Young Writers Society

Hello there! I'm here for a quick review.

First of all, the poem is talking about love and broken promises I suppose. Seems you want to stay and leave at the same time.

Well Alice said most of the things I would've said anyway. I didn't quite get it in the beginning.

One more thing I would really love to point out is your title. Next time try to give a title that explains your poem better without being in the poem itself

Over all. You did a good job here. Nice one!

Hey hey! Alice here, stopping by to give you a quick review!

First up, everyone's favorite part, the things I really liked about your poem!

So I wasn't sure about the formatting of your poem at first, but by the end of it I was really feeling it. I liked the fact that you stuck to the two two format and the fact that you talk about all the things you should have done until the very last line where you say you're bad at remembering, really brought it home for me. I also really like the fact that your narrator blames them self for the fact that they were apart of this narrative, this story. It's also interesting to me to note that your narrator talks as if they have been in this situation before, as if they have been in this relationship before and had been convinced to go back because they can't remember why they left in the first place. The words you use to describe things are very well thought out and really brought me into the story you were telling!

Next up, the things I think could use a little work!

So you seem to have started a rhyme scheme with tie and lie. Then you seem to abandon it slightly with emotions and devotions, which almost lie but the 's' throws it off. And then you use the word 'you' twice, and then you never rhyme again. I'm not sure if this was intentional or not, but it kinda threw me off a little. Also, with this line-'I should've known to continue with our story.'- I think you meant to say I should've known better than to continue with our story.

That about wraps it up for me! overall, I really liked your poem and can't wait to read more from you! keep up the great work!!!
-Alice

Hey there, resfeber, CocoaCat is here with a review for your poem.

Wee little reminder, when you publish a story or a poem, it says who wrote it and when they wrote it so there really is no need to write it yourself at the bottom. Hope you can remember that (just making a reference to your poem).

I really enjoyed reading your poem but (there's always a "but") some of the stanzas are a little awkward. Different wording could improve that. Here are some of my suggestions:

"I should've known not to give you my devotion."
Could instead be...
"I should've known not to give my devotion."
It will help it to flow better.

"But unfortunately I am bad at remembering."
Could instead be...
"Unfortunately, I'm bad at remembering."
Especially since you did "should've" instead of "should have" you could have written "I'm" instead of "I am". Again, it may help with the flow.

Overall, good job!
Keep writing