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Democracy Bites

by lyssiekins


Now you have everything.
You were told that your mind is your brain.
If they are the same
Why is there still pain?
On your doorstep, a lone wolf.
You pretend he is not your kind
while he howls at the same sky

The same sky that brought your all
took his all away.

Is it fearing the wolf
the power in our running legs?
In our tasked brains
we may pretend we don't mind,
but mind and brain are not the same
That we could acknowledge the pain,
instead of fearing to go outside
we could let our feared wolf in.


Your fear was becoming the wolf,
not treating wolves and dogs as kin.


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Sat Jul 19, 2014 12:47 am
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ExOmelas wrote a review...



So, I don't know exactly who the Lone Wolf is. Right now I'm thinking communism because lots of people are scared of communism. Whoever it is, maybe you could add a little symbol or something (eg for communism, a hammer and sickle scar across its shoulder).

Anyway,

The last two lines

Your fear was becoming the wolf,
not treating wolves and dogs as kin.


Were absolutely perfect because they had been isolated from the rest of the poem. It's like the rest of the poem was building up to explaining that one point.

Also, it's a very important point. A lot of pain could be saved by 'treating dogs and wolves as kin'. I think you have put forward a simple but valuable message here.

Which is why it's a shame it's a little difficult to unde--

maybe the wolf is democracy...?




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Fri Jul 04, 2014 2:55 pm
Hannah wrote a review...



Okay! So first of all I have to say that I read this poem like three times and am still not confident that I understand it. I also acknowledge that in English classes we usually learn how we're supposed to interpret poems and symbols and figure out what they mean, so somehow that cryptic type of poem gets set as a standard and we think we can do the same, just leaving only wisps of hints for our readers. But obviously if I don't understand your poem, I can't love it or connect to it.

SO, all I can do right now is tell you what I think it's about and why. You can then use that to judge whether your words got your message across the way you wanted, etc. :)

I hope these thoughts will be helpful to you!

There's obviously a conflict between two parts of one person, which comes across at first as the mind v. the brain. I've already got a problem because I'm not sure what kind of distinction the poem is trying to draw between the word "mind" and the word "brain" in relation to a human's value, since generally brain is just an organ and it doesn't really matter to how a person sees themselves.

Then we've got another conflict, which is a wolf howling at the moon. Maybe this is conflict between a person and their wild side? But then you tagged this poem as politics and the title is about democracy, so what does a wolf represent in terms of that? I get lost again.

Mmm, with the mention of the sky that became your all and took his away, I get a glimmer of like immigration? Like there are wolves and dogs -- you mention in the poem description that dogs came from wolves, so I'm thinking maybe there's some kind of conflict between different races over land and owning the land? But I dunno why you'd be afraid of the wolf, unless it's like afraid of illegal immigrants taking over jobs? I feel way off base.

Um, and again I don't know what the pain is about the brain and the mind either.

I feel like the last stanza totally has the potential to be amazingly powerful, because the sentiment is there and set up, and it's a lovely comparison and juxtaposition BUT the problem is that I don't know what the wolf is or what the dog is, so I don't know what it's alluding to and completely lose any deeper meaning. ;_;


Yep, that's all I got.
If you have comments or questions, please PM or reply to this review.
Good luck and keep writing!

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Fri Jul 04, 2014 1:59 pm
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TheCrimsonLady wrote a review...



Hello, love! Aurora here with a quick review for you!

Ahem. I didn't understand really any of this poem until I read the last two lines. I still haven't decided whether of not I like it.

It's very metaphorical. I usually hate this type of poem because I simply cannot figure out what it means, unless I'm the one that wrote it...

I like the discussion of 'are the mind and brain the same'? I think a sister poem could be written with the 'heart and soul' and maybe a cat.

As for critiques, I don't know if a wolf is the animal you want. A lone wolf is usually one who has been thrown out of it's pack. The one that's dead weight and weak.
You also switch tenses a lot in this poem. Clear that up, and you'll be golden.
Keep writing, love.
Aurora




lyssiekins says...


I think based on your description of the lone wolf this works even better, because what I was really trying to draw attention to was how so many people are treated like dead weight and weak and we let them starve on our doorsteps rather than acknowledging that they are our brothers and by living beneath the same sky so deserve the same basic rights. (shelter, food blah blah blah). Democracy keeps us separate by making us fear to become the outcast by losing our worth (which we view as money) Yet they are only outcasts by this skewed perception. :) Sorry I write a lot of poetry that is more straight out but I just like to keep people guessing sometimes.




"My spelling is wobbly. It's good spelling, but it wobbles, and the letters get in the wrong places."
— A.A. Milne