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The boy and his wolf.Chapter 1. Muffins. (DISCONTINUED)

by luna889

Warning: This work has been rated 16+ for mature content.

     I let out a sigh waking up in an alleyway. My back throbbed from the concrete wall I had been laying against as I leaned forward. My stomach let out a loud growl and I frowned. When was the last time I had eaten, two maybe, three days ago? I stood up, shaking some dirt off my clothes, and grabbed my backpack.

   It held all of the belongings I had to my name inside it. I left the alleyway and started down the sidewalk. Yes, I was homeless and I had been for a while. My father had kicked me out after my fourteenth birthday, I guess he had just got tired of looking at me. I laughed to myself, that was an understatement.

   He hated me, he had made it perfectly clear I met nothing too him. As if the abuse wasn’t enough he also blamed me for my mother's death. A parasite he had called me, a leech. Biting my lip I stopped mid-step, was it really my fault? She had died giving birth to me after all.

  Hearing a loud car alarm I was brought to reality, I had walked right in the middle of the road unknowingly. The person motioned for me to go across and I did. I took even more care to watch where I was walking so I didn’t end up as roadkill. 

I heard a loud yip as a furry head popped out of my backpack, a wolf pup, ”Morning Asher..” I had found her shortly after I had been “Evicted”.

   I had to no idea where she had come from just that she had been abandoned on the side of a road in a rather cramped cage. She used to be so timid, it had taken me months for me too even get her use to me. When I did get her use to me, however, she wouldn’t let me out of her sight. She was like a guard dog, always snapping at people who got too close to me. Her head snapped in the air, she smelt something.

   It had taken me a few minutes but I did too, I couldn’t be more. I found myself in front of a small cafe, Mufette's Cafe. I looked through my wallet, nothing,” Well, I really hate to do this but I've got to survive someway.”

   Walking through another alleyway I saw a window sill and on it lay a pan of muffins. I frowned, I really didn’t like doing this,” Okay Ash you know the drill.”

  Climbing on top of a garbage can lid, Asher climbing on top of my head, we snatched the muffins and climbed back down. Only when a Monster females face peering down at us did we take off running, she had seen us.

     I could hear the monster screaming behind me as I raced down the street. Looking over my shoulder I found a few more monsters had joined the chase, a fish woman and a rather tall skeleton. I let out a growl of frustration, all this for a pan of muffins?!? I picked up the speed, taking as many turns as possible, in hope of losing them. Somewhere along the way, my eyes met another.

  It had stunned me for a minute but I shook it off and continued running. The person I had locked eyes with was a monster, a skeleton like the one chasing me. He was definitely shorter, wearing a blue coat and a pair of ball shorts. He has looked surprised as I skidded past him. Just as I had turned my gaze forward I felt the need to look back just too see him again, but I bit back the impulse thinking it was completely unnecessary at the time.

  Finally, I came to an opening between two buildings, I sat down or more like collapsed in a heap of gasps and pants for air. I was exhausted, how much stamina did a monster have?!? Laying my head against the brick wall behind me, I attempted too slow down my heartbeat and let the adrenaline ware off. I peeked my head around the corner to make sure I had lost them then closed my eyes. I knew it would take Asher a few minutes to catch up do to the routes she normally took. We had devised this strategy a long time ago when we ran into situations like this.

  Unfortunately, this happened quite often, I found it was difficult to get a job so I never really had any money. What we would do was separate after getting what we needed making it difficult for the person to catch up too us. It had worked for a while and was very effective especially since we knew our way around the alleyways and streets. We had been caught once but the person was an older woman and she let us go with a warning. We had learned to be more cautious after that.

  Hearing Asher’s loud barks I sat back up, she pushed the pan towards my hand tail wagging madly. I cracked a small smile than counted the muffins, twelve. Taking six and giving the others to her they were gone within seconds. Lazily kicking the pan at a nearby garbage can, Asher climbed into my lap. My eyebrows raised, she was that tired? Looking up, I noticed it was getting dark rather quickly.

  I shrugged, laid my head back against the wall, and closed my eyes yet again. I began to think about the skeleton from earlier, who exactly was he? Did he have any family or was the one chasing me related to him? I hadn’t come across any other skeletons so that seemed highly possible to me. Sighing, I looked at the now dark sky.

 I smiled slightly, ”There sure are a lot of stars out tonight, ya conked out too soon Ash.”

The wolf shifted but didn’t respond, I laughed, ”Well I guess we're spending the night here, it’s not like we can go anywhere else.” 

  Laying back I could feel the pull of sleep as I yawned. Minutes later or more like seconds passed as I fell into a deep slumber, unknown to me my life was about to get a lot more complicated.

                     (I do not own under tale or any of it's characters all I own are Asher and Mason.)            

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417 Reviews

Points: 4359
Reviews: 417

Thu Feb 28, 2019 1:49 am
Wolfical wrote a review...

Hey luna!

While I have played Undertale, I'm not suuuper familiar with the lore, and I've never read a fanfiction before, so disregard any critique I give you out of plain ignorance. That being said, I really enjoyed this! The novel doesn't read like a fanfiction so far - a lot of your ideas seem original. Post-pacifist route would take place mostly above ground, right? That's why there are alleyways and cars? If so, I'd assume your settings and some of your characters would have to be original.

My biggest critique is that this chapter is very short. That's an easy fix, though - down the line, you can combine chapters and expand scenes as you please.

I love how you start the novel with a brief show-not-tell of Mason's current state. We're given just a taste of his background, enough for us to understand his situation without getting bored at all. You take us right back into the action with the wolf puppy Asher, and the snatching of the muffins. As for your writing style in general, I appreciate your attention to detail, and your lovely little metaphors lend a colorful voice to the narrator, such as the bit about roadkill.

I'm guessing that Mason is a human because he describes the face at the cafe as a monster's. Otherwise, though, I'm not sure. I have a feeling that this monster is friendly because you use a neutral verb to describe her face ("peering"); maybe she left those muffins out on purpose.

Keep up the good work and happy writing!

luna889 says...

Thanks for all the complements and the review!!

User avatar
37 Reviews

Points: 1767
Reviews: 37

Wed Feb 27, 2019 3:10 pm
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Boluk wrote a review...

Howdy Boluk here! I’ll be reviewing your story for the day. Now before I make my review I will tell you the order of how the review will go. Firstly there will be what I like, after that there will be what I dislike, and thirdly a conclusion and overall rating. With that all said time to go into the review:

What I liked: I liked how this chapter gave me a lot of exposition but didn’t make me feel overwhelmed. I also like that this is an undertake fanfic with an original charachter who isn’t a poorly written self insert who’s all like: “LOL RAWR XD IM FRENDZ WIF FRISK BUT EVEN BETTERER” it’s just an original charachter who seems to have flaws and that’s all I want in a fanfic. In my own opinion all fanfics with original charachters should be like this where their a charachter first and the setting they live in secondly.

What I disliked: for me this story seems to be a bit on the short side. It’s not able to fully flesh out everything, although I suppose it doesn’t have to. I just want more fleshing out is all. For example we could maybe get more explanation on how the main charachter was kicked out of their home. Maybe we could get like how they felt.

Nitpicks: I’m assuming the protagonist is human and also that this takes place after the pacifist run in undertale. How do cars exsist? I highly doubt humans and monsters were able to peacefully coexsist for at least fourteen years.

Conclusion: in conclusion this was a very well made chapter, it has ambiancea, setting and makes us as readers hungry for more. I truly wish to see more in the future.

Rating: I rate this chapter 3.4 garbage can lids out of 5

luna889 says...

Thank you so much for the complements! I really hadn't realized it was that short when I first typed it.The second and third chapters are longer than this one,I will be posting them soon as well as soon as I get more points. As for when the story takes place it is after a pacifist run and I tried to make it in modern times.

“Hope” is the thing with feathers - That perches in the soul - And sings the tune without the words - And never stops - at all -
— Emily Dickinson