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16+ Language Violence Mature Content

Viggo's Break - Chapter 2.1 - Taking a running start

by papillote


Warning: This work has been rated 16+ for language, violence, and mature content.

Viggo, a disgraced cop, spent a little under a decade in jail for a crime he didn't commit. Now, he's out for revenge. Once upon a time, Nyssa was his friend. Now, she has to decide whether she will help him.

To know more, read Chapter 1.2.

Russ reached for some pasta. One of those big packages adorned with the Italian flag. Nyssa gently tried to insert, “The red ones are…”

“Shut up.”

It hadn't come out with animosity or anything, it was just a casual display of authority on his part. She shut up and meekly bowed her head. God knew that it hadn't gotten easier with time. Or maybe it had. He threw the pasta he wanted in the cart, and she trotted down the aisle behind him. A woman almost bumped into him. He winked at her, and the stranger blushed, smitten.

Handsome bastard. Russel was in his forties, with an abundance of wavy black hair and dark eyes. He was tall and muscular with a dancer's poise and expensive European suits that showcased his sleek body. When he was in a good mood, Nyssa vaguely remembered how he used to get her all hot and bothered at one point. But he hadn’t been in a good mood in a long time.

The other women were welcome to him, for all she cared! Maybe sensing her rebellious thoughts, he put a hand on her elbow. His touch looked tender, but his fingers dug in her skin, tight, punishing. So, it was one of those days. She much preferred those when he treated her like a forgettable appendage and pursued fresher preys. Those were the safe days.

His nearness sickened her, his cloying perfume, spice and aftershave. She heaved a harsh, relieved breath when his phone rang. He let her go, propelling her forward with a little tap on her ass. That too, she hated. She abhorred the casual touching.

But she gritted her teeth, rubbed her elbow and walked away. Out of the corner of her eyes, she watched Russ take the call. She read his anger and fear with the ease of someone who depended on her instincts to survive. She nudged her earphone in place, furtively activating the phone's hidden functionality.

Russ's voice rang in her ear, “…get away?”

“The whole prison went down. We hadn't seen an earthquake like that in decades. People say the buildings wouldn't have collapsed like that if they had been up to standards.”

“Fuck standards! What are you doing to catch Carlsen?”

“Marshals are on it, but chances he reached the mainland are close to zilch. The coast is, like, a two miles swim.”

“Carlsen's father was a fisherman, you moron. He could swim before he could walk.” Russ swore some more, making a point maybe. “The man was my partner. Believe me when I tell you he reached that shore. You’ve got any idea where he’s going?”

The man on the phone drawled, “Actually, detective, we were kind of hoping you'd help us with that.”

“How would I know where he's going? I haven’t talked to him in years! Nobody has that I know of. His girlfriend from back then, ADA Angela Macdenn, got married last year and moved to the East Coast with her husband. His family and friends are done with him. Frankly, his fellow inmates probably know more about him than I do.”

“Well…Trouble is, they got squashed during the earthquake, so we really haven't got anybody else to ask.”

“Hell,” Russ growled. “Does the Sheriff Department need the SFPD's help on that one? Folks down here haven’t forgotten Helen Defoe.”

Helen Defoe. How did he dare speak her name?! Nyssa clenched her fists, focusing on the rows of yogurts. Russ liked them plain, so she took those.

“No, detective, we can handle it. As I said, due to the staggering death toll, it's not the biggest prison break we've had to handle. I'm sorry, I've got to go. The Marshals are there. Call me back if you get any information on Carlsen – any at all.”

“Will do, Sheriff. Keep me apprised.”

“Sure.”

There was no 'detective' this time, the sheriff didn’t sound like he intended to call in reports to Russ. Nyssa balled up her ear-buds and turned into the dairy aisle as if she had never eavesdropped on her boyfriend. It wasn't easy.

Viggo was out! She was almost more shocked than she was happy. They had failed to account for the possibility of an earthquake in all the plans they had contemplated, then discarded. It was just the miracle they needed.

Did life get any better?! Could her life get any better?

Someone had to be smiling down on them. It terrified her. She loathed her current life, but, at least, there were no more surprises. What was going to happen now? She couldn’t trust Viggo to protect her from the unknown, that was for sure.

In the last few months, as their correspondence had picked up, she had come to realize that the man she had once known, the good cop, the nice person was gone. The new and improved version of Peter 'Viggo' Carlsen was blunt, ruthless. He had a caustic sense of humor and no remorse, no compassion – no cruelty either, which somehow made up for the rest.

The transformation was visible to the naked eye. The lazy purposefulness was gone, he always seemed to be moving lightning-quick, sharp and deliberate, like a reptile. His body had grown lean and wiry, his face had hardened.His iceberg-blue eyes had always had the uncanny ability to pierce right through her. But he had cared. Now, he stared right through her, as if she was made of glass, as if she was nothing.

She was shaking under the onslaught of conflicting, clashing emotions. Then, she sensed Russ's approach – she had her uncanny abilities as well. She managed to stop trembling and to shape her face into a neutral, docile expression.

“Leave the cart,” he said. “We're going back home.”

She bit back a question. He grabbed her elbow again and led her back to her car. For once, she smiled when he sat behind the wheel – let him get his prints all over the vehicle.

“You were on the phone,” he remarked out of nowhere.

Inspiration struck. “Yes. Mom called. She hurt her back on the stairs yesterday.”

He scrutinized her with those beautiful eyes. She had no idea what he was thinking, and it made her wish she could scream her hate and frustration.

“Do you want to visit her?” he asked.

She didn’t know if she trusted his tone of compassion. He usually made sure she didn’t get what she wanted, but there was a faint chance that he would allow the visit this time, playing benefactor while getting her out of the way.

Cautiously, she replied, “She wants me to.”

“What do you want?”

She put a hand on his thigh, simpering. “Whatever you want me to.”

He kissed her, as she had expected him to. It was a rough, biting sort of kiss. She hated it as much as she hated him.

“Go help her,” he said.

“Thank you, Russ. You're so understanding.”

He smiled. The more she debased herself, the better he liked it. “I'm going to the station. Pack a bag and leave right away.”

“Alright.”

“Good girl,” he said, patting her cheek.

She shuddered. He liked to croon those words in her ear during sex.

They parked in front of his house, a bungalow in a nice neighborhood of mostly young, married couples. It was outwardly pleasant, no matter that life there was hell.

Russ kissed her again before he drove away. She kissed him back with all her pent-up feelings of disgust and self-hate. He appeared a little dazed when he pulled away. She waved from the porch. She had spent hours sitting out there while he was at work, contemplating the idea of death.

Death would have been a self-indulgence when she had so much to do, when she owed so much to Viggo. “Come on,” she told herself.

Lots of work ahead. She walked into the house. So many things to do.

First thing first, the kitchen, then the bathroom. She had staged both rooms to her satisfaction by mid-afternoon. She made herself a sandwich and she went into the bedroom. She turned on her computer and she started filming as she packed up.

“Russ…Geez, it's strange talking to a computer but I’m too afraid to say this to your face. Hm, sorry…I know you’re going to be angry, but don’t be stupid, don’t come after me. Don’t…” A tremor in her voice. “Don’t hurt me.” She took a deep breath. “I know everything. I know about Crystal Sarasian and some of the others. I know I’m not the first woman you do this too. You’re sick. Don’t come after me this time. I know everything,” she repeated in a low voice. “I know about First National Bank. I know about your dirty money and where it is. I’ve got enough proof to cause you trouble. Don’t make me use it.” Tears spilled out of her eyes. “Please, just let me go!”

She closed the laptop, thinking that she should have done that a long time ago.

It had been something of a threesome when they had first gotten together: the booze, Russ and her. After Viggo's arrest, not much had made sense anymore. At first, she had only gotten wasted on weekend nights – gotten wasted, gotten screwed and woken up feeling even more wretched. Then, Russ had fallen in the equation, and both the drinking and the screwing had spilled over on week nights.

There might have been some dope as well. Her memories of that time were blurry. She remembered making mistakes and people screaming at her.

The Sarasian case had been her wake-up call. Levowsky had put her on unpaid leave, advising her to get her head on straight. She had left. She had been running with no intention to go back. She had left so twisted a trail that she hadn't been too sure where she was or where she went until she had wound up in a women’s shelter in Miami.

Russ had found her within two days of her arrival. He had jumped her outside the shelter, dragged her to his car, kicking and screaming, and he had raped her right there, in the back-seat. Then, he had dropped her off on the sidewalk and driven away.

No need to hammer the point home: he could find her and have her, any way he wanted, any time he wanted. So, she had gone back home to San Francisco – gone back to work, trying to pretend that his late-night visits didn't happen, trying to pretend that he wasn't there every time she turned around. Not turning back to the bottle had taken everything she had.

She had survived day after day, week after week of this treatment. Through every small hurt, every ache, all the time she had spent hating both him and herself, she had contemplated the pleasant prospect of death. Letting go. Sleeping. Safely.

It had been within hand’s reach all that time. There was a bottle of vodka in her nightstand – and sleeping pills. She sometimes took them out for comfort. But she hadn’t let go. Insomnia plagued her, too many sleepless nights muddled her thoughts. Something stubborn lingered in her, something that couldn’t seem to give up on life. Plotting out Russ’s demise had been her life-line. The video would help, and so would everything else.

It was getting late. She had to hurry, Russ couldn’t catch her home when he came back from the station. Still, she couldn’t afford any mistake at this stage. She wasn’t coming back. She put on clothes – as many layers as she could, trying to disguise her silhouette. She added a cap and big-ass sunglasses, packed her trunk with everything she would need, and she pulled away from Russ's bungalow.

As it shrunk in her rear-view mirror, Nyssa tried to feel something. Anything would have been good – relief, hate, regrets, love…Anything. But she was stone-cold. She willed herself to stay that way, the way Viggo had become to withstand prison. She just wondered what would happen when the thick ice bubble finally melted.

She drove down a forgotten dirt-road to a steep rocky beach out of the beaten path. She sometimes hid there when Russ got in one of his moods. There was a poesy to doing this here.

She stepped out of the car, got her heavy canvas bag out of the trunk and threw her cell inside, shedding her electronic leash with maniacal glee.

“Try calling me now, asshole.”

She cranked all the windows open, switched to neutral and closed the door, then got behind the car, careful not to leave prints on the trunk as she pushed the vehicle into the ocean. It took surprisingly little time. One minute, the vehicle was there, the next it had disappeared in a cloud of bubbles. It had to be found, eventually, she just needed to make a serious attempt to get it out of sight.

She walked up the trail to the battered pick-up she had parked and hidden under a low tree, two miles away. She drove it to a cabin she had rented under a false id, although she was itching to be on her way. She was worried about Viggo. What if he hadn’t made it to the mainland? What if he had been injured in the earthquake? What if he was in pain? What if he needed her?!

But the plan was good. She needed to stick to the plan.

The cabin smelled of industrial cleaner and scratchy bedding, but it was neat and comfortable. She dropped her bag in the nearest armchair and made herself some tea. The owner had been grocery-shopping, as instructed.

A scalding hot cup of mint-tea did wonders for her mood. It was only mid-April but the cold draft on the shore had frozen her to the bones. She didn’t like to think about Viggo out there. Neither the tea nor the shower that followed were enough to drive that chill away. After almost boiling the flesh off her bones, she threw away her dirty clothes and underwear. She deliberately avoided looking at her reflection in the bathroom’s mirror. She hated the sight of her own body, all knees and elbows. She could count her ribs and vertebrae. Russ had very much enjoyed that.

Russ had enjoyed a lot of things he wasn't getting ever again.

She dug a pair of scissors out of her bag to cut her hair pixy short. It suited her, toning down the hard edges of her face. She had picked up hair-dye of a brown lighter than her own. Anything else would have clashed with her natural dark coloring. She kept a deliberately light hand. She certainly didn't need much to change her appearances.

Russ was forever complaining about unreliable witness statements. People noticed each other’s size and build but they didn't worry too much over the details. Slap on some loud, slutty makeup and a fake identity, and she would be ready to disappear.

She rinsed the chemicals out of her hair, dried herself and slipped into her shapeless PJs. She was usually fully-clothed within a dozen seconds of showering – it would take her a while, maybe it would even prove impossible to shed that habit.

She wasn't hungry. She was too upset for food. She checked and re-checked every lock. When she felt only marginally unsafe, she turned off the light. She did better in the dark. She snuggled up under a blanket in the sofa. She had no intention of making the bed, she didn’t need one to curl up and pretend to sleep while thoughts of the past and of the future tortured her.

How could it make her feel so jittery to finally get away from that man?

An old-fashioned TV-set sat in an open cabinet. Reaching for the remote, she turned it on. A news channel came on in black and white. They were talking about the earthquake – about Saint-Paul, especially. Pictures of the three escapees filled the screen.

Charlie Linred. Serial killer. Looked like somebody's favorite uncle.

Axel Bernard. Burglar. Rapist. Young and rabid.

Peter Carlsen. Former SFPD detective. Dirty cop. Murderer. Flat, harsh face. Eyes like ice-cubes.

People looked at them and they saw the worst of the worst. She looked at him and she saw the best thing left in her life. It wasn't saying much because really, he wasn't anyone's prize. But he was hers for now.

“Viggo,” she whispered, trying to trick her mind into remembering better times. “Viggo. Free.”

She turned off the TV, closed her eyes and willed herself to sleep. He didn’t need her all weak and needy. Viggo needed her to be strong. To be strong, she needed sleep.

So, she slept.

And she dreamed.

To know more about Nyssa and Viggo's past relationship, read Chapter 2.2.


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Sun Jun 25, 2017 3:33 am
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tgirly wrote a review...



Nice chapter! Everything's happening so quickly, but I can still picture everything pretty well, and I know how the events are affecting the characters.

It’s weird that Russ goes right from saying that he knows the guy could swim that far because he was his partner, to denying that he knows anything about the guy anymore or where he is. It’s very contradictory and I can’t tell if you meant for it to be that way.

“The man she had once known, a good cop, a nice person, would have but, in the course of those months, as their correspondence had picked up, she had come to realize that that man was no more.” Did I miss something, or have months really passed since the initial Thursday conversation between Viggo and Nyssa? It seemed a lot shorter, especially since it was all one chapter.

I love how eerily calm this chapter feels, especially while she’s at the cabin. It’s like the calm before the storm. I feel like something big or dangerous is going to happen in the next chapter, like it’s not going to go as planned. This creates good tension, while giving the narrative a break in the pacing so it’s not all speeding ahead.

“She could see her reflection in the floor mirror. She was the shadow of her old self. Her body was all knees and elbows, and she could count her ribs and vertebrae. Russ had very much enjoyed that.” You’ve already done such a good job describing Nyssa in the chapters from Viggo’s point of view. This isn’t really necessary, and the whole character-looks-in-mirror thing is a bit cliché.

“She was fully-clothed within a dozen seconds of showering.” This is confusing. If I’m following right, she showered, looked in the mirror, cut her hair, dyed her hair, and then was fully clothed, all within twelve seconds? Maybe move this up a few paragraphs to be right after she gets out of the shower? I do like the detail and the reasoning behind it; it gives good characterization and shows how traumatizing the experience has been for her.

“only marginally not safe,” I feel like there’s a smoother way to say this.

“she contemplated the past and the future.” If you’re going to put a line like that, you should let the reader be privy to what her contemplations are. The more specific here the better. Maybe she could be wondering if she’ll ever see her mom again? Or remembering back bittersweetly to when she was trusted and good at her job and didn’t have to worry about jerkface Russ?

Another great chapter.

-tgirly




papillote says...


Hi, I think I slightly improved the way Nyssa's nakedness is treated.



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Mon May 08, 2017 9:17 am
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Wriskypump wrote a review...



"He also dressed the part – expensive European suits." - I like how you always seem to say juuust enough. And it comes off so easy and understandable. It's also interesting how it always seem to read slo-mo, ya know? Entirely ravishing stuff.

"His perfume, spice and aftershave, sickened her." - From here to propelling her with a tap is such a revolting sentence. I feel everything and more that I totally should from the scene. Like if I saw that in a store, it wouldn't upset as much as you somehow possibly just made me. Plus I almost threw up when I smelled this dude. Will you put him in Saint-Paul by the end? Please?

"“Carlsen's father was a fisherman, you moron. He could swim before he could walk.” - I. Died. LOLOLOLIng!

"He has no family, no friend." - friends would be plural there.

"yoghurts. Russ liked them plain so she took those." - Yogurt is spelled like that. And second of all, EWW. Russ is a nasty one, playing "A gentleman's game." He likes plain? He must smoke too, cos he's tasteless.

"Viggo was out! " - I would give that like 3 or 4 exclamations. Because this is sheer jubilation for her. She's thinkin' he's gonna come and rescue her at some point Now!!!!

"He had a caustic sense of humor and no remorse, no compassion – no cruelty either, which somehow made up for the rest." - I just sit back in admiration. You allow me to cruise right through the story when you say it all so smoothly.

She managed to stop trembling and to shape her face into a neutral, docile expression." - I'm good at doing that too. Just... you know... maybe tooting my own horn a bit :P

"hurt her back in the stairs yesterday." - it would be on the stairs.

"playing benefactor while getting her out of the way, which he was intent on whenever he had something bloody planned." - I feel like it needs more of a complete pause. I'd put a semi-colon; instead of that comma after WAY

"Funny thing was she wasn't acting. She was merely remembering the state of mind she had been in the first time she had left him." - Your characterization is like little I've ever seen. Dare say I, never...

"Then, Russ had somehow fallen in the equation and both the drinking and the screwing had spilled over on week nights. - comma after equation,

There was a poesy to doing this here." - Taught me a new word!

"It smelled of industrial cleaner and scratchy bedding but it looked comfortable, neat, nearly cozy." - industrial cleaner AND SCRATCHY BEDDING!! You have quite the capable imagination, my friend!!

"She might not have been a cop but she had hung around some long enough that she knew how unreliable witness statements could be." - comma before but.

"People noticed size and build but they didn't worry too much over the details." - I actually do consider peoples size in detail. I think, in great part, because I am svelte, which is a subtle strength most people can't see. I never really take advantage of it, but I don't really want to. You are correct, however, that most people don't even care very much, they just see Huge, casual, and itty-bitty

And she dreamed of Viggo, right? ahaha, probably...

110/100




papillote says...


Thanks for the review.
You were a great help. I know I make tons of small mistakes but I have trouble spotting them on my own.
And I have a terrible memory for faces myself. I notice hair and size, and that's about it. Got me in embarrassing situations more than once.



Wriskypump says...


Yeah, small stuff is easy to overlook, but don't worry; your stuff is Rich Writing. It's like, seriously publishing material. The editor would hardly have to revise it I bet :)



papillote says...


Thank you. Maybe I will try my luck, then. You are certainly good for my confidence.



papillote says...


Hi, if you're still interested, I finished making corrections and I published a finished version on amazon. Just search "Run Free", Amelie Delbon. If you could leave a review, that would be great :D



Wriskypump says...


"Run Free?" Well, I guess it makes the title easier to find. Can I only buy it get it on Kindle or can I get a hard copy of it? I haven't read the whole thing so how can I review it?

Did you literally sell it for one cent per page?!



papillote says...


I published it in ebook form for now. You can get it per page too. I think I'll publish it in paperback form, but it takes time to design a cover (mostly because amazon create cover, or whatever they call it, is shit). Or you can read it for free on this site...I've published every chapter now.



Wriskypump says...


I will take some time to read it on here, as long as all the chapters here are like the final Version. I stopped reading it last year because i found it sort of violent and I imagined bloody brawls and fights and gore coming. But I don't really mind all THAT much, so I will read it anyway. It is pretty well written and is worth being published from what I have previously read.

My brother once ruined the cover of my novel by insisting it must look the way he envisioned. Wouldn't let me say otherwise, and I didn't have the design computer skills to do it myself. XDD I know the frustrations of that

I wouldn't mind purchasing a copy or 3 whenever it comes out



papillote says...


Thanks.
Funny you should mention your brother. I left the designing to my sister, since she has the skills and I don't. I cross my fingers that it will be okay.



Wriskypump says...


uh-oh... Sibling Syndrommme!! *scared face*



papillote says...


I think it's only right that we use their skills. We're the reason why they're good at what they do. My sister never had to read books for school, she just had to copy my essays and, so, she got very good with computers and art. Now, it's her turn B-)



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Sun Apr 30, 2017 4:16 pm
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inktopus wrote a review...



Hey, papillote! Storm here for a review this fine Review Day, so let's jump right into it!

Since this chapter is so long, I'm only going to review about half of it. A way to fix your long chapters is to separate them into parts like chapter 2 part 1. Or 2.1, 2.2, and so on.

she had no patience left for the silly gooses he so easily wrapped around his finger.

What does this even mean? Silly gooses? Like the women he cheats on her with? That's an awfully strange way to describe them.

Russel was still a very handsome bastard.

Bastard is a word that people would use in conversation. You shouldn't use it when writing anything other than dialogue if you aren't saying that he's actually a bastard. And by bastard, I mean his parents were unmarried when he was born. If you're not using it in that context, it's just strange to use the word.

The coast is like a two miles swim.”

This sentence doesn't make sense grammatically.

Viggo was out!

Is Viggo Carlsen? Name changes are confusing to the reader, so be sure to be clear about it.

The new and improved version of Peter 'Viggo' Carlsen was blunt, ruthlessly so.

Here, you mention that Viggo is the same person. But, it would have cleared up any confusion if you had done it sooner.

I'll tell you where I stopped so you'll understand what I know and don't know.

They had gotten together...Well, they had been more of a threesome: the booze, Russ and her. After Viggo's arrest, not much had made sense anymore.


Overall, this was very interesting. You have a lot going on, but I think you need to slow it down and clarify. There's a lot of backstory that the readers don't have (though maybe that's in your first chapter). Things are certainly moving along, but you want to make sure that it's not moving too fast. Fast paced is good, but your readers need to keep up.

Your description in this was very good. I don't really have anything else to say about that. Your characters seem to be well developed too. I did find a few grammar issues and typos, so look out for those.

I think what you need to work most on is clarity. Make sure the readers fully understand what is going on. You can't just throw a whole bunch of information at them and then not explain at least some of it.

Feel free to reply to this review or to pm me with any questions.

~Storm




papillote says...


I didn't thank you for your comment. It was very helpful. English isn't my first language and I suppose I still have issues with grammar. I'm also still not always clear on which expressions belong solely to the spoken language.
I didn't try too hard just this once. It's Nyssa's voice and she is very spontaneous. For example, she simply hates Russ too much not to call him a bastard in her mind.



inktopus says...


I didn't realize that English was your second language. You write more clearly and with better grammar than many native speakers I know and have even reviewed on here. I'm glad my review could help!



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Sun Apr 30, 2017 3:20 pm
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BluesClues wrote a review...



Wow, what a roller coaster this was.

Like at first I thought it was going to be a story about a woman in an abusive relationship, trying to get out of it. And then when we found out Russ was a cop, I was like, "Wow, cool," because it seemed kind of like a rogue-cop story but from the perspective of his girlfriend and unforgiving of his many, many, very bad faults. And then it turned out she's got her own kind of secret and is presumably pinning her murder on him - like in Gone Girl, but in a way that's far less disturbing and frankly gives me more to sympathize with her about.

Wow.

Plus you had some great characterization. And I really like that your characters aren't saints, but Nyssa and Viggo (who I'm just going to keep picturing as Viggo Mortensen, thank you for that) have enough going for them that I'm rooting for them anyway.

Russ, on the other hand, is the literal worst. But that's why I was so fascinated when we got to hear him on the phone with the sheriff, because he's obviously a cop and people on the force probably like him or believe every word he says.

This is just. Wow.

So it was a fascinating read, and I'd love to read more when you post it. (I just went back and more or less read Ch. 1, so I'm all caught up now.)

No suggestions for improvement just now, but perhaps once more is posted and I see how the plot plays out!

Image




papillote says...


Hi,
I just published part 2.2 (Viggo's Break - Chapter 2.2 - Taking a running start (seven years before)).
Please do read it if it's not too much trouble. I would love to hear more from you, especially since you are all caught up.
I'm just afraid I might have intelligibility issues. I do a lot of back and forth in Viggo's Break. Almost every chapter is divided between NOW and SEVEN YEARS AGO. Anyone starting to read mid-story will have a lot of catching up to do before they can understand what's happening.
Well, anyway, thanks for the review and good reading to you.



BluesClues says...


Okay! I'm not going to do it right now because I'm midway through movie night and just popped on for a quick visit, but give me a poke so I don't forget.




You know how hard it is to feel like an extreme falcon-headed combat machine when somebody calls you "chicken man"?
— Rick Riordan, The Red Pyramid