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Salvation of Ignorance - Chapter 10.2: Familiarity With Her Circumstances

by rawrafied


Salvation of Ignorance - Chapter 10.2: Familiarity With Her Circumstances

After opening the door, he didn't have to fret as to whether she would accept his hand. She entered with both hands latched under her chin. Once seated, he inquired, "Where is your temporary residency?"

All progress was lost by her noncompliance.

"Miss Barrettmore," he whispered harshly.

"I don't know," she quickly replied to her hands.

"Well, are you staying with family?"

He almost felt compelled to join her in her responsive nod.

Niall glanced at the driver, who looked down from his seat awaiting directions. "Do you know any lodgings of any 'Barrettmore's?"

"Only one, sir."

"Perfect," Niall chimed and the car moved as he was seated.

Sitting back in his cushioned seat, Niall lethargically wrapped his arms around his waist and began observing the industrial view while giving her space. Such space became blaringly minimal when he slipped an apology for grazing her stocking-and-dress-protected leg upon attempting to cross his own.

Her chattering teeth penetrated the silence and it became exceedingly more difficult to keep from shifting again.

"In all seriousness, I am sorry for the act I played in your almost demise." Niall ran a finger through the dew pooling in the crevice of his window pane. "Not that I did anything, of course. But it would've been my car and...tragic regardless."

"N-n-no...it's fine."

"Well, that's rather blasé of you. I doubt Talwin would think the same if informed of such events." Oh, please leave him ignorant.

"I-I-it's...f-f-fine."

"Well, pardon my concern," Niall expressed with a scowl, "But you're stuttering more than usual and even shivering. I've yet to see someone affected to such a degree by fear."

"N-n-no...c-c-cold."

Niall removed his eyes from the window and took her image. Then began to reexamine the way she grasped her hands.

The voyage farewell came to mind again. But his frustrated desire toward enlightenment got the better of him.

"May I?" He asked with his hand an inch from hers.

Her eyes were still out of focus and lacking acknowledgement. He took her silence as not a 'no'. His hands only had to brush into contact with hers for full comprehension: they were icier than the window pane.

He reached to grab a blanket from the seat compartments, but noted his rectangular passengers obstructed his path. Instinctively, he reached for the cloth buttons of his great coat, but halted after considering not knowing what to do should she flinch. Then proceeded with the gesture. Miss Barrettmore had done many a doltish thing before without encouraging his withdraw. Her pride clouding her survival instinct should be no different.

Well, Niall taxed himself for naught. Not only had she refrained from flinching, but her investment in shakes and teeth chattering kept her from acknowledging the gesture.

Her hands were examined intently. As improper as his idea was, it would be less so to travel much farther in this predicament. And she had not objected earlier to his concern.

Too impatient for any rebuttals, his hands clasped around hers and a chalky rub serenaded with the clack of hooves and splashes of puddles. Hearing the sound tensed his abdomen, and he considered retreating as soon as he initiated. But he practiced in sacrificing his comfort for the sake of another's well-being. Should she object, then he'd be happy to retreat. No, even then he would stand his ground and inform her of this being for her own sake.

After all, the point was to be immediately rid of the girl. And this moment would not be spoken of again.

But none of that would matter if he presented a corpse to her hosts. And he should be sentenced for her ignorance.

"Ahh!" A breathy cry from Miss Barrettmore caused a tremor in his stomach. And Niall was all but tempted to sellout his estate and livelihood to swear his humblest intentions before she added, "It burns."

The cry was a reply to his having applied heat by his mouth.

Niall narrowed his brows. "Well, it's either that or your fingers fall off."

He grasped her hands again, a bit tighter than before, but there were no further complaints as he attempted to amend for her follies.

It was when they stopped that Niall noticed the remainder of the ride had been in silence. But what puzzled him more was the lodgings they stopped before: polished marble pillars, a minicured lawn, and the fact the house was spacious enough to have a lawn. This was not the housing of someone familial to a country-bumpkin.

Niall glanced toward Miss Barrettmore, for the first time since their last 'discussion', expecting to see her mimicking his confusion. But she seemed just as disinterested in taking in his features as he had been during their travel. Then he realized the lack of chattering teeth were a tribute to the silence. So, he severed all physical contact.

The door unlatched beside him and Niall asked the driver, "Why have we stopped?"

"This is the only Barrettmore I know of, sir."

"That's not possible. Perhaps you should rap on the door fir--."

"Miss Barrettmore!" A maid called from the now open front door.

Niall descended from the carriage to assist the driver in helping Miss Barrettmore down. The girl, however, declined both of their hands and practically stumbled into the maid's open arms. After seeing her enter safely into what appeared to be her truthful residence, he turned to enter the carriage.

"I believe this is yours," He heard from behind.

With one foot on the step, he turned to find an old-bat with a contorted face offering him his jacket.

He delicately retracted the jacket from her hand. "Thank you, Miss--."

"Lady Barrettmore."

Niall blinked. "'Lady'."

As she departed, Niall turned to his driver, to find him rising from reverence. "You're familiar with her title?"

The driver nodded. "She is the Baronness Lucrecia Danielle Barrettmore."


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806 Reviews


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Thu Aug 17, 2017 4:14 pm
Aley wrote a review...



Hello again!

So I'm here to review this installment of Salvation of Ignorance. Because I've reviewed your work before and I made comments about your writing style and what it could use to shorten it, I'm not going to talk about that topic today. After all, I don't want to beat a dead horse. I will point it out once more just so that you can see how it's affecting this chapter, but that's it.

Overall, I actually really liked this story in this part of the chapter. I think it sounds like a wonderful romance between these two is going to bloom and I like that you had him completely unaware of who or what she was before they drove up to the estate. I think he's also kind of foolish when it comes to people who are cold, but I don't know how she got cold, so I'm not going to make any assumptions on that side of things.

Here are the things that I found and didn't like and why.

He took her silence as not a 'no'.


This is easily said with "He took her silence as a yes" which means in terms of your style, you'er still going above and beyond to make things more complicated than they need to be, as I tried to explain in my last review. I think this has been up here the whole time though, so I doubt you've had time to fix it. I'm just going to note that it's in this chapter part as well so you can look at it as a whole.

Miss Barrettmore had done many a doltish thing before without encouraging his withdraw.


From the sounds of it, you're really trying to write in a victorian era style, but "Dolt-ish" is definitely not the way they would write. They wouldn't use -ish if they knew what it meant.

In other words, I really didn't find much.

There was also a very confusing part where he talks about their "rectangular passengers" who were in his way. I'm really confused by that because what ARE the rectangular passengers? Why couldn't he just move them? It seems to me like if it were a hat-box, or a briefcase, or even a package, he could move them and say what they were rather than describing them. Even if he didn't want to touch her things, he could just say "I'll get you a blanket." and then move them. At this point, I'm sure decorum would demand a blanket rather than a coat. After all, right tool for the right job.

Anyway, all in all I feel like this chapter has the same problem as the last one, but it's less extreme here. I didn't find nearly as many cases where you were being too wordy as I did the last time, but they are there. I like the story, which I could actually get into at this point without getting distracted by the wordiness, and I think you should definitely edit out the wordiness so more people can enjoy the story too!




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Mon Aug 14, 2017 1:04 pm
IcyFlame wrote a review...



Hi there,
I'm back! I just want to say that the way you've formatted this makes it exceptionally easy to read, so thank you for that. It's not relevant to your writing, I know, but it makes reviewing so much easier.

After opening the door, he didn't have to fret as to whether she would accept his assisting hand, for she entered with both hands latched under her chin.

So he didn't offer his hand? Was that why he didn't worry? I'm also struggling to picture 'hands latched under her chin'. I think this whole paragraph could do with some rewording.

The progress was lost by her noncompliance.

He doesn't seem to have made any progress?

"Miss Barrettmore," Hhe whispered harshly.

Shouldn't have a capital here.

"I don't know," Sshe quickly replied to her hands.

Same again.

Sitting back in his cushioned seat, Niall lethargically wrapped his arms around his waist and began observing the industrial view while giving her space.

I could picture wrapping his arms around someone else's waist but I'm not sure about his own waist. Maybe you could just say that he folded his arms?

. Then proceeded with the gesture.
This is a strange fragment sentence to have separated from the rest; you could include it in the previous sentence.


I like where this is progressing as usual, but sometimes it's easy to get lost in the description when reading your work. I understand you want to avoid cliches, but don't make it so different that we struggle to understand what you are saying. It's difficult for you, as you know exactly what is going on, but make sure you convey it in a way that others do too.
Congrats on spelling Lucrecia's name right this time ;)

Icy





The only way of knowing a person is to love them without hope.
— Walter Benjamin