Published May 19, 2011
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140,745 Literary Works • 673,686 Reviews
Hello there,
I really liked the passion and power in this, it was very unique and i really liked reading this. It had a great meaning and took me a while to figure out who 'they' really were as an active part in this poem! It is very appealing and relevent to our lives today. Personally this was an exceptional peice of writing that I fully enjoyed reading.
But it wasn't very well layed out. To me it was a bit mix matched and disjointed. It would have been more effective if it was split into even, more flowing stanzas or verses. Just to give a bit of organisation to this. I also think you coud have reworded the first line and put the new version at the end of the poem as well to conclude it better. I couldn't find any grammar mistakes and although the language was very simplistic I found it very effective in this case.
Overall this was a very moving poem that really maked me think. I really like this and it is definately something you should be proud of writing! Keep up the great.... poeming?!?
From CuteJackRussell
Wow, that really makes you think. It will definitely take me a while to decipher who "they" are. But overall, i really like the passionate language you used and you drew the reader in immediately. I would love to read more, maybe a sequel poem? Check out some of my stuff, i'd love to hear your feedback