Young Writers Society


E - Everyone

to you, my love from far away

by loveissourgrapes


i fancy...

i fancy you. 

the embracement of your hugs during midnight. 

your sunshine smile beaming and making all the colors of the rainbow shine. 

the butterflies in my belly as you tell me you love me. 

the bickering noises both of us make in the middle of the night 'til your brothers scold us for being too noisy. 

your sarcastic and annoying personality. 

i could write an essay of how many things i fancy about you.

hope you fancy me too. 

people say...

people say were different. 

people say when two people are different, 

they don't attract and get along with each other. 

our relationship is like something different. 

you like going to the beach, but i prefer the mountains. 

you prefer the colors pink and white, when i prefer purple and black. 

you prefer hip-hop and pop, but i like jazz and rnb. 

you prefer the morning, but i like the night.

you have a 4d personality, and i am the driest most blunt person to talk to,

but you still talk to me and love me when i act crazy and boring.

and if you were being too loud, i would shush you up.

you would be sensitive, and i would take care of your soft side.

be well, and i hope you get to read my letters. 

i love you.


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517 Reviews


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Thu Jan 12, 2023 4:41 pm
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vampricone6783 wrote a review...



I think that the title works with the story! No, it’s not unrealistic. A wife misses her husband, so she writes letters to him. I think that the ending is great. I wonder what time period this takes place in. I really like the aesthetic board’s vibes. It’s so pretty. I enjoyed reading this story/poem/letter. I thought that it brought out
really wholesome and romantic vibes.

I wish you a great day/night.






Thank you!



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Thu Jan 12, 2023 4:29 pm
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waterfalls wrote a review...



hello!
okay, first of all, I love the whole aesthetic setup for this. your mood board really matches up with it, and I love the vocabulary you use throughout the piece, like:

i fancy you.


it's just very refreshing.
and to answer your questions;

1. I think the ending is great. You don't need to add another piece of writing related to this, but I recommend it, if you could add a letter from the husband, you should!!

2. yes, i see some.

i could write an essay of who many things i fancy about you.


should be *how many things i fancy about you

and
they don't attract and get along to each other.


should be *get along with each other

3. nah, don't worry i write stuff like that too (or daydream about it)

also, I think you should change the title. It isn't telling us much about what the piece is going to be about, maybe you can change it to something slightly longer and something that'll give us a hint of what this is. maybe adding the words "love" or "letter"? i'm not entirely sure.

Overall, I really enjoyed reading your piece, it's such a sweet story. It's amazing, and you did a great job :D Bye!






Thank you for your review. I'll fix it c:



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Wed Jan 11, 2023 2:00 pm
Liminality wrote a review...



Hi there Ina! Lim here with the review you requested.

General Impressions

I thought this was a sweet story. The word choices like “I fancy you” and “attract” make me think this is about a romantic relationship or about romantic feelings from one person to another? I’ve usually seen “fancy” being used in a romantic context. I could be wrong, though. I think the overall theme of the story / letter could be something like unconditional love. The narrator talks about how they love both the positive and negative sides of the addressee, for example their “sunshine smile” but also their “sarcastic and annoying personality”. Phrases like “hope you fancy me too” and “i hope you get to read my letters” make it seem like this piece is a love confession written by the narrator or main character, so portraying the period of time just before a romantic relationship starts perhaps.

our relationship is like something different.
you like going to the beach, but prefer the mountains.

I didn’t quite understand these sentences. Is it supposed to be the “I” preferring the mountains? Based on the rest of this part, I’d assume that is what fits the pattern. As for the line about the relationship, I wonder if the “like” there is necessary, since it seems that it is the case that their relationship doesn’t conform to what “people say”. So I read the meaning of that line as being that their relationship “is different” rather than “is like something different”. But maybe that’s just me.

Characters and Imagery

Something I like about this piece is how you’ve given the two characters specific traits. For example, I kind of see the morning/night opposition reflected in the characters’ interests. The addressee likes “pink and white”, brighter colours, whereas the narrator who prefers the night over morning chooses darker colours. I also liked the touch of including their music preferences, because that’s one thing I think even very close loved ones will tend to disagree about xD If there’s something to improve here, I think I would have liked to see more descriptions that show what these two characters lives are like. For example, maybe the places where they hang out, or going more into a scene where they bicker with one another. I think that would help make them more relatable.

Plot and Structure

Something I think could be improved about the structure would be extending maybe the last part from “but you still talk to me” to “be well”. This is because the previous part about their differences seem to introduce a ‘problem’ in the story. So as I reader I kind of expect that there will be more of an explanation of how the problem is resolved. The descriptions in the last part are more vague – for example, what does “being too loud” involve? Shouting at midnight? Over the phone? And how does the narrator intend to “shush” this person? Having more expansion on this part especially would make the story more satisfying, in my opinion.

Overall

I think this piece of writing has a neat idea and some good details when it comes to the characters. If you are planning on revising this or if you’re about to work on your next piece, my main suggestions would be to spend more time describing important characters, relationships and places – that is, those that are most important to the story or message you want to convey to the reader.

Hope this helps – let me know if you’d like more feedback on something specific!
-Lim






Hi, Lim! Thank you for reviewing my story. Actually, the line, "you like going to the beach, but i prefer the mountains", I forgot to put "i" hehe, thank you for noticing. The line "being too loud" is like before he went to the military, he was noisy making jokes at midnight and she shushes him in a gentle way no matter how funny he is and for the line: "but you still talk to me" as like people say she's boring and cold but her husband talks to her and understands how she really feels. The line: "be well" is that she wants her husband to be well as he stays in a different country. The character of the husband, "sarcastic and annoying personality", she says these words in a sweet way. He makes funny and cute sarcastic answers and jokes, and he might seem annoying to other people and she used these words to joke around that people think if him like that. I hope you understand. By the way, in the note down in the comments says that she writes to him about their old memories together because she misses him.

I will revise my work later and post that mood board. But I have a little question for you: do you think the title of my work is okay? Have a nice day/night.



Liminality says...


Ah - I hadn't seen that note there! Having gone through it:

I think the title sets me up for a story taking place in the present-day era. I tend to associate one-word titles with the late 2000s - I don't think they were super prominent in works coming from the 1950s or 1960s for example. If you don't mind me making some suggestions, maybe something like 'a letter from your love back home' or 'to you, far away' might seem less modern?

(As for the questions in your note)

1. The ending seems fine to me generally! I can imagine you could polish this piece by adding more to this letter, but I don't think it *needs* a separate work to make it make sense.

3. I think it's perfectly fine for you to aim to write that story. I guess something that might have helped me understand the context would be time markers? I totally thought that the lines that you said are 'past memories' were something that was still ongoing, and that the narrator still sees this husband regularly. Maybe adding something like the past tense form descriptions of when exactly that happened might help? For example:

the bickering noises both of us made back then 'til your brothers scolded us for being too noisy.





Thanks for the ideas and answering the questions in the note. I'll polish some other time when I get words and more ideas, and thank you for also noticing the words I used for the "past memories" of her and her husband. I'll fix it. Thanks again.



Liminality says...


You're very welcome! :D



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Note:
- she tells their differences and memories of him and because she misses him.
- I have a couple of questions for the reviewers:
1. Is the ending okay? Do I need to add another piece of writing related to this?
2. Is there anything to add or remove, or any grammatical errors?
3. Is it unrealistic for a single teenager to write about a wife missing her husband from a distant country?
- the small letters are meant for the aesthetic.
- I will post an aesthetic mood board for this story, it's on my wall c:
- this story was set in the old times, in case you are confused why she sends letters not message him instead.

Thank you for reading my story!





Nothing is impossible, for the word itself says, 'I'm possible!'
— Audrey Hepburn