Act Two: envelopes envelop my eyes

by chrysanthemumcentury

why i want you to live

ₖₑₑₚ ₒₙ ₗᵢᵥᵢₙg

₍ᵢf ₙₒₜ fₒᵣ ₘₑ, fₒᵣ yₒᵤ₎

ₗᵢfₑ ᵢₛ wₒᵣₜₕ ᵢₜ

wₕₑₙ ᵢ ₐₘ ₛᵢₜₜᵢₙg ₕₑᵣₑ

wᵢₜₕ yₒᵤ

⁽ʰᵒᵖᵉᶠᵘˡˡʸ ʸᵒᵘ'ˡˡ ˢᵗᵃʸ ʷⁱᵗʰ ᵐᵉ⁾

ₜₒdₐy ᵢₛ ₜₕₑ dₐy ᵢ fᵢₙd yₒᵤ ₐgₐᵢₙ

ₐₙd ₜₕᵢₛ ₜᵢₘₑ yₒᵤ'ₗₗ ₗᵢᵥₑ ₗᵢₖₑ ₘₑ

ₗₒₙₑₗy, bᵤₜ ₙₒₜ ₐₗₒₙₑ

the world is i , i am the world

ꜰɪɴᴀʟʟʏ, ɪ ꜱʜᴀʟʟ ʀᴇʟᴇᴀꜱᴇ ᴍʏꜱᴇʟꜰ ꜰʀᴏᴍ ᴅᴇᴀᴛʜ

(ᴀɴᴅ ɪ ᴡɪʟʟ ʙᴇ ᴇᴛᴇʀɴᴀʟ.)

ₗᵢfₑ ᵢₛ ₙₒₜ fₒᵣₑᵥₑᵣ, bᵤₜ ᵢ wᵢₗₗ fₒᵣcₑ ᵢₜ ₜₒ bₑ

₍yₒᵤ ₖₙₒw ₜₕᵢₛ bᵤₜ yₒᵤ ₛₜᵢₗₗ yₑₗₗ ₐₜ ₘₑ.₎

ƒσя ι αм тнє ωσяℓ∂ ησω

(αη∂ ι ¢σηтяσℓ уσυя ƒαтє, αη∂ уσυя ƒαтє αℓσηє)

and i will wake up again

reliving the past

watching you pass me

and pass away

(i have expirienced death

much longer than you know)

detail oriented

perfection is something we strive for

(so much as we chase for the truth)

nothing will stop me

for grasping at that one piece of myself

who knows

one day i might retrive it

(you shall never know,

not even if i told you.)

so i walk this road

running for freedom

but i wander

i wander for your words

monetary gain

i do not gain capital

from capitalism

i do not find community

in communism

i am now broken and broke

i become weighted with pounds

with each pound

i become "yours"

with each euro

i am now bored and boring

i miss you with each stock exchange

watching the market fluctuate

i miss you with every currency switch

seeing what a dollar is in yen

so watch as i become the economy

because money is finite

and so is your love

unequal to others

x ≠ y

prove it

apples ≠ oranges?

prove to me this thing

for i know

they are fruits

i know

they are peeled

so what makes them different

this disparity

despairs me

please stop dividing things

one race, one gender, one sexuality ≠ the other

for this creates tension

like pulling ropes

in tug of war

viva para siempre

live, laugh, love

but do not live if you are different

do not laugh if you are special

do not love the ones who are "evil"

home is where the heart is

but it cannot be there

for my heart was broken

shattered

into small minscule pieces

because you beat it that way

and know this one thing

speak up against hatred

but don't be too loud

i know all, you know none

#s and ABCs

i learn them

then they stay with me

friends and family

i know them

but they will all leave at one point

> , <

we are them

because we aren't ever =

school saw life and said

let's make people suffer

it has been working so far

and i still remember

everything i've learned

(because these basics

are like earworms

to the mind)

edit, cut, copy, replace

call it what you want.

at its core it's just hatred

say what you want to.

i know you are made of lies

the world likes to make facades,

and you do too!

(i wonder if i am you,

or an altered version of myself)

so somebody must tell me

is life cruel?

or am i clueless?

i know me // you know you

the worst thing about me

is i misunderstand myself

the best thing about me

well, i don't quite know

people tell me this / that / everything

but i know that / this / is / inevitable

i fear that life is fleeting

i hope this life is healing

i know your life is killing

so why do i remember joy?

quotations

"destroy all logic

replace it with love"

"erase all feeling

instead have knowledge"

i know these sides conflict

but my mind runs circles

around my heart

and vice versa

"remember yourself?

well i know you better"

stop that

i just want to live alone

with my thoughts

with myself

with my mind

and my heart

(as they walk slowly

like a pair of shoes

they need eachother)

see-through

liar liar

pants ablaze

i see through

your petty lies

your pretty eyes

your party mind

you are as transparent as glass

if not more

almost as if your whole motive

your whole being

was clear

the problem about you

at least 1 of us is a liar

or is that a lie?

are we honest this time?

i think not,

for this has happened before

speak not of what you can do

but what you will do

for words are empty

without actions to back them up

i wish you would use

evidence and analysis

instead of saying your words

with fallacies

with anger

with deceit

because you lie

then patch it up

with more lies

am i cruel?

can we always be this close

i say, over your casket

i think i miss you

but i am not crying

so maybe i'm happy

but i am not smiling

i know i only mourned for a day

perhaps death eludes me

and it is alluding to my fate

if only i knew myself

as well as i knew you

telephone

i heard from a friend

they heard from a friend

who heard from a friend

which heard from you

that i had hurt you

i'd start the chain again

but i want

the outcome

to be different now

so i shall confront you

even though i need comfort

i push through

i break through

though i wish it went back to normal

i heard from a friend

they heard from a friend

who heard from a friend

which heard from a friend

that you moved on

so i shall too

oddities

sweet mint

and sour sugar

salty carmel

spicy popcorn

unusual, no?

like you being kind

like me being forgiven

unlike the stories we were taught as children

apologies are not that easy

so it feels hypocritical

to oppose you

and for you

to oppose me

midnights i woke up

i reflect on

everything but myself

like i am glossy glass

glazing over my problems

anger subsides

leaving me to reflect

but not on myself

no i am to reflect

on the world

i am to reflect

on problems

that do not belong to me

these questions

that keep me up at night

i wonder

do you have them too

facade made of code

life would be so much easier

if i knew what you meant

by all those codes

and ciphers

and threads

sometimes i lose myself in your words

begging the question

why do you mask your words

with more words

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Sat Mar 02, 2024 9:41 pm

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Coffeewriter wrote a review...

Woahhhhhhh, Coffee here and I’m absolutely blown away!! It was so hard to read in the beginning and my eyes were basically on fire but I managed!! Yes! Now, grab some coffee(COFFEE NOT TEA) and chill-ax and read my review!
First of all, that was so long and filled with interesting, talk-able topics that I don’t know where to start at all! Congrats on that! Ok. I’ll try and go from the top and rant on about how I felt reading this! This is gonna be a lengthy one-
1.” why i want you to live” and “ the world is i , i am the world”- These sections are filled with overflowing emotion and it feels like the character is missing their loved one or the person they talk about but they also…hate them. Despise them in fact. It feels like they hate but love them and they hate the fact that they love them so much that it hurts. It’s a really heart-clenching situation to be in. It’s like they despise them and now the person they despise is going through the same thing they went through and now they can have their most desired revenge. As said.
“Revenge is a dish best served cold.”
They want that person to live forever. Live forever unable to die and end their suffering. Live eternity alone but not alone. Lonely but not lonely.
2.” detail oriented” and “ monetary gain”
Detail oriented feels like they talk about how everyone yearns for ‘ultimate perfection’ and how they want to achieve that and they want to have everything that the other person doesn’t. Achieve what they didn’t achieve. Possess what they didn’t possess. But, they also yearn for comforting words, hurtful words and heartbreaking words.
Monetary gain talks about how the world goes on without them. The world always adapts to new trends, has the latest news on TV and has new websites and new apps. It’s like that section is saying: “Why does the world move on without you? Why am I the only one who yearns for you and misses you?!” Then the ending. “Money is finite.
Along with your love.”
3. This is getting way too long and my fingers might fall off. I would not like that very much. Deepest apologies! So, although I have a LOT to say I’ll shorten it up a bit! I think that’ll be beneficial to everyone. Overall, this poem is very deep and very intellectual! The parts where it says “ i see through your petty lies, your pretty eyes” this part hits especially deep. This shows that the person doesn’t buy the lies, they don’t take the medicine they are supposed to take, they don’t follow the rules that are unfair. They don’t do things just because they are told to. They trust people who earn their trust.
Thank you so MUCH for reading this! Have a good/night!

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Wed Jan 24, 2024 7:34 pm

EllieMae wrote a review...

Time for a Black Cat Review!!

MEOW! Hello, friend! My name is Ellie and today I will be reviewing using my very own Black Cat Review Method! It is very similar to the incredible YWS S'more Method but I have Halloween-ified it and made it spooky! My little black cat friend, Vladimir, wants to offer his opinion on your amazing literary piece:

Mystical Witch Hat - What I See, Observe, and Interpret

Unlike @Spearmint I cannot write a review for every single poem because my Brian cannot focus on so many different parts at once, hehe XD But I loved every single one of these!

I am going to focus my review on why i want you to live the very first poem! It was so hard to pick just one but this one really stood out to me everytime I came back to it. This was a very short, sweet, emotion-filled poem.

wₕₑₙ ᵢ ₐₘ ₛᵢₜₜᵢₙg ₕₑᵣₑ

wᵢₜₕ yₒᵤ

⁽ʰᵒᵖᵉᶠᵘˡˡʸ ʸᵒᵘ'ˡˡ ˢᵗᵃʸ ʷⁱᵗʰ ᵐᵉ⁾

I think this poem does a great job of capturing an alone but not lonely feeling. Or maybe lonely but not alone, depending on how you look at it. This section really gives me that feeling of you being here with me and reminds me of the times we have talked in WFP and I have felt this way

ₜₒdₐy ᵢₛ ₜₕₑ dₐy ᵢ fᵢₙd yₒᵤ ₐgₐᵢₙ

ₐₙd ₜₕᵢₛ ₜᵢₘₑ yₒᵤ'ₗₗ ₗᵢᵥₑ ₗᵢₖₑ ₘₑ

I love the thought of finding someone again. This shows that they were once lost, hidden and unseen, but they are being brought back into the light and being noticed again. I adore the second sentence. This time I think you will live like me. This to me feels like this person speaking has also endured pains before. They know what it is like to not live and are excited for this other person to finally be brought into the sunshine again.

ₗₒₙₑₗy, bᵤₜ ₙₒₜ ₐₗₒₙₑ

Love this ending so much! <3

Vladimir’s Advice - Suggestions for Improvement

The only thing I can really comment on is punctuation.

₍ᵢf ₙₒₜ fₒᵣ ₘₑ, fₒᵣ yₒᵤ₎

ₗᵢfₑ ᵢₛ wₒᵣₜₕ ᵢₜ

We see a comma after the word me, but nowhere else throughout the poem. Maybe this is something you would like to continue since you included it on this line. Or maybe it is not needed either

Jack O’Lanterns - My Favourite Parts and Praises

I love the font you used. Why? Well, it was really really hard for me to read haha. But that made me need to read it slower. Reading it slower let the words sink in deeper. It showed me effort. Putting in an effort produces a reward, which is a theme I got from reading this poem. It also shows me so much other symbolism. Something can look hard, but be worth the struggle. Something can look damaged, but once you let it in, it is exactly what you need in your life. At the end of the day, the flaws aren't what matters.

I also love how the line, "hopefully you'll stay with me" is the easiest line to read throughout the poem. It invites so much warmth. If someone is still unable to read the rest, they will get that much, and maybe that is all they needed,

Black Cat Cuddles - Concluding Ideas and Thoughts

Lovely poem Herbie!! As always, you are such a cool bean!

Spoiler! :

Your buddies,
Ellie and Vladimir

I hope you have a spook-tastical day, filled with black cat mischief!

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Tue Jan 16, 2024 4:43 am

Spearmint wrote a review...

Hello herbbb! It's mint, here with a review ^-^ I'm going to try adapting my usual prose-reviewing style for this. xD So, first off, some overall thoughts! I love how you experiment with wordplay and punctuation and fonts. You already know this, but I also love experimentation and finding meaning in the sounds of words and flipping common phrases. =P Since our poetic styles are kind of similar in that respect, I'd like to pass on some tips that I got from some lovely people who reviewed my poetry... Essentially, trying to make that wordplay or those extended metaphors more meaningful. It's totally valid to write poetry just based on interesting sounds and phrases, but it's also really cool when it's used to create a cohesive story.

For example, with the poem "monetary gain," I adore the capital/capitalism, community/communism, broken/broke, pounds/pound, yours/euro, and bored/boring. But I wonder whether they, as well as the mention of the stock exchange, fluctuations, and currency switches, could be more tied into the story of the poem. To me, the poem seems to speak of the narrator and "you", whose love is "finite." How might the two economic/political systems connect to their story? Could the stock exchange or exchanging currency represent some other kind of exchange related to this story? What about fluctuations-- do the "you"'s feelings fluctuate like the market? Just some possible things to think about! ^^

Okay, and now for some specifics and my interpretations of these poems...
why i want you to live
The use of the different-sized letters gives this poem an uncertain, wavery feel to me. It feels unsteady, almost as if the narrator is speaking while on the verge of tears. The fact that "⁽ʰᵒᵖᵉᶠᵘˡˡʸ ʸᵒᵘ'ˡˡ ˢᵗᵃʸ ʷⁱᵗʰ ᵐᵉ⁾" is the only line that's not wavery signals to me that the one thing the narrator is sure of is that they want "you" to stay with them. It's like a moment of calm in the middle of ocean currents.

ₗₒₙₑₗy, bᵤₜ ₙₒₜ ₐₗₒₙₑ

Hmm I would expect this line to be "alone, but not lonely" because that sounds more comforting than "lonely, but not alone." ("lonely, but not alone" makes me think of ghosts, for some reason. >.> I think the "not alone" part is a little foreboding haha.) But maybe that's the point-- I feel like a lot of us are lonely, even when we're surrounded by people. It is kind of unsettling that the narrator says this, though, because you'd expect the narrator to list some happier reasons to keep living instead of talking about a sad part of life. And ironic, because the narrator seems to think life is worth it when sitting with "you", and yet also states that they're lonely. The more I re-read this poem, the more interesting it gets @-@

the world is i , i am the world
Almost a palindrome, but not quite! (What if it was "world am i , i am world" >.>)
Also a very interesting relationship between the narrator and "you" in this one!

(i have expirienced death

Minor spelling thing-- "expirienced" should be "experienced" c:

detail oriented

one day i might retrive it

retrive -> retrieve

running for freedom
but i wander
i wander for your words

These were the lines that intrigued me most from this poem. "road" and "running" seems purposeful, but wandering does not. It's an interesting contrast. It's also noteworthy that "wander" was repeated in these last two lines. >.> To me, it seems like the narrator has a wish to be free from "you" but also a kind of dependence on "your" words.

monetary gain
Already talked about this one, but these are my fave lines:

because money is finite
and so is your love

Is money really finite, though? Can't more always be printed? Or I suppose the amount of money there is at a given time is finite, or the amount one person can have. The idea of love being finite is also really cool.

unequal to others
Yesss my apples and oranges prompt XD
I like the message of this poem. It's cohesive-- like how apples and oranges are both fruits, we're all people. The poem transitions smoothly from talking about x and y to current issues. Nice work! (Okay I like all these poems so good work for all of them honestly, but I think the messages of this one and the next one are the most clear. ^^)

viva para siempre
Ahh </3 This hits hard, especially the lines "but do not live if you are different" and "speak up against hatred / but don't be too loud". :'( The use of italics was also really deliberate and powerful here; it emphasizes the last line and the contrast between the ideal (speaking up against hatred) and the reality (that it's hard and dangerous).

i know all, you know none

> , <

I am very much a fan of using emoticons in poetry. :] I do wonder why you chose this face, though. I wonder if something like >= < would make more sense since it uses inequality signs and an equals sign? Or lemme know if I'm interpreting it wrong and it's not a face. xD

school saw life and said
let's make people suffer

This made me laugh =P

edit, cut, copy, replace
The punctuation (especially the periods, exclamation mark, and question marks) in this one stood out to me since you don't usually use them, periods especially >.>

call it what you want.
at its core it's just hatred
say what you want to.
i know you are made of lies
the world likes to make facades,
and you do too!

I need more synonyms for interesting. >.> Okay, funnily. Funnily enough, the periods weren't used at the natural endings of the phrases. "call it what you want. / at its core it's just hatred" seem to be connected, and so do "say what you want to. / i know you are made of lies" and "the world likes to make facades, / and you do too!" The exclamation mark gives me the impression of sarcasm, somehow. xD

(i wonder if i am you,
or an altered version of myself)

Hm. *Ponders* Aren't we all altered versions of ourselves? If we're changing every moment, we're a different version of ourselves at all times. Muy interesante.

i know me // you know you

people tell me this / that / everything

but i know that / this / is / inevitable

Idk if it was intentional, but the slashes have different feels in these two lines. In the first line, the slashes are like mini pauses, like commas. In the second line, I still read them as mini pauses, but they're more unnatural since "that this is inevitable" would flow without the slashes.

quotations

i just want to live alone / with my thoughts

Mood tbh. xD

with my thoughts / with myself

Hm I wonder if the second line could be "with my feelings" to mirror the alternation of mind and heart? Idk, just a thought. (A thought, hehe.)

they need eachother)

Tiny thing! Missing a space between "each" and "other" ^^

see-through
I like the idea of seeing through someone. Some lines tripped me up, though:

pants ablaze

The change from "pants on fire" seemed a little random to me. If you wanted to change the original phrase, perhaps you could try something related to the theme of being see-through? Like "pants flickering / with ghostly fire" or smth??

your party mind

This also felt random to me. xD But I tried to find similar-sounding words and came up with "potty" or "pity" or "paltry", so perhaps I shouldn't judge ahaha.

the problem about you

i wish you would use
evidence and analysis

Inspiration from school? Love it =P
Also like the consistency of the theme with lying in this one.

am i cruel?

can we always be this close
i say, over your casket

I think these are the strongest lines of this poem. The "over your casket" is unexpected. I wonder if you could use even more imagery in this poem?

if only i knew myself
as well as i knew you

These lines wrap up the poem nicely. :>

telephone
Ah yes, the classic summer camp game.
Not completely certain how the narrator switched from wanting to confront "you" to moving on though >.>
Hmmm. Have you incorporated / have you thought of incorporating the thing in telephone where people's words get all jumbled up? Could be interesting.

oddities

sweet mint

Hehehe

salty carmel

carmel -> caramel

unlike the stories we were taught as children
apologies are not that easy

This is so true woah. That'd be fun to explore in a longer poem... apologies and pride and vulnerability... hm.

midnights i woke up
Random thought, but midnights make me think of the moon, which reflects the light of the sun, which is another reflection like those in the poem lol.

like i am glossy glass
glazing over my problems

Fun to sayyy.
Cool idea to be reflecting on other things too. Reflecting the world around you. People being reflections of others. I think this review is getting kinda rambly, so I'll try to wrap it up soon ahaha.

facade made of code
I love codes and ciphers. c:

why do you mask your words
with more words

This could possibly connect to the threads thing if it was "why do you entangle your words / in more words" or "why do you wrap your words / with more words". Or something about layers of encryption >.> Orrr if some lines of the poem were in a cipher ;D

Alright this is getting longgg. xD I would suggest either publishing fewer poems at once or choosing the ones you most want feedback on next time. But it was lovely to re-read your poems and comment on them in more depth! (Well, either in more depth or with more ramblings.) Let me know if there's anything specific that you'd like thoughts on in a future review (like style, interpretations, etc.)! I hope you have a wonderful day/night! =D

chrysanthemumcentury says...

thank you minty! i am really bad at spelling (as you know) but i'm planning on devoting February to spell checking

Spearmint says...

haha spell-check february XD you're welcome!!

EllieMae says...

Mint this is an amazing review, wow!

chrysanthemumcentury says...

also, > , < means greater than or less than. hehe hopes that helps

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