.

~v~

Homeroom was as dreadful as it always was.

The loud chatter of her classmates reached her ears even before she entered the room. There was a brief silence when she initially entered the room but, after seeing that it was only her, her peers resumed their conversations. She kept her head down. She had stopped trying to meet their eyes months ago. One could only hope for change for so long. 

When she reached her desk in the front of the room, she quietly slid into her seat. She paid no attention to the empty desks on either side of her; they were always empty. Instead, she stared down at her phone. She had a book in her bag, but class would soon begin. It would be pointless to get it out now.

“Hey, Levi, what did you get on that history test yesterday?”

She looked up. Curiosity, hopefulness – she wasn't sure what the cause of the action was, but she still glanced over her shoulder. The usual group of students were gathered in the back of the room, huddled around a single desk. And in that desk, eyes peering out from behind a stylish pair of glasses, was none other than her self-proclaimed rival.

Power dripped off of him, and her classmates all lapped it up. They oblivious to his charms. She seemed to be the only one who picked up on his charisma; she had always suspected it was because she was so detached from the rest of them. His outfits all strayed into the realm of semi-formal, with collared shirts and dress pants. Even his black hair, which was always gelled back, somehow managed to look good.

He was everything she wished she could be. Seeing him now was a painful reminder of that. If only she could have enough popularity to become class president, or already have colleges eagerly awaiting her applications!

The epitome of a cliché, Levi Quinn pushed up his glasses.

“I got a hundred,” he said.

They oohed and they ahhed, despite his success being a rather common occurrence. The test had been notoriously hard. The students who had taken American History last year had been instilling fear into the underclassmen for the past month. It was an impressive victory.

Charlotte glowered. His perfect score reduced her ninety-five to little more than just a number. She had poured her heart and soul into preparing for it, but for what? Levi didn't need to study. He mentioned his lack of studying quite frequently, and it was yet another reason to envy him.

His green eyes settled on her. Her heart started hammering in her chest when he pushed his chair back. This was unprecedented. They had never done group work together, so why was he suddenly walking over to her? His posse watched from afar. She stared back down at her phone, desperately hoping that he was going to someone else.

But he stopped beside her.

“You smell,” he said.

There was no laughter from his peers. The ones that had heard him paid no attention to his comment, and the ones who didn't remained blissfully ignorant. Real life wasn't like fiction. The hurt never came from malicious comments and laughter. It was the lack of interaction in the first place that truly caused her pain.

Although his comment was far from welcome.

“Excuse me?”

He looked down at her. “You smell,” he repeated, this time with more emphasis. “I could smell you from the other side of the room-”

“The bell's about to ring, so I think you should get back to your seat,” she interrupted. She gave him an emotionless smile, trying to reign back her indignation at the comment. What kind of attempt at bullying was that?

Levi frowned. “This conversation isn't over.”

“The clock says otherwise.”

“You can't expect me to sit down when I can't ignore that smell,” he argued. Crossing his arms, he tentatively sniffed the air. “It's frustratingly familiar. Almost like a garbage dump, but somehow even worse.”

She rolled her eyes. “Like you smell any better, Levi.” She already wasn't having a good morning after having to leave Herobrine, Second and Levi at her house. Having to deal with Levi's poor attempt to hurt her feelings was not something she wanted on her agenda.

But then the bell rang, and he was whisked away by the calls of his friends. And Charlotte, grateful to be rid of him, returned to looking at her phone.


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1549 Reviews


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Wed Mar 14, 2018 11:47 am
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BlueAfrica wrote a review...



So first of all, something I was a bit confused by.

Power dripped off of him, and her classmates all lapped it up. They oblivious to his charms. She seemed to be the only one who picked up on his charisma; she had always suspected it was because she was so detached from the rest of them. His outfits all strayed into the realm of semi-formal, with collared shirts and dress pants. Even his black hair, which was always gelled back, somehow managed to look good.


In the first bold part, I think you might have meant the opposite? Like the classmates aren't oblivious to his charms, right? They clearly think pretty highly of him, so in that case they think he's charming whereas Charlotte (for obvious reasons) finds him repulsive (even though also she's envious. But he's mean to her.) And then I'd think the rest of them are drawn in by his charisma, so I'm not sure why she thinks she's the only one who picks up on it.

The other bolded part reminds me of "although his hair was green, it looked healthy" or whatever that line was way back in chapter one. I don't understand "even...somehow managed," because I'd expect that black hair gelled back probably does look good, but here it sounds like I'm expected to assume it doesn't.

ANYWAY.

I also thought it was particularly childish of Levi to go "you smell." Like, wow, what an insult. Laaaaaaaame. Obviously Charlotte thinks so, too, given her thoughts on "Levi's poor attempt to hurt her feelings." I guess I'm just wondering if they're meant to be in middle school or high school, because this sounds more like the lame attempts of a popular middle schooler to be mean to someone than a popular high schooler (although I guess depending on the person it could be either, if they're just really immature).

I'm guessing high school, since Charlotte is home alone so much, but "you smell" sounds way more middle school to me. Or even elementary school.

Or just like a high schooler who really needs to bone up on his insults.

I liked seeing how Charlotte dealt with it, though - she was so chill about it, which to be fair could just be because it was totally lame. This chapter gives much clearer insight about why she wouldn't go on being scared of Herobrine and the others and why she would invite them to stay: she's lonely, her classmates don't seem to even want to understand her, and she knows what it's like to have people hate or ignore you.




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Tue Mar 13, 2018 5:35 am
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concord wrote a review...



Hey there again!

So, can I just say that I always crack up when characters point out clichés? I just love having that instant little connection with the reader at pointing out things in the story. Keep going with that in other stories if it’s applicable, please, because I enjoy that.

So, the only two characters we really see in this chapter are Charlotte and Levi, so let’s go. I like the even more extensive insight on Charlotte here, primarily because she has a relatable personality, even if it itself is kind of stereotypical. I mean, she’s a gamer, she’s an intellectual and she’s a loner. One of the three trifecta apparent in literature and fiction. I’m perfectly fine with that though, since readers can connect to this character in particular, as occurring things in fiction tend to occur in real life.

I just feel really bad for Charlotte. You’re good at drawing out emotions from your readers, which is also a good thing. Getting sympathy for your characters usually gets readers engaged and wanting to find out that their newfound friends end up okay. At least it does for me, haha.

I’m guessing Levi isn’t the true, future villain, but jeez I don’t like him. When you were describing him, all I could really view is a stereotypical prep boy, who is somehow “smart” and “good-looking” and ugh. This guy is just irritating. In this chapter, you’ve proven yourself capable of creating a character I don’t like. Good job.

Moving on, this added a little to the plot, mostly on the backstory of Charlotte, which I will always be fine with. Besides that, I’m not sure where this is going, but I’m guessing Levi is going to be sticking around, which bleh.

The setting was described a little bit, with a few hints here and there, which I think is fine. Getting the walk to school helped picture a teenager just going, so that didn’t need too much information on my end. The classroom scene was fine too, but I’m prone to want less setting description anyways.

All in all, I feel for Charlotte’s plight and well she doesn’t need her classmates. All she needs are in her house right now. Hopefully. This chapter was decent, and definitely explained a little about the main character, which is always a good thing. I like this a lot.

I hope this helped and good luck with your future writing!




Saen says...


Thank you so much for your review! More about Charlotte's past should be coming up in the new few chapters, so I think you'll enjoy that chapter when it does pop up. (Somewhere after chapter ten, I believe?)

I love when they do that, too! And like the pushing up the glasses thing is so stereotypical for an anime character, so I just had to include it.

Oh! I never noticed that about her, but I can totally see it now. Hopefully the future chapters will keep making her even more realistic and more than just those three character traits, but we'll see. c:

(I have to admit that the situation with Levi getting that high score was actually based off of something I went through. I felt really proud about getting a higher than average score on a standardized test, but then someone managed to get a perfect one and I felt really salty about it afterwards. xD)

Yeah, Levi's not going anywhere soon.

Thanks again for the review!



concord says...


You are very welcome! I can%u2019t wait to see more of Charlotte, and ugh I feel you about the test situation. That%u2019s never fun.




The function of education is to teach one to think intensively and to think critically. Intelligence plus character - that is the goal of true education.
— Martin Luther King, Jr.