oh, love

by lillianna

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Points: 3050
Reviews: 174

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Fri Jun 26, 2020 10:15 pm

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JesseWrites wrote a review...

Hello there,

So, I'm guessing capitalization is a choice, not something forgotten. That style really fits with the broken heart kind idea. It's almost a childlike feeling, which I think describes love and it's turns, being good or bad.

The words give off a development. A change in view happened from the first few lines to the last as, I'm guessing, they learned more and got mature. It's very great in how it's written because it's free and open, yet still contained enough.

It's deep because it is a part of life. You captured that point well. It sounds like one of those romance movies that end badly, but in a poetic way. It's sadly romantic and it is heavy with emotion.

I love how it's put together.
Have a good day,
Haley.

lillianna says...

thanks for stopping by! you got everything completely right. thank you for taking the time to read this and dig deep into this. have a wonderful evening.

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Fri Jun 26, 2020 4:26 pm

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mythh wrote a review...

Hey, I've been stuck in this thought phase for some time now, so I just wanted to drop by and write a review to acknowledge this, because I can't help but relate.

oh, love
what a sweet thing it would be
if it didn't always end

It's a good thing you've started with this because this is probably the most relatable thing for anyone who has ever experienced the end of a relationship. What I'm saying is that it's easy to build from, and it calls for or attracts engagement, mainly because of how relatable it is.

every girl...
...love doesn't last in my experience

And here it goes deeper. Well, mostly because here, it was completely about your experience and point of view. I'd say that everything here was great.

There's just one very minor problem here:

but i was knocked down by surprise
my heart melted when i started to think about him in a different way
all the jealousy suddenly made sense

I'd say that there needs to be a comma after "different way" because it breaks the rhythm otherwise, as there's no pause.

jumping off the cliff would take guts
something i don't have
so what do i do now

It does take guts; a farm full of guts filled in sacks of hay. If you don't have it, then well you've got to let someone carry you. You can't always depend on yourself. It's too much of a burden to put on yourself.

I really like the last verse, 'cause it seems like you're talking to the lover. It's asking for perspective though you know that there isn't a new view to be found.

That's all, I guess.

Please do keep writing.

Yours sincerely,
Myth <3

lillianna says...

thank you for stopping by. i%u2019m so glad you can relate. it%u2019s my emotions right now in the rawest form. have a lovely day!

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Fri Jun 26, 2020 12:02 am

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EternalRain wrote a review...

Heya lulon! I’m going to try my best to review this, but I’m not the best poetry reviewer so take my thoughts with a grain of salt.

First off, I want to say that the confusion and sadness of love was really clear! I also think it’s something a lot of people can relate to—at least, I most certainly can relate to the sort of hopelessness of romantic love.

oh, love
what a sweet thing it would be
if it didn’t always end

I really liked this first stanza! The line breaks were smooth and rhythmic, and the stanza started the poem off with the pretty somber tone. This might be my favorite stanza in the poem! It’s short, but it’s blunt and and it works really well. I also like the last stanza, because it pulls the poem full circle with the “oh love” repetition and connects back to the “love is hard” sentiment of this first stanza.

Speaking of rhythmic, I feel like there were parts of the poem that felt less ~flowy~ than others. I think some of this in part has to do with the abundance of “yet”s or “but”s. I noticed that these are ways of kinda backtracking thoughts, so it breaks up the current thought. Here’s an example (because that was an odd explanation lol):

I couldn’t contain my joy, and at the same time, sadness

and

the world makes love seem impossible
and have so much meaning
yet so little at the same moment

I found both of these bits just to be a wordier than they needed to be. The ideas behind them are really great but the interruption with the sort of “and yet” thought disrupts the flow a bit for me (I hope that makes sense).

My last thought is more of a suggestion, and that’s expanding upon the imagery! I really like some of the lines, like “sadness and anger rush over me like a tidal wave” — and I think it could be really effective in demonstrating more emotion if that metaphor was expanded. For example, “drowning me with my late night tears” or something like that. It might make more an even richer emotional poem.

Still, though, I think you’ve really captured some emotions nicely in this poem! I can feel the pain of the confusion and heartache of (perhaps?) first love, and liking someone and they don’t like you back (or even just liking someone and being afraid to take that first step into a relationship). Great work!!

Peace,
~EternalRain

lillianna says...

thanks so much for reviewing! i am so glad you liked the first stanza. i also agree that some parts don%u2019t flow very well, and i as i read through it again, it does have a lot of buts and yets. this was a bit of a anger poem. it%u2019s quite raw and unedited, so i%u2019m glad people are taking the time to review this! thanks for the feedback!

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Thu Jun 25, 2020 9:43 pm

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Cow wrote a review...

Hello hello! I’m reviewing from my phone so bear with me! : )

So, somewhat short yes also long, this poem makes me SAD. Why? The words used and the tone is sorrowful yet hopeful in some light, which really makes it a good read. I like the line about jumping off a cliff, really a good description but then the next line is just... oh.

Overall, I liked it. Made me sad for whoever this is, wishing I could help.

- Cow

lillianna says...

thanks. the tone was meant to be very sad, yet hopeful. you got that so right! it%u2019s about me actually, so thanks for wanting to help. love is very difficult right now for me, and that%u2019s the meaning behind the poem. thanks for stopping by!

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oh, love

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