Young Writers Society

hi diss (hello, chi)

time to review this poem, sigh.

wow immediate jade mention! i wonder who this poem is about. anyway, her being your light-- the memory lingering. interesting. painting her as this heavenly thing, the "promised deliverer".

and you've done it again with the anatomy wow such a pattern. "rat king of limbs". becoming one with someone, entangled so deeply.

"she can sense it on me because it lingers forever."

THAT. that is it. you have done it. the lingering of her! she ruminates inside your memory, somewhat sticking to you. and this time, instead of you being the one being bone broken! she is breaking her fingers!!! interesting.

the speaking in this is very interesting. having your soft parts and the rigid things and the things that will kill you. and the stomach! the disgust/fear/shock factor of it all, ever present. feeling love drift off, leaving it behind. hmm.

you paint this love and this hate, this absence and yearning is such a. chi thing. i suppose. i 100% wanted to see more sun/sky jade throughout. i do like the idea of her becoming the sun but leaving filth on you, that is not very sun-esque imo but idk chat i think you need more sun/sky. is her light your shadow, is it rumbling inside your stomach unsettled by the missing

that is what i am thinking.

anyway ate 100% diva, sigh.

best & sincerely,
señor herb

Hi, I'm Jululu and I'm here to write a review!
Firstly I would like to say that this is a lovely poem and I relate to it. I'm not sure if I interpreted it correctly tho. Anywho, on to the review!


I can feel the intensity of what you're describing, the pull between love’s warmth and its undeniable pain. You’re caught in a connection that may overwhelm you, where every touch and every moment of absence feels like it’s rewriting you. You say, “absence coats the lining of my stomach, when she is there and when she is not. i feel my chest leaking out of me,” and I understand that feeling of being hollowed out, of love making you feel both full and empty at the same time. There’s something almost haunting about how you know the heartbreak is coming, but it still feels inevitable, like it's part of the relationship’s truth. You write, “she tells me, 'one day, you will hate me. you will hate me more than anything.' and i say, 'yes.'” It’s as if you're both the healer and the wound, and that delicate balance of tenderness and destruction is what makes it so real. I get it, the way love can consume, leave you hollow, yet still make you crave it.

Again I would like to say I loved reading this poem. I can't wait to read more of your work!