z

Young Writers Society


18+ Language Mature Content

lungs crushed hearts crushed im not breathing but im alive

by zaminami


Warning: This work has been rated 18+ for language and mature content.

im shaking

im scared

i want to cry

but

my sister and my dogs are in the room

so i cant

not in front of them

i cant even type this right

help me

help me please

i want to huddle

in a ball

and never come out

sweater town isn't here

someone just

someone just told me to

fucking

kill

myself

online on one of my favorite websites

now i want to do it

because that's all anyone

says to me lately on

different nerd medias

"kill yourself"

"kill yourself"

"kill yourself"

and i feel like

i am getting into a mental state

a g a i n

im sorry if i hurt anyone in advance

now im crying

at my computer screen

while my sister is besides me

looking at her phone

not seeing my face through the youtube

and i cant

i cant with this life anymore

i wish that everyone would just

die

and that everything will

die

and i hope to go to

hell

so i can experience more

pain

i just cant

i cant

icant

icanticanticanticanticanticant

i cant

no i cant

no

i

cant

im shaking

im cold

i cant move

paralyzed

im not

not

not

good enough

nobody wants me

i cant get farther

i just cant

im just going to

i cant

no

im not perfect

no one is perfect

i am not fucking perfect

when i am called perfect

it makes me think about what they want

is it money

is it attention

i cant even provide those

its just plain not possible

and i need a

hug

someone

right now

i cant anymore

i just

im crying

i just want to grab a

kitchen knife

rope

mace

and

stab

hang

bash in

myself to

end all of the fucking pain

it wont get better

i wont get better

and you claim that you feel pain

what pain do you feel

no one will feel pain if i die

thats not true

im alone

ha

i am alone

fucking

completely

alone

i just cant

im alone

and cold

no

soul

nothing

life

anything

just emptiness

and darkness shrouding

all of me

im not here

sweater town isnt here

instead i am in hell

burning away into

ashes

dust

nothingness

and i cant breathe

i cant

nose stuffed up

lungs crushed

heart crushed

i am poeming

to save my life

even if its not working


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User avatar
453 Reviews


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Thu Feb 21, 2019 2:54 pm
Lib says...



Oh my gosh, this is just... sad. Like, this is depressingly sad. @zaminami, remember that I am here for you, alright? I'd be really sad if you were to cry and kill yourself. Wait, wait, hold on a sec. *clears throat and starts singing* YOU ARE AMAZING, AMAZING, JUST THE WAY YOU ARE!
Hope that made you feel better. Just remember: YOU ARE AMAZING. 'kay? Good. :D
Oh, if you need to PM me at any time, click on my PM button and start typing whatever. <3




zaminami says...


I'm fine! This was a year ago, so it's not a huge deal :)



Lib says...


Oh, I saw February 2. Whoops, I didn't see that it was 2018. Whoopsie! XD



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841 Reviews


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Sat Feb 03, 2018 7:03 am
Radrook wrote a review...



This is really saddening and disturbing. One thing to keep in mind is that there is very effective medication to alleviate strong mood swings. So going to a physician is very important.


Yes, your poem has indeed succeeded in stirring emotions and eliciting empathy from others who care.

Other advice deleted as requested.




zaminami says...


Hi Radrook! For the future, can you keep preachings of god off of my works? I am an atheist with bad memories and experiences with various Christians so I don%u2019t want it on my work. You can do it everywhere else, but just not on mine. Thanks for the review anyhow!



Radrook says...


It isn't on your work. It is on my review of your work. your work stands as it was written-untouched by any of my comments. Please note that justy as you have a right to post your work, we as reviewers have a right to give our opinion on the work or to offer the advice we feel the person might need, That ibn no way vilates your righht to express what you wish. Yiour wiork stands untouched.



zaminami says...


I know it%u2019s not on the work itself, but I want to stay away from Christianity. Just something to keep in mind :)



Radrook says...


The part you found offensive has been deleted.



zaminami says...


Thanks!



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Sat Feb 03, 2018 2:24 am
lemonboi wrote a review...



DO NOT DO IT.
DON'T.
I'M GOING TO CRY.
I CAN NOT LOSE YOU KARA, NEVER.
HANG ON, PLEASE. HANG ON.
LET ME TAKE YOUR HAND AND WE'LL HANG ON TOGETHER.
PLEASE DON'T DO IT.
I LOVE YOU KARA.
OF COURSE YOU AREN'T PERFECT, BUT THAT'S WHAT MAKES YOU PERFECT.
KEEP POEMING.
I LOVE YOU.
I WILL NOT LOSE YOU, HANG ON.
I WILL LITERALLY GIVE YOU EVERY INTERNET HUG POSSIBLE AND ONE DAY THE BIGGEST PHYSICAL HUG EVER. *HUG* *HUG HUGHUGHUGHUGHUGHUG*
IGNORE THE ***HOLES WHO WERE STUPID ENOUGH TO TELL YOU THOSE THINGS.
THEY ARE THE ONES WHO WANT ATTENTION, THEY ARE IDIOTS WHO DON'T KNOW THEIR *** FROM THEIR FACE, AND I DON'T WISH THAM DEATH, JUST THAT THEY GET ****ING EDUCATED.
LET THIS WARM YOU!
LET MY WORDS INTO YOUR HEART AND WARM YOU!
I KNOW IT'S CHEESY, BUT PLEASE GET AWAY FROM THE COLD.
I DON'T EXACTLY KNOW HOW YOU FEEL, TO BE HONEST, BUT I HAVE BEEN TO DARK PLACES TOO!
AND YOU WERE ONE OF THE PEOPLE WHO HELPED ME OUT!
PLEASE DON'T DIE!
PLEASE.
I'M BEGGING YOU.
AND WHY?
because, kara, i ****ing love you. not because i want attention or money, or because you subscribed to my club, or your following me. i love you because i got to know you. i got to see how sassy you could be, how even though you said certain things a certain way, i understood what you meant. i know i haven't known you love, but you are one of the most talented people i've met on yws! you are really awesome and nice, with a hint of spice! XD thank you for staying alive long enough for me to meet you... please stay alive, there are so many people who haven't been blessed with your presence like me. please kara. i love you. <3 You are strong and you can make it.

~Angel<3




lemonboi says...


honestly, little things i notice you do make me smile to myself
*cough* like liking your own work *cough*



Willard says...


why is this a review.



lemonboi says...


idk i didn't mean to make it one oops... i'll donate the points i got to her hold on...



lemonboi says...


okay, done



lemonboi says...


wait are you spamming me? no seriously i've no idea what it looks like



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125 Reviews


Points: 3476
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Sat Feb 03, 2018 1:17 am
LakeOfCancer wrote a review...



Kara....ya know what I said last Friday, about what I wanted to do? This is how I felt. I know that you think everything is total s*** right now, but guess what, you have someone. No, not someone, someones! Emma, me, Angel, Izzy, Ash, even Sam. You can't tell me that you don't have anyone to help you, or any one that would care, because you do. Now, you know something? When I write a poem, about how I hate myself, or I'm drowning in sadness? Well, I cry when i do it, it helps me. Whether you knew that or not, I do.

And I like Sweater Town too. It's a good place to hide, sometimes to cry, and it's always warm there. But Sweater Town doesn't help sometimes, like right now. I know you want to die, and I do too, but I can't. At least, not anymore.

Kara...I went to the doctor yesterday, and I was diagnosed with anger issues (which isn't really surprising) and suicidal thoughts. I want to cut, I honestly do...but like you said, it doesn't help. What does help is talking to someone who can relate, like me, Emma, Sam, everyone else I listed above. I'm too lazy to write out the rest of their names. Anyway, I promise that you will be okay. Maybe not tonight, maybe not tomorrow, maybe even not in a month, but if you kill yourself, do you realize how many people will actually CARE? Do you realize how much pain you will leave in your wake? I won't be able to live without knowing that you're gonna be confused as all hell when you walk into something unexpectedly, when you sass people and we laugh because it's you, when you tell us that everything will be okay when we're at our lowest points.

And I know everyone else feels the same way. So, please....please stay alive. Keep breathing....and keep being the wonderful Kara we all know and love. Please....for Emma...for Angel...for Izzy.....for Sam... for Ash.




For me.




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Sat Feb 03, 2018 12:54 am
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DeerInBacPac wrote a review...



*sigh* Ok, I saw you write this. I saw the I can't's and the terrifing words that say you want to kill yourself. I see what you are saying. But you need to understand that you are breathing, even if you can't tell. You need to understand that you are not alone, even if I hardly know you. I am here to talk, to listen, to joke around, to cheer you up, to stay up late into the night to make sure that you get better. I am here, for you. Always. Ok? And don't tell I am not. Because I am.




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Sat Feb 03, 2018 12:51 am
zaminami says...



@WhosabellCanWrite @emolemon @lake @MJTucker @Saruka




lemonboi says...


so you rate it 18 and then you tag me... lol i'm so confused



lemonboi says...


well, off to read it!!!




If we choose, we can live in a world of comforting illusion.
— Noam Chomsky