Radrook here for a review.
I enjoyed reading this very mediative and somber poem about two persons and a dog late at night sitting in front of a TV set. One is described as being in distress while the other scoffs. The dog seems to be affected emotionally by the distress of its master. The other person’s indifference is emphasized by a casual eating of popcorn. The program’s volume is shut off and I get the impression that the scoffer has done it. Why the other person weeps isn't revealed.
Each description had me wondering about its symbolic meaning. Why are they up so late at night? Why is she or he weeping? What is their relationship? Are they male and female? Are they both females? Are they both male? Why is he standing while the the dog sleeps? He refers to the place as the other person's house. Is he an unwanted guest? Is that why he or she weeps?
I also like the way that it kept me in expectation of some imminent danger or some horrible revelation. Especially when cold weather, drifting clouds and owls are introduced and a tear-streaked face is mentioned. I also like the way that the poem is structured with comments about the dog and the two persons.
Suggestions
Saying it was just an exercise tends to reduce reader appreciation.
....drifting clouds.... is more in harmony with the poem’s serious mood.
Using the dog’s breed would provide a more specific image.
http://www.notinthedoghouse.com/10-popu ... urry-dogs/
https://www.petcarerx.com/article/fluff ... reeds/1153
You sitting with your German Shepherd along side you....
Would reduce the my tendency to see them sauntering along on some walk.
I was confused by the word “laze” described as being in, or within their bodies.
Perhaps the “laze” of your bodies would be better.
Or better yet, ....the laziness of your bodies....
The words“floofy” and “drifty” seem out of place for such a dramatic mood.
All in all a very interesting read. Looking forward to reading more of your work.
Points: 664
Reviews: 841
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