E - Everyone

From The Diary of Charlotte Gilman

PreviousNext
The yellow wallpaper;
it moves.
It shakes and
ripples as
the woman tries to
escape.
The moonlight makes
her restless.
She yearns to be free.
Free of this house,
this- disease.
Even in the sun,
she's forced to creep.
Always stuck between living
and not.
The woman seems sad,
captive behind these
walls.
In the dead of night,
she is recognizable.
The woman is me.
Comments & reviews · 3
Note: You are not logged in, but you can still leave a comment or review. Before it shows up, a moderator will need to approve your comment (this is only a safeguard against spambots). Leave your email if you would like to be notified when your message is approved.

User avatar
WritingWolf
Review

Hello Iheartbooks! I've come to review your work. The places that you chose tobring dawn and start a new line seem kind of odd to me. But it has been awhile sense I wrought a poem, so I'm not going to talk about that much.

This is a very interesting piece. I t really makes me wonder why the woman is trapped there, how did she get there, and who(or what) is keeping her there?

It's a very bleak picture that your word paint. But honestly, when I read them, all I can think about is what a great novel one could use this to make. But thats because I think about writing novels too much. XD

I don't think you really had any spelling or grammar errors,so nothing to say there.

I think you did an excellent job. I could really see this. Although, it really didn't feel like the woman was all that desperate to get away, which leaves me wondering why not? Is this simply something the author left out or is it truly the woman is content where she is? Either way I think there needs to be something on the matter. Just a line or two on how the woman feels about being trapped there.

Nice job, keep up the good work! :D

~WW

Hi, thank you for your review! Have you ever read "The Yellow Wallpaper"? I wrote this poem as a response to it, so it could be unclear if you haven't read it yet.

User avatar
umaima
Review
umaima wrote a review · Sun Mar 31, 2013 12:55 am

Hey!
This is umaima and I am going to review your submission today!

There were a few mistakes in your poem so I have corrected them below:

"The yellow wallpaper;
It moves.
It shakes and ripples as
the woman tries to escape.

The moonlight makes her restless.
She yearns to be free.
Free of this house,
this- disease.

Even in the sun,
she's forced to creep.
Always stuck between living
and not.

The woman seems sad,
captive behind these walls.
In the dead of night,
she is recognizable'.

The woman is me."

This was just an opinion on how you should put your poem, It's on you if you would consider it or not.

This was a really nice poem and I enjoyed it a lot. I really think you should always put spaces or put poems in stanzas.

Good luck for your next work and Happy review day!

User avatar
AmourDevorant
Comment

Allusion! <3 This story seriously freaked me out as a child. And now I have a love of wallpaper-- so elegant.



A cynic is a man who knows the price of everything, and the value of nothing.
— Oscar Wilde