A Bridge

by nomadpenguin

  • Poetry
  • Realistic · Lyrical

Published November 21, 2012

This is the bridge where we first met.
The storm clouds above had sent their vanguard,
making the pavement as slick as January ice.
You apologized for my wet knees when
I handed your papers back to you.

I’ve been wandering the town like a Tibetan mystic,
walking the rolling hills and jagged mountains
with nothing but saffron and sandals
in search of a nobler truth
than can be found at home, sitting at my desk with
you humming under your breath
in the next room.

I went to all the places we said we'd never forget,
the coffee shop I took you that afternoon,
the park where we lay under the moonlight and
wondered what chord the universe would sing
if every star were struck like a distant, shining bell.

All those times I recall with perfection,
the way your hair changed color with the dying sun,
a joke you made about some unfortunate bystander.

But now, as I lean against the railing with
not a hint of cloud in the sky,
I cannot bring to mind
why I loved you.
Comments & reviews · 3
User avatar
aouther2b
Review
aouther2b wrote a review Review · Dec 31, 2012

Hi, so sorry it took me so long to review, but here it is.

I like this poem for a number of reasons. the imagery is astounding, and each stanza holds a lot to love. There are a number of things I don't like though. Keep in mind these are all my personal opinions, and no matter what I say this is still a great piece.

To me its very cramped. It seems like you wanted so much of your idea on one line or within the stanza that you forgot punctuation that could have helped it flow. Especially the first two stanzas. Keeping with the idea of flow, there wasn't very much. Each stanza held it's own story, but within the poem none of them connected very well. You seem to change tense a bit and it threw me off for a while, I can't realize until the end that you are reminiscing, and that is mostly to do with the second stanza.

I do have a favorite stanza though.

"I went to all the places we said we'd never forget,
the coffee shop I took you that afternoon,
the park where we lay under the moonlight and
wondered what chord the universe would sing
if every star were struck like a distant, shining bell."
There is so much to like about this stanza, but what I enjoy most is the simplicity.

I hope this was of help! Keep up the good work!

User avatar
mb1221
Review
mb1221 wrote a review Review · Nov 24, 2012

Wowww I really enjoyed reading your poem... The topic is really interesting and it caught my attention really quickly. Especially, I really liked the ending. Keep up with the great work. Looking forward to read your other works :)

User avatar
Nightlyowl
Review
Nightlyowl wrote a review Review · Nov 21, 2012

This poem started out reminiscing about the past and as the reader you could feel the wistful affections for those times portrayed in the poem. I love how it started out with happy memories and then changed to a more downbeat idea of where the love had been. It goes to show that even though good memories come from a relationship or another person, that doesn't mean you're in love with them. I like the idea of how this explains why some relationships might not work out, how you fall in love with the memories and the idea of perfection instead of actually falling in love with the person you spent that time with. Though its depressing thinking about how love can change, and how you may think you're in love when you're not. This poem though, portrays that change and that empty feeling one gets when they realize that they're not in love with the person they thought they were hopelessly in love with. I really liked this. Five owls out of five.
~Nightlyowl



A thing of beauty is a joy forever; its loveliness increases...
— John Keats