• Home

Young Writers Society


The Gateway

by emilia9ludenberg

Warning: This work has been rated 16+.

Gum-filled streets plagued the highway

A man's forlorn expression, how he cries

"The end is nigh; let's be high"

Chemists declared 420 is a mystical affair

Naturally must be exorcised

Beware, for His crystallised visions

Terrify even the most pernicious of hawks

And the glides of jubilance performed by the Biologist

Keen to prepare their petri slides

Surveying fragments of their teary

Lab-induced dreary mice

The Do-Goaders are outraged

How can one in such an age

Use test-subjects; what heathens

And did you forget to memorise the specification?

But the Scientists are not thy Saviour

Only work in their self-centred favours, They scoff

Divinity and Charismatic experiences

Likely derived, or dwelt hand-in-hand

Narcotic derisions; taste the bland sweetness

The kaleidoscopic gluttonousness

The Scientists searching for a much-needed antidote

Succulent potency, how fortunate

And of course, the Beliebters never did anything worthwhile

Never any penetrating, other-worldly solace

The solar eclipse seems astounding to the Collective

Now that it has been directly revealed

Sheep have mixed feelings about the herd

Some decree "absurd, go be a nerd"

Led by those foolish, egotistical Serjeants

Alas, Psychology and Decadence collaborate 

Perpetuating these adventurous tides

'til it kicks the posteriors sky-high

The poor are poorer; oh, my deer

And society ever more societalier

Just like the pristine Pier complimenting the sanguine seaside

Soaked with those who tied the noose

For they feared the Mooses would escape their solitary confinement

And all hell would break loose?

Were all the Ancestors

Mere celestial junkies?

Their ideas as aligned as the Black Stars

Literature, knowledge, Their beloved Science

Give the credit to thy defiant Degenerates

Philosophical transactions 

Unacceptable in the Commons

Serpents are the enemy of the Zealots

Naturally melted into the raciest of slime

Forever, all eternity, Auf Wiedersehen!

Though their Then whispers

Evoke the seductive nature

Of Homo Erectus

Not so far-fetched

Muses the eccentric man

Sitting with a little Lamb

Up on the Moon

Or Mars, Venus, the Mightiest Black Star

Wishing to descend upon thou Internet egos

Greet us soon with Universe-Truth

Though first, we need Your help

We must depart from Terra, our Home

For we destroyed her Motherland

As if she were another renewable Messiah

Ever since we were anticipated eons ago

We will advance into the Forgotten Region

Of Neva, the Last Hope

And meet Alien Z.O

We have come from afar

And it is time to say adieu

To atone for our forth-coming sins

We have sent a mini Ewe as a sacrifice

One last 'news'; it can only be

The Meta physicists and the Other Scientists

Who can begin this race

But to finish

Let the morbidly fearful Beliebters play

For whom else

Can summon the will and persuasion

To continue this tenacious drill?

Is this a review?



User avatar
23 Reviews

Points: 56
Reviews: 23

Wed May 24, 2023 12:21 am
julia002 wrote a review...

Usually, I would read something like this and not leave a review, because I did have a hard time understanding it. But, I feel like telling you what I think because I know when I write I will take anyone's opinion. I've only read this through twice, so bare with me because I don't understand a lot of it. It seemed to start out as a poem about weed, which got me hooked. And I thought "Oh is it called gateway because people call weed a gateway drug???" But then, to be honest, I got a little lost. Your imagery is so sick and I think you have a cool way of writing, but I was lost on the main message of this piece... I don't know I need help lol

Random avatar
emilia9ludenberg says...

Hello :)
Thank you for your review; genuinely really appreciate it considering I have re read my poem and already feel like it could be so much better
Apologies for the lack of understanding; for some reason everything I write is more complicated than perhaps necessary- although I will say that though there are some underlying themes to it, it does not consist of just one main message. Rather it is a collection of miscellaneous thoughts, sort of intertwined in a way which enables multiple interpretations from many (not done well). Also the title is both the weed reference, and a more spiritualistic meaning too :)

User avatar
459 Reviews

Points: 10092
Reviews: 459

Tue May 23, 2023 9:19 pm
Poor Imp wrote a review...

Oy, somehow that wildly evoked Bob Dylan for me. Which is absolutely a compliment. I had a lot fun reading, especially tripping over lines or neologisms that made me wonder if you meant one thing or another -- or both. (Something Dylan is ace at doing.)


Do you mean 'gum-filled' or 'gun-filled'?

'Do-goaders' or 'do-gooders'?

'Do-goaders' is a fantastic image, by the way.

'Deer' as in the animal, and intentionally wrong, or do you mean 'dear'?

A few suggestions or thoughts:

The punctuation and capitalization seemed sometimes intentional, sometimes not. It wasn't clear as I travelled through the nearly-stream-of-consciousness that the capitals meant anything or not. If that's intentional, I like the idea; but I think ultimately it's confusing in a way that draws away from the subversive and ironic confusion. (For ex.: Why is

Their ideas as aligned as the Black Stars
...black stars capitalized?)

As to the end, it's the only bit that had less bite than the rest. I think that's because you almost completely use tangible images, but "tenacious drill" was abstract. Drill of what and whose tenacity?

Apologies for being a little scattershot in the review. Hoping I can get back to this for a line by line.



Random avatar
emilia9ludenberg says...

Hiya, thanks so much for the review:)
Thank you for comparing me to Bob Dylan; from what I've heard, he's great
As to the questions about word-choice, I did intentionally put "gum" to depict what I believe to be an accurate description of the streets in the UK and other parts of the world
And also for other references
"Deer" was also intentional as I tried (unsuccessfully) to act as though confiding in any animal besides a human is more worthwhile, for many reasons (my opinion, at least) and also tried to do... Something else
Do-gooders is what I meant too. I think I went a bit overboard with the capitalization- the majority of it is symbolic ish, however I think the "black stars" part was capitalised mistakenly- although I didn't literally mean stars that were black (still an astrological reference, though). I'm not great at endings- it's always the part I struggle with the most. I did initially think it was effective (particularly since I enjoy abstract concepts) however I suppose it is too vague on a level which is difficult to explain, and perhaps one should make of that what they will? I might change it, though- it was half intentional, however. Thank you so much for writing such a detailed review, and the fact you are willing to dedicate ample amounts of time (possibly) to analyse it *line by line* is actually amazing. I highly appreciate criticisms that are not overtly harsh/degrading, and this review is one of the best I have ever seen (at least so far- haven't been on this website for long, so who knows.)

Apologies for the lengthy reply :)

I’d heard he had started a fistfight in one of the seedier local taverns because someone had insisted on saying the word “utilize” instead of “use".
— Patrick Rothfuss, A Wise Man's Fear