Young Writers Society

this is such an excellent piece. im not a very experienced writer myself and i know not the first thing about meaningful helpful reviews but i absolutely adored this. mostly because i feel like i relate to the "shattered" sleep cycle youve referred to. the subtle transition you made from talking about planets in outer space to nature right here on earth is nice to read. words like shattering fragments; i believe, really brings out the essence of how devastating it feels to not wake with the sun.

the usage of brackets is also quite interesting. i could almost feel the chill of the winter solstice because of the amazing way in which you have written it. truly a treat for the eyes.

This has really nice imagery, I like it very much. There are so many lines which use really beautiful language. I especially like this line "I watch her full-bodied beams drench".

I also really like the use of punctuation and the splitting of sentences per line to give a really appealing visual to the poem. I think my least favorite part is the first two stanzas, like, maybe one or the other would have been enough? But what do I know, I really liked all of it and was trying to find something at all to critique.

I used to write really comprehensive reviews back in the day, but I feel like I no longer have the expertise to do that. (Not that I was ever an expert, I was just more creative). Overall this is very relatable, I used to sleep at ridiculous hours but now that I have a full time job I'm sleeping like a grandma.

Mood.

Big mood.

I love the meter of this poem and especially its unpredictable progression!

First off, I want to say that I like the ABCA rhyming of the first part (Mars, days, beyond, hours):

I am convinced that I belong on Mars
where there are 25-hour days.

Or rather, I think I am from beyond
this system, from a planet with 27 hours.