Young Writers Society

Hey Herb!! Ellie here to leave some feedback on this lovely poem! Lets jump into this:

I love all of the else statements you make throughout this. That seemed like an overall theme to me. Sort of like saying 'or else'

(because i'm fed up of my silly feelings

or something else that's misdirected & stupid)

This poem had a very relaxed mood to it. Even more than most of your poetry. It didn't sound super pleasing to say out loud, but the words were relaxed in a relatable way, if that makes sense. There were a lot of sentences or phrases that went on for a long time, but the thoughts connected nicely. I like your formatting and style of this. Though I think having it too relaxed can take away from a sense of connection at a certain point. But I think the 'else' theme tied it together well.

as history repeats itself i am repairing myself

(but some things can't be repaired, else i'd be perfect.)

These lines really stood out to me! This was my favorite part. Repeating and repairing happening at the same time, over and over. It really adds to this time loop idea you were writing about a little bit earlier in the poem. And I love how you finished that line- not everything can be fixed. I love the bracket style you used here.

Overall, this poem is filled with 'or else' or alternative phrases. I love how this gives us insight to unsaid thoughts and unshared feelings. Lovely poem, as always, Herb!!

Your friend,
Ellie

PS: I love the word 'afoot' and adored your use of the word in this poem!!