Young Writers Society

Hello! BeTheChange. This is my first review here. I really hope this helps but let me tell you these are just my personal opinions and nothing else.

Things I loved:
1. I really loved the colors theme. Being an artist, I define things with colors too. Artistic people will find this very attractive.

2. 'I offered a yellow balloon
To the adults of the house,
Attempting to stop the fight.
(I didn't know, then,
That not everything was so easily fixed)'
This part is amazing.

3. this part too:
It's been said that envy is green.
Well, then,
I am verdant.
(I still struggle
Not to feel inferior)

Things I think is a bit ... :
1. My first pair
Of glasses
should have gone into one line.

2. (They were always breaking, but I don't remember why.
Am I blocking something out? Forgetting the pain?)
The protagonist in my first favorite series
these lines could be a bit more short. Also you can try rewriting them with more Rhythm.

3. Indigo and violet--shades of purple,
They were my favorite colors.
(Back before innocence was lost)
To give it more feeling...I don't think the shades you chose are perfect. Maybe lighter and more joyful colors or as in a review written below, about bruises...you can apply that. I mean actually the bruises idea is better.

Ovarall: I loved your poem...simple yet with great feelings and deep thoughts. Keep writing.

~Ego

Hello, bookishminecrafter! Miranda here to give you a review! I loved the color theme, and how it represented certain items. I have a couple of concerns about your story. For example,
the 2n,3rd, and 4th line of the poem. I feel as if it shouldn't be broken up like that.
"My first pair
Of glasses"
Had a red frame.
I think it should look like this:
"My first pair of glasses
Had a red frame."
When you used parenthesis in the 5th through the 6th line, I feel like it could have been shortened. I say this because the balance of the poem felt broken at that moment in time. When you used the color reference I loved it! How a color represents a certain item, but in my mind it represented a feeling. How certain colors are dark and some are light, the dark colors may represent how they felt; but, a light color could be how everyone saw that person.

I often felt like this in my own home, so I love how I can have this poem to show everything. So thank you for putting this into words, words that I couldn't right. It was written so that even a person who has not gone through this can understand, and I love that. Because, some people don't understand how it feels, but the colors made everything easy to comprehend. I don't know if you went through this or a person you cared for did, but this is now my favorite poem because now people can understand. Thank you for your time and I hope you have a great day. Please keep writing and if you write anything new, please tag me;for you have a great future in writing.

Keep Writing,
Miranda

Hello there!

Wow. This is such a great poem! I loved how you used the colors here. I honestly don't have all that much to critique because it's fabulous, but I'll just offer some suggestions and thoughts you can take or leave.

Had a red frame.

(They were always breaking, but I don't remember why.
Am I blocking something out? Forgetting the pain?)

Indigo and violet--shades of purple,
They were my favorite colors.
(Back before innocence was lost)

Hey, here for a review!

Ooo wow, I really didn't get the color theme until the green mention but it is every creative!

I'm going to start with the end of your poem. I didn't really like the last line, it is kind of cliche and if changed could lead to a stronger, better finish to your already great poem. The innocence part of your line could work really well if you didn't have such an overused lost of innocence sentence. Maybe trying to spruce it up with more descriptive words,
figurative language, or literary devices, it would really enhance your lines.
I also will say I didn't really applaud the second to last line of the poem because of it's not clear why and how indigo and violet are your favorite colors, and yes, I get that this is a short poem, but being concise is the key to writing fairly short poems.

About your first line, it kind of seemed off on its own island and needed some context. Maybe if you try playing around with formatting and shift it all the way to the other side to differentiate it a bit, that could end up being really cool.

Another thing that I wasn't the biggest fan of was your inconsistency with the number of lines before the parenthesis. It didn't flow well in the first lines of

My first pair
Of glasses
Had a red frame.

The protagonist in my first favorite series

(Those books got me through
The heartbreak and isolation)

Blue is
The color of the house I grew up in