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The Sacrifice of Beauty

by mechasvi969

     Time flies. The continuous and relative nature of time is enough to generate mirage which keeps peeping out to greet one's life. Alexa and John were happy with their life until one such mirage made it's dramatic entry in their lives. Routine is one among those cunning things which people find difficult to get comfortable with . The stinking pungent odour of daily toil, the eager but oppressed outburst of feelings in mind, the governance of ticking clock are few of the things that make this word ugly duckling. But this word portrayed itself to these Children in quite impressive way. Their daily routine was the most lovable thing for them. This routine was not an usual one. It was not at all bounded by the harsh regulations and orthodox mentality of society. But instead it was a whirlpool of pure love and affection which possessed the capacity to drown only the worthy ones.

          Advancing through the slender grass with each other’s hands together to witness the sunset on seashore was the daily routine of alexa and john. They used to sit on a rock which was half submerged in the water. The sun itself never dared to get retired from its daily chores without the permission of these two children. They both used to return to their homes when the sun had started snoring into the damp dark silence. This precious time for them was just like breathing for normal human being. Alexa’s father was a government employee. Unlike the john’s father who was a private businessman. But the discrimination of their type of work was never a barrier for them or for their children.

             They shared same colony from where the roaring sea and the limit to it’s mightiness were clearly visible. This was the perfect place for two innocent hearts to tie up a knot binding the threads of their innocent attire of love.There was neither a word of argument nor a greedy hunger of expectations in their relationship. Their relation was in close resemblance with the fresh mountain spring which don’t need any proof for it’s transparency. One morning alexa came to know that her father was about to get a promotional transfer to another city. Her sudden urge of happiness due to father’s promotion found it difficult to trade off with the sorrow and grief which she was about to deal with after the separation from her best friend. The dilemma of being devoured by both joy and morose at the same time was really unsolvable.

                The confirmation of the news of her father’s transfer to other city was like a ripple stretching out and also disturbing spring of their friendship. The water wasn’t still anymore just like their minds. That day was much longer for both alexa and john. The seconds appeared to them like hours, the class was no more alive for them, the blackboard was not important for them, the chirp of birds was no more charming for them and the life was no more meaningful for them. As the sound of last bell of school cleared it's way through their ears to hearts, they knew their destination. Their footsteps lead them directly to the meeting spot. But the grass on their way seemed to be dull and nonchalant. As the destination arrived closer the tightness of silence grew more intense. That day the canvas of sky was without the painter, the bunch of flower was without fragrance. Only the ocean was prepared to confront the truth. For long time the splashing waves on the rock witnessed relentless silence. This awkward silence was broken firstly by the boy who said,”We shall meet definitely in the future.” The girl nodded her head. She wasn’t able to utter a single word.He took her hands in his and said smoothly, “Promise me. We will meet each other in future no matter what happens. I will become a big person and you with your beauty will again become my friend forever.” These types of commitments sound childish but they are the advocate of purity and innocence . Alexa tightly hugged him with her raged heartbeats which were clearly felt by his sweating chest. That hug was the last reply she gave and he was left all alone sitting on the rock as he watched tears of sun being mixed up silently in the water. The dried corners of his eyes were self explanatory about the gravity of the situation. John returned home with sorrow in his emotions and determination in his actions.

               Saplings in garden grew into trees, the open unbounded sky over stretched ocean observed continuous cycles of varying seasons. The breeze flying across the area could read the name plate on john’s home as ‘Dr. John’. The priorities in everyone’s lives were changed. Patients in hospital strove hard to occupy the place of alexa in john’s heart. Even though the last hope to meet his beloved friend was still alive in his mind like a spark in nearly extinguished fire, the material needed to feed this spark so that it can be converted into undiminished fire was barely available. After passage of so many years his practical brain refused to accept existence of childhood love. But the strength of his promise was countering every argument given by emotionless practicality of his brain.

           In a city far away from john’s sea, alexa grew up quite normally. Being the only child in her family she never felt any kind of scarcity of anything. The only one thing she couldn’t find in that city was her childhood sea, her daily routine and of course above all warmth of the presence of john. She was damn sure about the fulfillment of the promise they made fifteen years ago on the same rock which witnessed their entanglement in each other so closely. But this strong belief was sometimes shaken by the truthfulness of the fact that after so many years there wasn’t any response from the other side. She kept on emphasizing on the fact that the promise was not merely a statement. It was commitment who was actually the main speaker at that time. Her life also decided not to discourage her.

                    Another busy day for Dr. John. The season of monsoon had become his rival by that time. He hated this season as it bought to him more appointments with patients and more duties to be fulfilled. But it also bought with it some sort of satisfactory sense to him. He was very much happy with his work. In lunch break while he was sitting in his cabin a nurse whooshed in and announced,” You need to visit the emergency room immediately. These kinds of quick requests cum orders had become the usual part of his job. He hurried to the emergency room where he found out many nurses rushing in and out with sudden surge of urgency. The reason for invitation was evident. Another case in that nonchalant season was awaiting.  He made his way to the operation table where body of a young girl was lying before him with the face of her body greatly damaged and was beyond any sense of recognition. He started his work.The accuracy and dedication towards his work was the main reason for being a good doctor apart from his knowledge in that field. 

                  The cases which involved the complete renovation of face were not new for him. He did his best job ever to restore her face. His performance was worth praising. The girl was kept in special care unit in his hospital. He later on got to know more about that girl. According to the the nurses the girl was originally from a city which was far away from their city which was evident from the fact that no one had come till that time to see her. He was also provided the information that the girl was found lying on the side of the road in a pool of blood all around her. Most probably she had been strike by truck or something.

                            He felt very sorry for the girl and also thanked god for giving that girl a totally new life. He did all the expenses for this girl as nobody was there for her. He felt a certain kind of satisfaction while helping her. He felt like meeting someone very close to his heart. As the days passed she recovered fully. She thanked Dr.John many times for his deeds. He told her that it was his duty and nothing more. The nurses also had become her friends. They all behaved so well with her that they never felt the truth that she didn’t belong there. But Dr. John was the most enthusiastic person around her. He used to constantly inquire about her status on health, spend more time with her so that she could become happy. There was no effort made by the two to know each other's name. They used to talk normally as if they knew each other very well.This feeling of being close to that girl frightened him by the thought of forgetting his beloved alexa. Just after the entry of that  thought in his mind he used to remember the promise they made to each other.

                        As the day of saying goodbye to the hospital arrived, she became more serious. That feeling was just like child getting separated from it’s mother. She decided to meet the doctor finally so that she could thank him for all the things he had done so far. She entered his room. He was sitting in his chair. He welcomed her and asked her to take a sit. She sat down. She said,” Thank you very much doctor for all that you have done for me. These debts are impossible to return . But my purpose of being here is still incomplete. Can you please help me to fulfill a promise that was made fifteen years ago?”. He answered in affirmative. But as the conversation was going on her eyes caught the glimpse of his name plate which was  kept on his table.

                           As she read the name the entire past stood before her. The same john with whom she made promise to live whole life together was standing before her. She could feel the pain in her throat as she tried to speak out. The suppressed feelings all over these years found their way out through her tears. Finally she was able to produce sound. “I . mm am hmm Alexa.” This name stirred a tremendous flow of thoughts in his mind. He stood before her and looked in her eyes the same way he used to look fifteen years ago. He was only able to pronounce,” Why I made you to sacrifice your beauty?”. They hugged just like they did before fifteen years but now with tears in their eyes and satisfaction in their hearts.   

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39 Reviews

Points: 925
Reviews: 39

Sun Feb 24, 2019 4:35 pm
Traves wrote a review...

Hey mechasvi969 . Traves here for a quick review.
So it appears that this one is on a similar theme from your previous work, though I like that you took the short story route this time.

- What I liked about this was the depth at which your metaphors and imagery were, and it was impressive. I can see that must take time. You have a knack for connecting different imagery and how to bring out a particular aspect of something through description. My first suggestion would be pacing and basically deciding what needs to be the prime focus of the current line or current paragraph. You don't need to give imagery and description for everything mentioned in the story, only the important ones. The reviewer below is correct, that you divert a bit from the point to talk about other things. Although this might just be your style, still it could be tighter and a writer's style isn't set in stone anyway. E.g.—
i. "Saplings in garden grew into trees, the open unbounded sky over stretched ocean observed continuous cycles of varying seasons. "

could just be replaced by " time passed." and I don't feel a lot of the story or the wordplay or themes would be missed out. So how this works into the pacing is that how important a particular part is to whole story depends on how many words it has compared to other parts that are not the important part of the story. Thus, it reduced the impact of the over-all story and how engrossing it was to the reader. Some tighter editing would definitely help with that. Although slower pacing is not a problem in itself, it were the meanders which were a bit of an issue here. Here's a good article on the nuances from YWS Knowledge base —
Pacing, and why it is important

- So I would suggest that you also focus on exactly how important a particular detail or imagery or the details of a detail are, to the central plot. Again, I'm not saying that it's not good, it's just that too much of one good thing can dampen the effect of other parts. Summarize the side parts and take time with the scene for the important parts.
This YWS article captures the "Summary vs Scene" part quite well since obviously a balance has to be struck.
Summary vs. Scene

- in a short story which has only a few characters, unless some plot point specifically depends upon it, try to not mention the characters by name a lot. It can take away some of the immersion sometimes, and is basically not a necessary part often (for example if you analyze your story through , the trigram "Alexa and John" occurs thrice. The tool is pretty interesting and I recommend trying it out and going through the parameters)

- Again, pay a bit more attention to your grammar, it is alright but not 100% correct. If you're not sure how to use a certain word, google always has the answer. Use it mercilessly. Plus a few sentences felt a bit awkward though not explicitly wrong.

- I loved the story and the plot. The vocabulary is strong. The imagery is apt. A little editing and tightening up would help a lot with this story.

Keep writing and sharing!

mechasvi969 says...

Thanks traves for your guidance to improve my story. i will definitely go through all my mistakes and also through the resources you provided to me. I assure you that next time I will come up with far better work.

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30 Reviews

Points: 1334
Reviews: 30

Tue Feb 12, 2019 3:52 pm
GigiNicole17 wrote a review...

Hey, Mechasvi969,

I think you did an overall great job on this story. Not to sound like a critic, but you did get a tad bit off course with your plot. Also, make sure you remember the capitalization and punctuation rules. Another thing would be to make sure that like paragraphs go together, and to start a new paragraph when you have a new idea/theme you want to develop. Like I said before, you did a great job overall, just a few grammar and structure mistakes. I hope I don't sound like a complete jerk right now, lol. It's all just a little constructive criticism, I don't mean to come off as rude. Keep writing you're doing great! :D


mechasvi969 says...

thanks GigiNicole17 for your suggestions on my work . I will definitely make sure that my next version of story will be far better than this one.

There is a difference between being poor and being broke: broke is temporary; poor is eternal.
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