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16+ Violence

ripping myself apart for you

by chrysanthemumcentury


Warning: This work has been rated 16+ for violence.

if i threw up my intestines

poured poison down my throat

cut the airstream to my lungs

and reduced my kidneys to a pulp

if i cut off my tounge,

dismembered both my ears

drank my stomach acid

while breaking apart my pancreas

if i were to preform my own surgery

to my very own brain

all the while i whisper sweet words

as i lie to your face

when i pull my eyes out of my sockets

and break off all my ribs

would i be worth anything

worthy of being held inside your gaze


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17 Reviews

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Reviews: 17

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Thu Mar 28, 2024 6:21 pm
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angelinamar says...



Wow. This is an incredible poem. I like the gore and the intensity. I really like how you expressed, if going through all this pain, would it make you good enough just for the gaze of your person.

I really liked your poem overall and I think you should write more like this. :)




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Sat Mar 09, 2024 3:10 pm
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RavenAkuma wrote a review...



Hello, my friend!

You have an awesome poem here. I feel like you really captured a sense of frustration and bitterness, with perhaps a bit of grief under the layers. The vivid imagery -as horrifying as it is- portrays someone fed up and done with being neglected by the world around them, and asks how far they will have to go to be acknowledged as something worthy --tearing themself apart to find what works, what sticks out.

*Ahem, as for a more technical review, no complaints about content or structure! You nailed the theme and the imagery, and everything flowed nicely. I would recommend a minor grammar touchup, like capitalizing your "I"s and perhaps making new sentences out of the "If I were to..." and "Would I be worth..." lines, and adding a question mark to the end there. Just to help things read more smoothly.

Of course, I am not a professional, so please take my advice with a grain of salt. The poem is great as it is too ~

As for choosing a favorite part, that would be hard! I'm a horror nut with a taste for gore; I loved every line here, how creative you got with it, and that you gave it all meaning at the end with that chilling question.

would i be worth anything

worthy of being held inside your gaze


Love it!!

Overall, you've made an awesome poem with great meaning. Thanks for sharing it with us! :)




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15 Reviews

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Sat Mar 09, 2024 2:53 am
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IllegallyExisting says...



Simple and sweet poem, very nice!
I feel like there should be a few more punctuation marks as well as with capitalization, but overall it is very unique and I like it a lot!
The poem is nice and descriptive. It is sweet and gorey, a good look in my eyes. And the ending definitely adds to it a lot.
Keep it up! :)




chrysanthemumcentury says...


ah, thanks!
i actually scarsely (if ever) use punctuation and capitilzation!



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Fri Mar 08, 2024 10:02 pm
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EllieMae wrote a review...



Time for a Black Cat Review!!



MEOW! Hello, friend! My name is Ellie and today I will be reviewing using my very own Black Cat Review Method! It is very similar to the incredible YWS S'more Method but I have Halloween-ified it and made it spooky! My little black cat friend, Vladimir, wants to offer his opinion on your amazing literary piece:

Mystical Witch Hat - What I See, Observe, and Interpret

Your poems are always wonderful, herb! So excited to be reviewing your poetry again. This was a gruesome, but very symbolic and meaningful poem. It describes a bunch of acts of harm a person could do to themselves and finishes with the question:

would i be worth anything

worthy of being held inside your gaze


It seems to say, I could do anything, and you would still not see me. If I disappeared, was hurt, or left, would you even see me? Would that be enough for you to acknowledge me? I don’t interpret these as actual actions that this person is planning on doing, but more symbolic instead. Like changing who they are and making drastic life choices to try and win the attention of this person.

I wonder why this other person matters so much to them? It is it even a person at all…

Vladimir’s Advice - Suggestions for Improvement

dismembered both my ears


Perhaps saying, “both of my ears” would flow better.

if i cut off my tounge,


In this line, did you mean, “perform”?

if i were to preform my own surgery


Also, this was the only line with a , at the end. I wonder if you did that on purpose to show anything? Also tongue is spelt tongue instead of tounge.

Those are just a couple things I spotted :D

Jack O’Lanterns - My Favourite Parts and Praises

I absolutely love these lines:

all the while i whisper sweet words

as i lie to your face


The while and whisper, sweet and sounds, flow so well!the imagery of doing all of these painful, harmful acts, while lying at the same time, wow! These lines were beautiful herb, I love the,!

Black Cat Cuddles - Concluding Ideas and Thoughts

Overall, this was very engaging and creative! Wonderful poem, herb!

Your friend,
-Ellie

I hope you have a spook-tastical day, filled with black cat mischief!





A diamond is merely a lump of coal that did well under pressure.
— Unknown