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12:52 pm

by fortis


looking at a chart
of the vascular system
& all you see
are ends of branches,
twigs
scraping up against
that graywinter sky
of the day you were told
there was a monster
eating away at the roots
of your brain

see the veins
& arteries
in your mind?
get a close-up.
they're looking like
so much tumbleweed
all snarled together
against a barbed-wire fence

looking at the trees
silhouetted against
a painfully bright winter sky
& all you see
are the places
where that cancer
has come to gnaw

& when you close your eyes
all you see is a negative
of where the trees used to be


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User avatar
6 Reviews


Points: 224
Reviews: 6

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Mon Jan 09, 2017 9:01 pm
ChibiElephants wrote a review...



Hello their!! Chibi Elephants here to review your awesome work!!!! :)
1 I love it, just how you like, started it and I quote, "looking at a chart of vascular system and all you see are the ends of branches," then on and on with greatness

2 the content, I like how you laid everything out

3....OH never mind sorry I need to stop counting, just you did great and I cant wait to see more of your astonishing work :D





Chibi Elephants out!




User avatar
59 Reviews


Points: 5328
Reviews: 59

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Mon Jan 09, 2017 8:46 pm
PusheenTheCat wrote a review...



This is really good and what I would like to say about it is that you are so specific. I don't want to know that. JK

First I would say that this is really good like when you said

"'looking at a chart
of the vascular system
& all you see
are ends of branches,
twigs
scraping up against
that graywinter sky
of the day you were told
there was a monster
eating away at the roots
of your brain"' This is where I just had to keep reading and wanted to finish what I was looking at and wanted to keep going.

Second I would say that everything else was really good and you could go places with your writing. But I would say try to do stanzas. Keep writing and hope to see you soon with more reviews.





Your strategy looks like a genius way to fight the last war.
— Wally