Young Writers Society

Did you miss me?

I know very little about flower symbolism, but you did a great job conveying the meaning of the symbolism you were going for with the colors and flowers - thanks to the rest of the stanzas, I could easily understand the story of your poem. So props to you for that!

Imagery is a key part of this poem, and I can happily say that you got it down perfectly. I usually struggle with imagining what I'm reading, but your poem had so much description that I barely had to try. The formatting definitely helped with that. Even when there was sudden breaks in the middle of lines (like between "back" and "molars"), I was still able vividly imagine what you were describing.

This isn't necessarily a piece of constructive criticism, but this poem almost feels like a ramble in some parts. There is punctuation to slow the poem down, but it still feels like parts of it are spoken in a single breath. If that's what you were going for, great! If not, you might want to break apart some of those longer sentences.

Overall, awesome job on this poem! I'm going to head off to another one of yours now and hopefully get it reviewed before I have to head off for school.

Fraey,

The tone of this poem is lovely. It's unhurried, not really hurt, but floating above the feelings of this other person, taking it in and realizing you knew what would happen all along.

The biggest critique I have of this piece is that you can use your words more effectively. Let's dive in!

handed me carnations bright like the sun?

i dubbed thee orange, as the sunrise or sunset,

i dubbed thee orange, as the sunrise or sunset,
gracing your lips with a tangerine-tinged touch
before the flavor got too sweet and your back

molars stung and you clenched down to flee,
then you said goodbye in light pink shades
of sweetpea and cyclamen on my gray pillow.

i dubbed thee orange, as the sunrise or sunset,
graced your lips with a tangerine-tinged touch
before the flavor got too sweet. your back

molars stung— you clenched down to flee,
said goodbye in light pink shades
of sweetpea and cyclamen on my gray pillow.

piled
up growing in the garden’s darkened corner.

that sprouted in the brown front yard i let fester.

that sprouted in the festering brown of the front yard

did you mean to leave a miss you in the form

silly plant-dreamer me, since yellow carnations

Hi! Your poem was lovely! Your imagery is quite honestly breathtaking. I will say though, you could probably capitalize your words. But anyways, your rhyming couplets are beautiful and in general, this poem tells a beautiful tale. Also, I like the term "silly plat dreamer". I found it to be silly but an adorable silly. This was a really nice poem!

Oooh yay, I loved this one!

I adored your use of colors in this one. The imagery it produces is just so powerful to me. Better yet, you use food names too that effectively do the same thing, and it just makes me so happy.

Throughout all of this, you maintain this theme, this story, hidden behind these beautiful details that's just very enticing.

My favorite part of this is the stanza 2 and 3. The line break here is also cleverly done. This part just made me smile. I think you did this incredibly well. A lot of things are happening in this part of the poem, it's incredibly powerful imagery while also a powerful twist to keep the theme interesting. It all flows extremely well together.

I think the next couple stanzas were also well-done, I like what they're doing and how the theme continues to flow. I didn't really like the "next came" like it was some sort of slideshow, but I don't have any suggestions on hand either. Similarly, "even more" and "still tried to care for" felt weak too. Maybe they just use what feel like filler words to me, which would be personal opinion.

But I do love the idea of more surprising flowers appearing in the garden, like woah okay why are you still here.

The ending couplet is incredible. Love this end. Mwah!

You had some incredible improvements here, and I just really adore this piece. You did an fantastic job here. Well done!

Keep writing!

Jabber, the One and Only!