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Foolish Beliefs

by fraey


I'm just a splotch on the wall waiting to be painted over, the slightly ruined textured surface that sticks out enough to annoy you.

The trick is to keep changing who you are so your old self can't keep up with your ever-chameleon ways, except this time with tears and pain instead of shades and colors.

Am I grasping at false hopes, these little bubbles that pop in my mind as the day goes on, of course, no one cares about the self-abandoned person, the one who gave up on themselves?

Why should mere strangers, weighed down with sweet, short nicknames from a lonely user who longs for an unlabeled source of happiness and what brightens others' days while letting theirs sink further into the abyss, care about me?

They can't of course, or at least I'll block them, cut them out of every scene, every poem I wrote thinking of them in some way, I'll shred all of the papers if I think my caring for them would write them off for the worst.

Is this my eventual goodbye, written with hurried presses of worn-out keys, a parody of a prized aesthetic to seem happier than one is.

I'm not quite sure yet, but I do know is that I'll miss them regardless of where I land after I slip off the cliff, into either the calming, crashing blue waves or the unrelenting tough dark dirt.


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Points: 64
Reviews: 3

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Thu Jun 20, 2019 12:44 pm
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Mess wrote a review...



Honestly, I felt a little called out by this. The deleted accounts, the ever changing nicknames and profile pictures, the repressing of my past. The dyed hair that I dyed so I could express myself and be happier, but I think deep down is a ridicilous futile attempt to be a chameleon just like on the internet. And yet, every change I make is superficial, not enough. I am just running until everything catches up to me. And it always does. You could say I've almost given up.

"Why should mere strangers, weighed down with sweet, short nicknames from a lonely user who longs for an unlabeled source of happiness and what brightens others' days while letting theirs sink further into the abyss, care about me?"

Been there , felt that. I like how you structured this sentence but it was a little hard to understand simply because of how long it is.

So overall, it's good, relatable, love the title. It really fits and it pulled my attention. I also haven't noticed any mistakes, and the tone is lovely. <3




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39 Reviews


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Wed Jun 19, 2019 2:17 pm
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Corvus wrote a review...



nice another stream of consciousness essay! these are my favorite. I like the tone of this piece, it is very sad and lost sounding. I have to say, I can relate. I have cut people out of my life before for reasons they do not know, with varying levels of regret.

here are some things I noticed:

"Am I grasping at false hopes, these little bubbles that pop in my mind as the day goes on, of course, no one cares about the self-abandoned person, the one who gave up on themselves?"
this sentence is not phrased as a question but has a question mark. I can see how this could be intentional, and in a poetic work grammar doesn't matter, but still, this stuck out to me.

"Why should mere strangers, weighed down with sweet, short nicknames from a lonely user who longs for an unlabeled source of happiness and what brightens others' days while letting theirs sink further into the abyss, care about me?"
while the long sentences are important to this work, this one seems a little extreme and distracts from the point. I would break it down into two.

"I'm not quite sure yet, but I do know is that I'll miss them regardless of where I land after I slip off the cliff, into either the calming, crashing blue waves or the unrelenting tough dark dirt."
this is some beautiful imagery, describing the earth as unrelenting is a strange choice, but I think it adds a layer of symbolism like the water represents sorrow and the dirt anger? I don't know, that is just my interpretation

overall I like this piece, and I would like to read more from you in the future.

Keep writing
~Corvus




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Points: 278
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Mon Jun 17, 2019 7:25 am
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tishi says...



Reading this was oddly familiar, and gave me a melancholy feeling. I relate a lot to the mention of constantly changing to fit in and wondering if people would really care. I can tell a lot of feeling was put into this and I loved the imagery the writing gave me!





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