Young Writers Society

Heyy...here to give a quick review from my point of view

The poem captures the mysterious journey between life and death, reflecting on a deep connection with a loved one. It evokes a longing for the past, a time when life felt hopeful and full of possibilities. Those moments, untouched by the weight of responsibility, are cherished memories that many of us yearn for at least once in our lives. The speaker’s feelings of nostalgia resonate deeply, reminding us of a carefree spirit that often gets lost as we grow older.

The line “to reach eternal beauty, you have to look back” stands out as a powerful reminder to appreciate our past. It suggests that acknowledging our history and the feelings tied to it can help us find beauty in the present. Despite the challenges and responsibilities we face, sitting in the sun symbolizes a desire to embrace life and hold onto the joy we once felt. Overall, the poem speaks to the universal experience of longing for simpler times and the connection between our past and present selves.

I'm just going to be honest and say that I had to pull teeth with myself to review anything :< its not just you, I swear. I've just been typing nonstop for the past two weeks and I'm pushing myself.
okay! lets read this thing!
This sounds like a Greek poem. Like something historical. maybe "smart" would be a dumbed down term. this definitely sounds like star-crossed lovers. Although I have to admit, you lost me at "parents". where do parents fit into this again? I thought we were talking about two people in love? Oh, the dad. sounds like my step dad. I hope he doesn't yell at you. just... stay quiet and get out of the way. that's my best advice for you. I know that asking the man to play baseball with you wont work. it never does. you speak to him and its gruff and short. I don't know your situation, but perhaps sit in silence and watch the TV with him. he'll know you're there but you ain't causing trouble, right? it's like spending time with him silently. the more time you spend with him the more chance he may open up to you. again, I don't know anything about your family situation, so it's just a tiny suggestion.
as for a more "review" like opinion (I know I suck at reviews) I didn't find any grammar mistakes and rereading this, it's like poof! it makes sense that you're talking about how your parents act. I must have had a dumb moment. I don't think it was unintentional for you to not rhyme so I'll leave it be because it probably sounds better without it rhyming. again, it sounds like a Greek poem. that might actually be a good thing.
anywho, hope you have a good day!

Hai :3

I love this so much!! The way you play with imagery here is so evocative!! I’m absolutely living for how you intertwine myth and memory ~~ Like, with the Eurydice reference for example. It's so subtle yet packs a huge punch, like that sense of being stuck in limbo, one foot in the void, just hovers over the whole thing. It adds this delicate yet haunting vibe!! It’s like she’s tethered between worlds, just as Eurydice was, always stuck in that loop. Her story is so poetic!!

There’s a universality to this, like a feeling that no matter how much time passes, some losses stay with you forever!! It’s a profound reflection on grief and memory, and I love how you just let it sit there, stark and unadorned. I've never had to confront something like this, but I know people who have. Death is always going to be painful, but I imagine this is next level!! It's such a hard experience to get over, but I think writing about it is a good way to channel grief!! It's cathartic!!

maybe this is all we were meant to be;
a brief moment in time, a flash in the cosmos

the afternoon sun wanes. soon, he will rise,
nocturnal in all his glory, and he will reach
for a cigarette, or for her

still, i sit in the sun;
to reach eternal beauty, you have to look back