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12:52 pm

by fortis


looking at a chart
of the vascular system
& all you see
are ends of branches,
twigs
scraping up against
that graywinter sky
of the day you were told
there was a monster
eating away at the roots
of your brain

see the veins
& arteries
in your mind?
get a close-up.
they're looking like
so much tumbleweed
all snarled together
against a barbed-wire fence

looking at the trees
silhouetted against
a painfully bright winter sky
& all you see
are the places
where that cancer
has come to gnaw

& when you close your eyes
all you see is a negative
of where the trees used to be


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71 Reviews


Points: 4593
Reviews: 71

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Sun Jan 29, 2017 7:31 pm
NightKaizer wrote a review...



HEELLO fortis,
A poem about cancer. You used some descriptive words and phrases in there to describe cancer "eating away at the roots of your brain". I can almost see it.
Now that I think of it, I can actually see the veins and arteries of the human body as the branches and twigs of a tree. A nice comparison. I remember my science teacher would make us compare it to streets and highways but a tree might be a better way.
The comparison of cancer to a monster is very much accurate. It eats away at your brain, hungry for more until it devours your entire being. Then it spreads its claws for its next victim, latches on, and kills them inside out. A very, sinister, cruel, and dark monster indeed.
"They're looking like so much tumbleweed all snarled together against a barbed-wire fence". This line was simple, yet described everything. The craziness in your head when cancer strikes. When everything inside you begins to die.
I suppose cancer can be compared to winter as well. When all the leaves fall, your life falls with it. And winter is also the season of death among the four. So many comparisons in this poem!

I congratulate you!

Night Kaizer




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7 Reviews


Points: 89
Reviews: 7

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Mon Jan 09, 2017 9:01 pm
TropicalLove wrote a review...



Hello their!! Chibi Elephants here to review your awesome work!!!! :)
1 I love it, just how you like, started it and I quote, "looking at a chart of vascular system and all you see are the ends of branches," then on and on with greatness

2 the content, I like how you laid everything out

3....OH never mind sorry I need to stop counting, just you did great and I cant wait to see more of your astonishing work :D





Chibi Elephants out!




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59 Reviews


Points: 5328
Reviews: 59

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Mon Jan 09, 2017 8:46 pm
PusheenTheCat wrote a review...



This is really good and what I would like to say about it is that you are so specific. I don't want to know that. JK

First I would say that this is really good like when you said

"'looking at a chart
of the vascular system
& all you see
are ends of branches,
twigs
scraping up against
that graywinter sky
of the day you were told
there was a monster
eating away at the roots
of your brain"' This is where I just had to keep reading and wanted to finish what I was looking at and wanted to keep going.

Second I would say that everything else was really good and you could go places with your writing. But I would say try to do stanzas. Keep writing and hope to see you soon with more reviews.





Beware of advice—even this.
— Carl Sandburg