Kings Order

I'd love any responses to this considering I haven't been on this for a long time and this is some of my most recent work (although about a year old-haven't been writing often at all!) I'd just love to see what people think or what they feel it's about. 

Kings Order

The lachrymose fugitive refugee,

Amongst riches is taught poverty,

Comparing thy neighbours to pockets so deep,

Yet still baring none for one's selfish greed -

and with copper segments too far to reach.

 

Laced in diamonds and silk sewn,

offspring forced to wash his thrown

and carve his portrait into stone,

commend and praise his wit and woe...

 

Distance your kin without hesitation,

No direct message or dictation

despite the craving for communication

and when asking for none, she's your only fixation...

 

"Lineage circulates to son and daughter,

Of which bares to hold the need of slaughter,

Behead those who wash their veins with water,

Aside dear son, behead the daughter."

 

Trespass her grounds and frame the scene,

the upstairs and downstairs and in-between,

published her poetry and emotions for thee,

stalking her tracks as an odious routine.

 

Dislike and distaste and dissatisfaction,

the King merely understood her tales a fraction, 

yet demanded an answer and received a reaction 

from intruding and aggressive interaction.

 

"And great warrior, gas the city, fire the mortar,

Drown these woman in the King's bathwater,

Cut their throats and bodies' in quarters,"

Fear in threats clear in Kings order.

 

Throughout your discourse and corrupted thrills,

reflects onto the psychopathic fatal ills

the pleads and apologies with distressed shrills,

forever cautious of where their blood spills.

 

Daughter considers and withers in 'fear'

pronounces her emotions as he wanted to hear,

although her motives are seeming unclear -

distinctly certain she is insincere.

 

Amongst the bedbugs and demons they're sleeping,

she is the night terror awake to watch your screaming,

carved your brain and heart till there's bleeding -

and in the fall of the sun, she watched his dreaming...

 

He shall mourn the loss of his only daughter,

Bloodline washed and cleansed with water,

down the pathway and cut the quarter,

for the King's men and kinsmen never sought her.

 
Comments & reviews · 1
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GOOD STUFF
1. Layout
2. Storyline ( kind of dark )
3. Conventions
4. Effective mood setting
5. Metaphorical in some ways, threading itself into the story
BAD STUFF
1. Rhyme scheme was a bit flawed

Other than that, it was a well written piece .

Keep writing!

w&w



As ideas are always better than their execution, so too must dough taste better than cookies.
— Horisun