Young Writers Society

Good job, I am curious what your ideas were as you wrote this. It seems like you put it as art, not a poem, not a story, and I see that it could be both. I enjoyed this small slice of prose, and I feel like it is something of a collection of words that place poetic meaning.
I like your extended metaphor of music and sound, starting with elegy and continuing it with echo, cacophony and sing.
I like how you have rhymes but they are not obviously blatant such as at the end of lines, I like this subtlety.
You have missed a couple of bits of punctuation, for example a comma here:

Devoured by rue, he was now in a state of torpidity.

As the wind ruffled through the trees with overpowering force, the once echoed despair was no more.

Helllooooooo!!!!! Leo here to review....

Requiem...hearing this word makes me remember Mozart!!! If i look this piece as some sort of symphony going on, the symphony of a death of a person (requiem) then it is very pleasant..."But" when i try to read it and understand what it is trying to convey, the meaning is too hollow for me...as niteowl said, there seems to be no connection in the lines...the setting is
also disjointed...is the man lying on a crimson bed in the forest?????

If you want to change the setting, then get hold of some descriptive terms or words to carry the reader to that another setting...

"His soulless eyes" to me didn't make any sense to be honest...has it got anything to do with penitence???????

The last line is dramatic...It feels good to read it...the power of fate over man....man is a slave to it....

Thank you:-)

Hi there fishdive and welcome to YWS! Niteowl here for the Green Lanterns this fine Review Day!

Overall, I agree with Elinor. There's a lot of pretty wording and imagery here. However, it doesn't really seem to fit together that well. The beginning starts in a "sylvan setting", with wind and trees and green leaves and such...then there's a dying man on a red bed? It seems rather disconnected to me. It might make more sense if you elaborate on why he is begging for pardon.

Devoured by rue he was now in a state of torpidity.

Hi fishdive,

This is a really good piece. While short, it's to the point and powerful. Since you categorized this under art/theater - I'm wondering, do you intend it to be performed? Or is it merely a piece about performance?

While certainly descriptive, I suppose only complaint would be that this poem is a little too wordy, and it clouds the meaning. While you should try to be as descriptive as possible in your work, make sure you're painting a clear image above all. I'm not really sure what this supposed to be about, just that it's nice and that you're a good writer.

Good luck with this! Feel free to shoot me a PM if you have any questions - I hope to see more work from you in the near future.