Young Writers Society

Remind me to review this :3

Hullo.

Oy, what a purposeful, staccato-counter-traditional use of punctuation in this piece. You've put pauses where no "proper" pause "should" be -- and the stylistic choice rather neatly made me really think about not only what words were said but how they were said.

This is one of the distinct strengths of poetry. You've explored here to good effect.

I think -- I may be wrong -- that this could be the experience of an adopted child? Or if not, one with parents from different sides of the globe?

In either case, the use of the punctuation accentuated both a) dissonance and disconnect in the speaker's experience and b) an inability to speak directly and fluently about it. I'd call it embodied structure. I could feel the meaning as well as read it. It hit doubly in the final few lines with the fullstops: "but. I want to go.

home."

The only image that left be unsure of the meaning (both in sound and in actual fact of the words) was the one about the moon: "as my moon rises their son
is in fool's glory."

Perhaps it's an image I would know if I had more context? Is there a symbol I'm missing? Fool's glory?

Not necessary, but I'd love to see the phonetic representation of the Korean either as a **footnote or in brackets beside the characters.

This gave me an half hour of fun, just listening to it as I read it through a few times. And the melancholy contrasted with the hard edges of the unexpected punctuation created a music all its own. Many thanks.

Toodles,

IMP