Young Writers Society

& i said something stupid that i shouldn't have said then
(or something nice that i completely forgot about.)

hey herb! i'm finally here with the review you requested; sorry for taking so long to deliver it :)

i love this poem so much! i love the contrast between outer actions and inner feelings, and the use of parentheses conveys that perfectly. i also find it cool how the poem makes sense if you only read the parts not in parentheses, but then the thoughts in parentheses unlock another level to this poem. i also like how you don't use a lot of punctuation, making it feel like the author is rambling and stacking thoughts on top of each other. besides the formatting, i love the message of this poem as well! i relate to a lot of it. i love poems that don't exactly tell a story, but instead are a reflection of the author's thoughts. i have a few things i would like to point out, so let's get into it.

(i lack a soul, not a self or at least that's what my heart says)

b'cause i remember scraping my knee on the playground

(it's weird how we associate the mind with being unfeeling
& logical but that's where we process all our emotions,
or something.)

Your poem is incredibly powerful and evocative. The way you express your emotions and thoughts through your words is truly captivating. I can feel the depth of your feelings and the internal struggle you're experiencing. It's fascinating how you explore the complexities of the heart, mind, and soul. Your use of imagery and metaphors adds a layer of depth to your writing. Keep pouring your emotions onto the page, as it creates a beautiful and profound connection with the reader. Well done!

This is really cool! I don't have to much to say, but i love how the narrator seems unsure. The (.) and how 'or something is repeated over and over. It really feels like someone stumbling over their emotions and thoughts. Honestly this vibes.

Hello Hello I hope you dont mind me popping in with a review. I want to say this a very strong start ( writing this as I am reading) I don't have much to give feedback on as I enjoy the flow and themes. With that being said there is a small typo and perhaps a line I would switch around.

Because is spelled as b'cuse and this might be a way to play with voice but it feels more like a typo at first glance. Secondly, I would mess around and put there is no Virtue after the melancholy line to kind of play at the idea both can be faked easily.

Sorry if this is very quick it is late and I am sleepy. Keep writing and drink water!