z

Young Writers Society


E - Everyone

year of the dog // 2018

by Charm



A/N I don't even know what this is. Also it kind of falls apart at the end. I like the first stanza. Help me.

Note: You are not logged in, but you can still leave a comment or review. Before it shows up, a moderator will need to approve your comment (this is only a safeguard against spambots). Leave your email if you would like to be notified when your message is approved.







Is this a review?


  

Comments


User avatar
29 Reviews

Points: 0
Reviews: 29

Donate
Sun Jan 28, 2018 4:27 pm
View Likes
lemonboi wrote a review...



Wow, I thought this was really good! I don't think it fell apart at the last stanza, the last stanza made it feel like the whole poem was free verse, but it took gradual realization and then BAM you see it! And honestly, I like free verse more. I didn't even know it was the year of the dog. I LOVE dogs. This poem was so adorable and, if I'm not mistaken, I feel like you were sending the message that last year, the storm, might have brought in some goodness this year. Oh my pancakes, the simplicity was so complex when you get closer. Ooh big words. XD I know this review was short, but I wanted to say it again: I really like this poem.




Charm says...


Thank you!



User avatar
109 Reviews

Points: 7955
Reviews: 109

Donate
Thu Jan 04, 2018 12:58 am
neptune wrote a review...



Hey marms! I'll drop a little review here, hopefully it'll help! :D

i'll get to know him soon enough
whether he is kind or harsh,
lucky or not. but, from what
i've heard dogs are good friends.

I know you feel like the poem falls apart at the end, but this last stanza is probably my favorite! You did a wonderful job summarizing in a gentle way and then the last line afterwards improved the ending, as well! It's just... such a satisfying stanza! <3

This poem was well thought out! I honestly wasn't sure what year of the animal it was before I read this. I did look a couple of things up to learn and understand about Chinese zodiacs and the year of the dog. On this website as well as this website I learned several things. The dog is the symbol of loyalty, honesty, fortune, health and has several other traits along with those ones. I know some of those traits apply to the people born in that year, but maybe it would be interesting to see those included somewhere in your poem, to symbolize the dog that the speaker describes? I like how the speaker mentioned dogs being good friends, lucky, etc. It would be interesting to see more of the dog's traits here, though!

To me, your weakest stanza was the second one. I got not much out of it, and I think adding figurative language would help emotion and feeling come through a little better. The whole second stanza felt like a bit of a "backstory" (if that makes sense?) and compared to your other's it wasn't as strong.

I absolutely love how you began off this poem. Like a new year, the dog appears happily at the front door -- starting the year. The concept was really interesting, because I've never thought about or seen someone write about this. Without the title, it might've taken me a while to guess what this could be about, but I suppose that's what titles are for, haha. Just felt like I could mention that anyway.

This poem, as many of your poems are, is very simplistic yet detailed! Your style is flawless. Beside what I mentioned about adding a little bit of figurative language, you did an excellent job! I hope this helped the slightest bit. :) Sorry this review wasn't the best; I'm trying to improve my reviewing and poetry writing myself by reading others. Thank you for sharing this wonderful piece! <3

neptune




Charm says...


Thank you so much!



User avatar
16 Reviews

Points: 191
Reviews: 16

Donate
Wed Jan 03, 2018 12:02 pm
ItsYsaaa wrote a review...



Hey there!!

I am here for a review. Well, mostly because I was interested to read this piece you wrote. Before anything else, I like your theme and images used. Your poem is well-written. It can be understood in so many fascinating ways.

The meaning and significance can be observed. I liked how you made use of stanzas, for it showed order.

I suggest you use capitalization (if you want to) and add more to the strength of the image you are trying to express.

Nonetheless, you did an amazing job! I hope to read more of your works :)





Gravity was a mistake.
— Till Nowak