z

Young Writers Society



manifestation

by creaturefeature



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173 Reviews


Points: 6975
Reviews: 173

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Tue Jul 27, 2021 7:10 am
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AilahEvelynMae wrote a review...



I love it a lot! Thank you very much for sharing your work here. It’s amazing to me how this one piece can mean completely different things to different people. I am not sure if you had a specific scenario in mind when you wrote this, but this poem leads me and my imagination to so many different places. I love the romantic aspect so very much ♥️

-Ailah Evelyn-Mae




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15 Reviews


Points: 30
Reviews: 15

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Sun Jul 25, 2021 9:48 am
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eilisBK wrote a review...



Hey there chikara,

Just thought I'd give my two cents on your little piece here.

the history of horror


That's a really cool line. It immediately gives us some imagery as well as a little backstory and you get your reader asking questions about the world you've put us in right off the bat.

the camera catches a slight overcast of two tall silhouettes in the dark


Really nice job adding to that spooky yet retro vibe that you have going on as well as building that suspense as to what is really happening in this world.

A little bit of critique on my part:

In the line:
the camera catches a slight overcast of two...


Personally I feel like overcast is not the right word to use here. I've only ever heard overcast being used as an adjective but here you're using it like a noun. Now I may be wrong here, so please forgive me if I am, but I feel like using overcast draws the reader away from your poem a little bit.

Overall I really like your work. It's simple and reminds me of a retro diner in the middle of an apocalypse (that's a good thing!). Hope my feedback helps :)





Veni, vidi, scripsi ~ I came, I saw, I wrote
— steampowered