Young Writers Society

I would really like to say that I am sorry if you go through this, also to add that this song really spoke to me.))

This parody kind of made me chuckle, simply because i have a terribly dark humor. I also have to say that I apologize if this doesn't make any sense. I barely got any sleep last night and I've already taken my Trazadone. This song really does make me think of everything I've gone through and I'd just like to say that I love how blunt it is. It's one of the most honest things I have ever heard.

The original song is honestly my theme song, (Because i simply have no clue how gay I am for girls... Like... Whoops) and this song spoke to me because either way the song is played, original or parody... It's an amazing song with raw words that mean the truth to too many people in this world. Sorry for my ramble. I just had to say this because I don't believe that too many people say the truth about it... I just started here today, so i apologize if i'm not in the time range that you'd prefer, but I saw it, and it caught my eye...

Anyways... This is MidnightRhode and i'll be happy to follow you.... (you can do that... Right?)

I see this is already out of the Green Room, I didn't quite come to review it fast enough! So I'll just leave a few general thoughts:


I think that you do a good job contrasting the struggle that people sometimes experience when they're depressed or suicidal with going back and forth about how they feel about themselves and what they project to the world. The whole piece is just the person struggling to convince their friends the whole suicide thing is a joke. -- but as Shakespeare? said, "I think thou dost protest too much!" by the end they've turned a 180 and declare they do want to die. This provides a little irony because the reader doesn't know if this is still a joke or serious.

I felt uncomfortable reading the entire piece. It's honestly not enjoyable to be dropped into someone's internal struggle like this, because you feel both attacked and seriously sympathetic for the person all at once --- I think this is pretty true to reality though. So I wouldn't say that's a critique, but just a note that I think the tone of this is decidedly not humorous but hectic and uncomfortable -- at least for those having to read it.

I sort of agree with Lizz that I think the constant use of swearing and capital letter while fitting maybe into the narrator's persona was a bit off-putting since most of the time didn't seem to serve a purpose but just provided "bells & whistles" to distract from the main point. On the other hand -- maybe that's the intended purpose -- they are putting up a front of swearing and anger and outrageous behavior to distract from what is going on just below the surface -- this deep sadness and self-anger. etc.

As I think is necessary to write on probably all pieces that deal with themes of suicide (I dont' assume the narrator is the author) but if you do struggle with suicidal thoughts or depression, I'm glad you have found poetry/lyrical writing as an outlet to express those emotions and if you ever feel like you need to chat don't hesitate to send me a PM. I don't struggle with depression but I'm always willing to listen and hear what people need to say.

Best of luck in your future writing Kara! Happy Review Day!

~alliyah

PS No! I still won't give you my soul!

This Review has been brought to you by Team Werewolves.

Hi, ZeldaIsShiek, your friend, here ready for another review on one of your sadistic masterpieces! You truly are amazing at what you do. This is the best thing I have read on YWS for a long time! Now, then- let's begin!

The line, "And I said I wanted to stab myself in the heart," was the first major comedy of this song. I'm sorry, but when I imagine you saying this to someone, I can't help but laugh! At first I thought you were serious when you said you didn't want to die and you are just kidding about being sadistic and suicidal, but I was surprised when the chorus changed to "I want to die!" It was pretty funny, and the part about knives was funny, too. It was funny how you were talking about not wanting to die, and then your started to talk about knives and you lost it!

One of my favorite lines is, "P.S.: Can you grab those pills to satisfy my impulse?" because I can imagine it happening in the song! I really like how you wrote this, and it's one of the funniest things I have ever heard. I wish I could record this and put it on my favorites playlist ten times over so that I could always hear it! This is perfect for anyone who is sadistic or suicidal. Have a great Review Day! Sorry if I'm terrible at reviewing...

-ZeldaIsShiek

Hey there DemonGoddess and happy review day.

I have read a lot of parodies on yws in my day, and none of them have ever worked out, including this one. At the beginning I see that you were trying to keep a consistent bat to match with the original, but about halfway through it dropped. That's s good summary of this entire piece because while you did make some very good efforts, very few of them followed through. When you write parodies, you have to be more grounded in the main idea you create and constantly check back on the source material.

More than anything I'm a bit disappointed in this because I was expecting something better from you, even though I haven't approved of your poetry and lyrical choices in the past. The conflicting within the verses probably should have been enough for me to leave this alone from the beginning but yet here I am. You went a bit overboard on the cursing and you can't even imagine In how many ways that screams angsty teenager to me. That's usually why I will recommend people t look at it from a different perspective when they're so intent on swearing in a piece for the hell of it. If it does anything at all for your little story here, which I really doubt, it distracts everyone from what is really going on.
You don't want distraction.

As overall opinion, this could be better on so many levels but I'd start on figuring out the ideas you want to use and then actually stick to them.

Hey DemonGoddess! UTG0324 here for a (hopefully) quick review!

Give me your soul.

With that aside, I'm not the best at poetry but here we go!

Bold = grammar and flow issues.
Italics = suggestions and overall
Strikethrough = remove
Underline = comments.

Wow. O my. Well than. I don't know if I should like this. HOW CAN I LAUGH ABOUT THIS???!!!!
But I um... I Like how it rhymes... I have listened to"I'm Not Gay" before haha. Actually, I have no idea how I found that song, I think it had something to do with Hamilton but I'm not sure. But I did not expect this. How is this a parody? WHAT TYPE OF PARODY IS THIS? I..I...I'm gonna go cry now...