Young Writers Society

see: age gap

mourning
(mourn·ing)
noun
the expression of deep sorrow for someone who has died, typically involving following certain conventions such as wearing black clothes.

Hey friend! First of all, I absolutely adore the formatting of this. I am also a person who loves prose poetry, or more structurally/list like organized things like this. So amazing work, it really caught my attention right away and captivated me the entire way through. Let's jump right into the rest of the review, shall we?

i hope someone kept your recepies. i can never walk in the pasta aisle the same way. [i miss you]

because i smell beer and i think about the beer you started before you went on that ride and i can't help but think that you could've stayed until i was at least 18 but you didn't and now i can't smell alcohol the same way. [i miss you]

[everything reminds me of you, so how do i learn to forget?]

Hello, herbs. It is time I reviewed for a friend. Here goes! As always, I review as I read. Let's go!

So first I had to look over the format of your poetry. You often format your poems in a very meaningful way, and I see that this poem is no exception to the rule. I take the bullet point format to mean that the character writing this poem is very organized and apparently incredibly thoughtful as seen in the first paragraph where exactly what this other person ate is thought of. I almost see this character going through the aisle and subconsciously thinking of all the things that the character would by for this missing person. Speaking of missing person, is this person dead, moved away, or taken interest in someone else? Hmm maybe the rest of the poem will tell me.

Another note on the first two bullet points: the fact that "I miss you" is placed in brackets adds incredible weight to the statement. Parathesis "()" just isn't as strong as the much less used but much more powerful brackets "[]" Additionally, brackets are straight and form right angles, something that reminds one of something old fashioned as we associate angles with older items and curves with more modern things. Also it gives the piece a bit more of a typewritten effect. So this all works out to brings out the nostalgia of the past.

Shall we continue? Yes, I think so.

Hmmm...this is an interesting tidbit.

used to ride around on your son's four wheeler

think about the beer you started before you went on that ride

i still have leftover sparklers.

[everything reminds me of you, so how do i learn to forget?]

Hi, popping in with a review! Happy review month!
This is such a powerful poem. Your stylistic choices, especially, bring a deeper meaning to it. The tone almost reminds me of someone's inner thoughts, and it's like a window into the mind. The format is very unique, and it caught my attention almost immediately. The repetition added something extra to the poem that makes it quite a bit better than if there had been none.
The overall theme is something so many can relate to, but you capture it in a way that makes everyone understand the specific feeling the narrator is having. That’s something only a talented poet can achieve.
I also really loved the addition of “i miss you” in brackets. Although most people can understand the subtext of each of the sections, that little addition underlines it, makes it a bit more bold in people’s minds. It was a good choice both stylistically and for the overall message.
Overall, this is such a good poem and I love it. There’s next to nothing I would change, and I think you captured the narrator’s feeling in writing perfectly.
<3, Meenal (theromanticchemist)

Hello!

My only suggestion is to capitalize your i to I.

But you bring a very realistic feeling foreword that I’m sure many can relate to! Good job!

~E. R. Magdalen

Very powerful.