Young Writers Society

This poem paints a very lovely picture, almost like an old film. I can envision it. I love the way you structured this as well. Structured like a natural conversation with breaths and pauses, it feels just as you intended and makes it that much more enjoyable to read. Speaking of natural, this piece just feels genuine. It doesn't seem as if you sat there and wrote it. It's as if you were sitting across the room of this scene recording this dialogue. The symbolism with the dove and twist on the saying, "only fools fall in love", made me crack a smile. Overall, this piece gives me a very warm and comforting feel and was written with overwhelming artistry! It was amazing.

Happy writing!

Hello jisrahinav,

Hoping the New Year finds you well. <3

I found this piece raw and beautiful. Romantic, idealistic dialogue and irresistibly authentic.

My review:

"My lover,

let's be together."

**** removing the period after 'together' and a lower case S on 'says' feels more fluid to me.

She says to the man

she loved for the rest of her life.

"Life is cruel,

but when I am with you,

life goes on very well."

"Darling,

I believe we should be together

because my door has open

when I heard your wonderful voice."

He says as he hears her voice.

**** voice twice throws off your rhythm. Synonym for voice?

"My heart has an empty space for you

to perfectly fit in. I will be with you."

"Henceforth,

I will be your darling

for the rest of my life."

She says. "Oh,

I will be in that empty space

in your heart and put it back together.

People say fools only fall in love

but I know

your heart is wiser than a dove.

You are the one I love."

****I love this -- beautiful.

"Darling,

I will make love to you

and grow old with you." He says.

***comma after you, and lower case H.

"Keep life going on very well and

fix every piece of our hearts together.

Oh, I know we will make it to

the end of our lives together.

Love was hard to find until I met you.

I love you,

I know we will help each other throughout

the hardships, and

you will be my darling for the rest of your life

and for the rest of mine."

"Oh, my lover."

She says with all her heart.

"I will love you for the rest of my life."


Thanks for sharing this. Raw as it is, would be perfection with a little polish. <3 Keep writing!!!!

Lilith


Lilith Griffin
www.lilithgriffin.com

I really enjoyed this poem. You did an amazing job with the rhythm and flow of the poem, it's so nice to read and I love the rhyme, the words just stick with you like that. I love how the entire poem is a love confession, it just makes it even more enjoyable. It's a whole conversation but you were still able to give it that poetic touch, that's amazing.

Great work!