Young Writers Society

That last stanza hit hard. I was immediately reminded of the book All the Bright Places by Jennifer Niven. Have you read it?

I really didn't realize what this poem was about until I saw the last stanza.

This is a beautiful poem, but it's heartbreaking.

Hello hiraeth, Katja here to review your poem! As always please feel free to disregard any and all comments or suggestions I make should you find them to be unhelpful. With that being said, onto the review!

Overall Opinion & Interpretation

I love that your poem, first and foremost, has a free flowing and unrestricted form. It really helps emphasize the mental state of the narrator with the semi-choppy lines and free flow. From someone who uses very strict rhyme schemes and formats, I personally struggle with this, so it always impresses me when I see a well-done poem in this way.

While reading each stanza in your poem I will admit it took me till the very last one to fully understand that this was about suicide. Not the fault of the writer, I simply am pointing out that it surprised me a bit and hit me a lot harder than I thought it would.

I interpreted this to be the mindset of someone escaping an abusive relationship or situation of some sort, emotionally and physically;

no more blood, no more hurt

no one to tell me i’m not good enough.

i hold my breath

because i do not want this to go away

my lungs fill

with water.

and i surrender

to the Freedom.

i revive myself.

Hey hiraeth!

I'd like to say that I love that last paradoxical sentence, "and i surrender / to the Freedom." I also find it interesting that in that line "i" is lowercase and "F" in freedom is capitalized. I don't know if this was a simple mistake, but I like how it's kind of portraying the character's feelings, of which she could be interpreted as no longer important in her own eyes in this everlasting sea of gloriful Freedom. I like it.

In reading this poem, I am reminded that a lot of poetry is the inside of a person reflected in words that are hard to actually say aloud, or are reflections of how someone really feels. If this is the case, I hope you are safe.

Honestly, I thought this poem was very well written. I enjoyed it.

- B

Hey hiraeth!

I'd like to say that I love that last paradoxical sentence, "and i surrender / to the Freedom." I also find it interesting that in that line "i" is lowercase and "F" in freedom is capitalized. I don't know if this was a simple mistake, but I like how it's kind of portraying the character's feelings, of which she could be interpreted as no longer important in her own eyes in this everlasting sea of gloriful Freedom. I like it.

In reading this poem, I am reminded that a lot of poetry is the inside of a person reflected in words that are hard to actually say aloud, or are reflections of how someone really feels. If this is the case, I hope you are safe.

Honestly, I thought this poem was very well written. I enjoyed it.

- B

Hi there!
Very interesting poem. I like the imagery, the description. Reading every line of your poem, I could feel it. This won't be a great review, because I don't really see anything wrong with this poem at all. I do want to say one thing:
The last paragraph of this poem tops it, bringing things to a close. I'm seeing someone "becoming free" by suicide. This is nothing against your poem at all, but I am worried. If you ever need to talk, PM anytime. I will do my best to help.