Prologue
Our feet splash through the murky puddles on the sidewalk. At least Cissy’s do. Mine slice silently through the water. I hang my head low, my stringy, wet hair dangling in my face. Next to me, Cissy fights for my hand, only to have it dissipate like mist when she touches it. She is scared.
“Sara,” She whispers, her eyes scanning the dark, empty street, hovering over every shadow, every crevice.
“What do I tell Mother and Father?”
I sigh at this question, and blink back tears.
“Tell them I fell. Tell them it was an accident.”
“But I pushed you.”
I sigh again. “That’s why you have to lie.”
“But I can’t!” Cissy raises her voice so that it echoes down the deserted street. She sucks in a breath anxiously, waiting. Then she continues softly, “I can’t.”
“Yes, you can, and you will,” I insist. I cough, ignoring the burn in my throat. The memory comes rushing back. The panic as water flooded into my lungs, the pins and needles feeling, the pain as I was slammed against the boardwalk by the angry ocean.
We reach our house. It is just Cissy’s home now. I don’t know where I will go. “Cissy,” I say firmly, lifting my head and looking her in the eye for the first time since we left the boardwalk. “You need to tell them it was an accident. You need to tell them we were playing and I fell over the rail. You tried to save me, but you couldn’t. You have to tell them it wasn’t your fault. Okay?”
Cissy stares at me for a moment, then nods. “Okay,” She whispers, then turns and scampers up the steps to her house. She pauses by the door and looks at me. “Sara, I’m sorry.” And then she is gone.
I turn and run down the street back to the boardwalk without a sound, tears slipping silently down my face.
My name is Sara, and my sister murdered me.
Short prologue, chapters will be longer. You like? Please give me feedback!
Also: follow me on Twitter for updates about the story @CatarineLuvsU
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Canary word: Present
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125,020 Literary Works • 672,861 Reviews
Howdy ☺
I’m going to review your work! ☺
‘she’ does not need to be capitalised.
That is the only error I could see.
This is so sad, but it’s unique. I’m looking forward to reading your actual story. It seems like it’s going to be different; something that I’ve never read before.
Keep writing. ☺
Wow! This is really good. I was hanging onto every word. The topic you have chosen is fascinating and the relationship between the sisters is conveyed really well. Your dialogue is also really natural and despite this most likely being impossible you have written it so it is believable.
The only thing that I don't think quite works is the last line. I see what you are trying to get at and I think it could be really effective but it's not quite there yet. This is probably because we already know both of the things you are telling us so this takes away the shock factor. It might be better to put the line at the beginning of the story instead.
Also I just thought I would let you know that to me the sister came across as quite young, or at least younger than Sara, if this is what you wanted then that's great you have achieved it really well but if not you may want to work on that.
Apart from that, like I said, this is really good.
Hope this helps,
Wakegirl
THAT WAS SHOCKING.YOU HAVE WROTE SUCH A POWERFULL STORY AND THE LAST 9 WORDS ENDED THE STORY GREAT YOU HAVE A REAL TALENT .!!