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Confluence

by Avian


We used to be like two

Opposing currents.

I’d go my way,

You’d go yours.

We learned to live together in harmony,

But only by living two separate lives

In which our waters weren’t allowed to touch.

...

And I remember the day

When I realized our waters

Were no longer separate.

They intertwined and drifted together

And tore apart and came back together again,

Each crossing

Telling of wonderful stories of friendship

And growing up.

...

And we promised we wouldn’t change.

...

And I remember the day when I realized

Our waters were separated again.

You carved through miles and miles of dry land

Where the ground was too thick for me to traverse through.

...

But even when our lives were separated by

Two different skies,

we each still lingered in each other's waters.

Raindrops of love,

Trickles of memories,

All living in you and I.

...

And sometimes, even the clouds would be kind to us,

Delivering whispers and pieces of what we still shared.

I still got to hear about all the new connections you made

And the thriving ecosystem within you.

We still laughed and joked and cried and mourned together, 

Just like we used to.

...

And as much as I wished and wished

Upon all the stars in the sky

That we would never change,

We were two different currents that lived

Two different lives.

And upon two different paths

We must mark the earth.

...

And somehow,

In some unfathomable way,

I am still reminded

That the vast oceans that separate us

Are the same forces

That bound us together from birth.


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40 Reviews

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Stickied -- Wed Jan 17, 2024 6:14 am
Avian says...



This is my first work, and I could not figure out how to break up the stanzas. Every time I checked the preview before I posted, there were no breaks. Thus, I used "..." Please help.




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Thu Jan 18, 2024 2:21 am
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LunarAirPollution wrote a review...



Hi! This piece of writing really hit home for me. You truly encapsulated the often turbulent sibling relationship that I think many siblings experience. At the same time, you touched on a very personal note that I am sure makes this even more powerful in a way only you and your sibling might understand.
The line of "we promised we wouldn't change" was particularly powerful and I loved the way you made it have it's own stanza. This really made it stand out to me as an isolated, impossible promise.
I really enjoyed the way that you called back to the opening line with mentions of "different currents" and references to oceans that separate.
One thing I would like to see you do differently with this is to more emphasis on emotion experiences during times of separation. You did a beautiful job of showing the joy of comradery, and I think you could have contrasted this with the melancholy of separation to make the emotional turn-around more prominently featured.
Overall, I think this is a wonderfully written piece that truly pulls the heartstrings of readers with ~strained~ sibling relationships (or at least it had that effect on me).
Keep on writing,

xoxo




Avian says...


Thank you for a wonderful review! I'm glad you could relate to my poem! Seeing it pointed out to me, I see where this piece could be improved, and I'm very grateful for your insight and feedback!



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Wed Jan 17, 2024 3:45 pm
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Youbeaucupid wrote a review...



Hi there! I'm reviewing using the YWS S'more Method today! (/≧▽≦)/

Good morning Avian! Cupid here, thought I'd fly over a review for you poem today. Let's get flying! (Also thought I'd try out a new method like the YWS s'mores Method...The Boba Method! herbalhour was the one to inspired me to try this out! )

The Boba Pearls: First Impression!

When I first read this poem, I was struck by the amazing imagery and the metaphor of the currents. It immediately drew me into the world you were creating, where two lived separate lives yet shared a deep connection. As someone who has a little sister I understand how you feel at times :,D

🍵The Tea Base: Room Improvements!

Overall your poem is beautiful, there are a few areas where small improvements could enhance the impact and flow of the piece. For example, in the line:

"And somehow, in unfathomable way,"


rephrasing could create a smoother rhythm. Additionally there could be a slight rephrasing in the line:
"Two different currents that lived two different lives"


to avoid repetition and add variety to the language. One last little nitpick, exploring more varied metaphors and imagery could add depth to the poem and further the complexities of the relationship, other then that well done writing your poem! :D

🥛The Milk: Highlights of Piece

What stands out to me most in this poem is the bittersweet of the relationship portrayed. The way you describe the "intertwining" and "drifting apart" is such a poignant depiction of the ebb and flow of a sistership. The promise not to change and the subsequent realization of separation adds a layer sadness but also a sense of acceptance and growth.

I particularly love the imagery of the "raindrops of love" and the "trickles of memories" that still linger within of you. It symbolizes the continued presence of the bond you once shared, the physical separation.

The mention of the clouds being kind, delivering whispers and pieces of what you still share, is such a touching and beautiful image. It that even though your paths diverged, you still find moments of connection and shared.

🍬 The Sweetener: Favorite lines!

"And as much as I wished and wished, upon all the stars in the sky, we would never change..."


Wow, this line is beautiful. I love how you capture the longing and nostalgia for a time when things were different. It reflects the desire for constancy in a world that is constantly changing and evolving.

"And somehow, in some unfathomed way, I am still reminded, That the vast oceans that separate us, Are same forces that bound us together from birth."


For me I think this closing line really ties the whole poem together beautifully. It reflects on the paradoxical nature of relationships, where the very forces that create distance and separation are the same forces that brought you together the first place, well done.

🧋 Completed drink: Closing thoughts

Thank you for sharing this evocative and heartfelt poem. Your use of imagery and metaphor creates a vivid and emotional experience for us readers perfectly. The exploration of the complexities of relationships and the acceptance of change is beautifully conveyed.

Your poetry carries a sense of introspection and an ability to capture the essence of human. I look forward to reading more from you in the future. Keep spreading love through your words!

Fly high writer, Cupid. 💘




Avian says...


Thank you for such an in-depth review! Your thoughtfulness and insight is very helpful, and your kind words gave me a lot of encouragement! For my first time ever posting on YWS, I%u2019m very grateful that you gave such detailed feedback!




You are all the colours in one, at full brightness.
— Jennifer Niven, 'All the Bright Places'