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the old dwarf road: part1

by black templar


After a colossal bribe of gold and roast able animals, the orks returned to their encampment and feasted. Led by Gerhart the proud yet short dwarfs had to do this for the good of their kind for they had no army. Months afterwards many more dwarfs joined the cause of Gerhart including troll slayers and stone jugglers.

Finally they were ready to engage in battle with the ruthless and over-confident orks. As Gerhart marched his army in a rough direction to where the orks were he wondered, could this be our end?


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Sat Feb 04, 2006 5:55 am
Griffinkeeper wrote a review...



black templar wrote:After a colossal bribe of gold and roast able animals, the orks returned to their encampment and feasted. Led by Gerhart the proud yet short dwarfs had to do this for the good of their kind for they had no army. Months afterwards many more dwarfs joined the cause of Gerhart including troll slayers and stone jugglers.

Finally they were ready to engage in battle with the ruthless and over-confident orks. As Gerhart marched his army in a rough direction to where the orks were he wondered, could this be our end?


If this is part one, what is part two, a page?

If this is a book review, place it in the forum and if this is a real story, you need to take it off and work on it. This is a fiction forum, for stories, not plot summaries.




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Sat Feb 04, 2006 3:31 am
Bjorn wrote a review...



It is but the breath afore the plunge, or if you will 'The Calm Before the Storm' (A song by Dragonland). And whether intended to be or not, it sure has grabbed my attention. What grabs the readers attention, I think (or at least mine), is an obscure 'resume' of the events to come, before getting into the main story. It's like starting a movie with some unknown person in some unknown place, and then the flashbacks occur, or some guy has lost his memory, blahbityy blah blah! You get me. And now on to the editing:

After a colossal bribe of gold and roastable animals, the orks returned to their encampment and feasted. Led by Gerhart, the proud, yet short, dwarfs had to do this for the good of their kind, for they had no army. However, months afterwards many more dwarfs joined the cause of Gerhart, including troll slayers and stone jugglers.

Finally they were ready to engage in battle with the ruthless, and over-confident orks. But as Gerhart marched his army in roughly the direction of the orks, he wondered, 'could this be our end?'




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Fri Feb 03, 2006 8:16 pm
*Twilight* wrote a review...



So far the writing isn't bad but, it is always better to post many long paragraphs of your story at first to grab your reader and get them interested. So far I have no idea of what the plot is. All I know is that there are dwarfs that are going to battle. Why are they going to battle?
Who is this dwarf person? What is his background? Is there a massive army or is it a small troop? What is the setting? You see there are many questions left unawnsered so if you want people to continue reading you need to include more information.





And on the pedestal these words appear:/'My name is Ozymandias, king of kings;/Look on my works, ye Mighty, and despair!'/Nothing beside remains.
— Percy Bysshe Shelley