Young Writers Society

Home » Literary works » Poetry » Narrative

12+

tightrope of distances

by marmalade



Note: You are not logged in, but you can still leave a comment or review. Before it shows up, a moderator will need to approve your comment (this is only a safeguard against spambots). Leave your email if you would like to be notified when your message is approved.







Is this a review?


  

Comments



User avatar
20 Reviews


Points: 294
Reviews: 20

Donate
Fri Feb 17, 2017 2:20 pm
Frinderman says...



I don't have much to say, but this is a great poem. You always seem to express your themes very well, making it look easier than it really is and it always inspires me to do better with my own work.
Hope you have a great day! ^-^




User avatar
11 Reviews


Points: 1004
Reviews: 11

Donate
Fri Feb 17, 2017 6:55 am
View Likes
voiceofdragons wrote a review...



The last two lines I think a repetitive "I am" would hit harder. "I am not a tightrope walking acrobat. I am tired." But that's just me.

I have an odd love of semi-colons and I appreciate that they fit well with your work.

"I promise I'm trying to forget and live again" I love this.

"I think I tied a string onto you when I wasn't looking" Reminds me a bit like holding on to someone who's just going to keep hurting you (emotionally, mentally, etc.).
"when I wasn't" seems a bit awkward here, though. Maybe "without looking"?

I enjoy the staggering and repetition of the word "down". Nice visual effect, as is the image of the (not) tightrope walker at the end.

I enjoyed reading this a lot.




marmalade says...


Thank you



User avatar
31 Reviews


Points: 18
Reviews: 31

Donate
Fri Feb 17, 2017 6:33 am
Werthan wrote a review...



So, do you die when you fall off the tightrope of distances, since you're trying to live again and you keep tumbling down? I also like the nice illustration. The fact that the person habitually walks the tightrope of distances yet says "i am not a tightrope walking acrobat" is rather profound in my opinion as well. It addresses that there's (potentially) a difference between doing and being, even habitually, which is interesting since I often see those conflated in more modern contexts (such as with the popular concept of addiction, which isn't necessarily conflation, but often is). The person just asserts that line unequivocally, like it's not even a question, and I don't see that done a lot either really, at least in the context of "I am (not) this". Despite asserting that unequivocally, the theme is stated right at the beginning from the first line: "relapse back to old acquaintances". So it's a paradox regarding willpower (to assert that one is not able to do something) vs. lack of willpower (to not be able to do something) as well. The doodle at the bottom is also a nice touch that matches with the concrete poetry elements.





Be steadfast as a tower that doth not bend its stately summit to the tempest’s shock.
— Dante Alighieri