Young Writers Society

Whether I will continue this story or not depends on how good the idea is. If you have any suggestions, comments, ideas, violent reactions and the like, I'll be willing to listen to them all. As I said before, I really want to improve my writing. So I thank you for reading and thank you for commenting/reviewing if you will.

Also, I don't have a title for this novel yet so I wrote Prelude, the name of this first chapter.

AYOOO Valerie died before she was even introduced?! Noo rip ;-;

Foxmaster here! Ad, basically the only way I found this was because of The curse of YWS tagbook, lol. Sooo.... I play the piano and kind of the clarinet but that's about it. So, yeah, I can associate with Blaire a bit, like here:
I didn’t hate school, but I didn’t love it. I found the system to be flawed and several classes were pretentious. Yet it was there I found friends I could depend on and also a few special nooks around the campus I can stay in aside from my dorm, isolated and alone with my thoughts. It was a bittersweet place for me, but I try to look at the more optimistic side.

I can toootally understand this. oh and also:
“Good morning, Sir!” A chorus of voices interrupted his thoughts.

He continued to stare at the table blankly.

“Class is suspended for today.”

Everyone whooped, but immediately hushed realizing the presence of the teacher. The teacher was not amused.

“Sir,” Xander raised his hand, “why are we not having class today?”

“School has been suspended for the week,” he announced. “We need to strictly monitor each student.”

With his last bit of courage, he looked at each of us.

“Student Valerie Walker has been found dead in her dorm. And from the looks of it, she was murdered.”
cue dramatic music. Woooow, murder? cliffhanger, people! I was just mildly confused about the random music titles here and there, but that is it!
-Foxmaster!!!

Hey alpacaboss! I'm here to read this, as promised. =P I thought it was super cool that you included the names of the pieces that Blaire was hearing! I don't know much about classical music myself, but perhaps I'll have to give those pieces a listen.
That ending was very dramatic as well. 0.0 I wonder if Blaire's ability could help her figure out who the murderer is? Perhaps they'll have some darker kind of music or something... I feel like there are so many ways her ability could be used. (I would pay to find out what my song is, haha.) Anyways, I like the unique ability, and I can't wait to find out what happens next!

On to specifics~

Sometimes, cacophonies explode and dissonant notes strangle my senses, causing my brain to spiral and drown in overwhelment.

Even with the consequences of this gift, I would never trade it for anything in the world.

The trees sway with the soft breeze as several amber leaves fall from its mighty arms.

When I arrived at our classroom, the music faded away and shifted to a new one.

“I knew you’d come this early so I wanted to ask you some questions about our creative writing assignment,” she said. “Please help me, Blaire Pensworth, O, goddess of writing.”

“Psh, goddess of writing. Come, let me review your work before you embarrass yourself further.”

Even though his attitude was quite stiff, I respected him and he gave the same respect to me.

The most peculiar thing about him though was that no music radiated off him. He had no piece that revolved around him, which I find odd.

“Student Valerie Walker has been found dead in her dorm. And from the looks of it, she was murdered.”

Hello! This is Ina aka loveissourgrapes and I am here to review/comment about your story. You finally posted a story that is dark academia hehe. Cool!

"Music has always been a part of my life. It’s everywhere and inevitable. Most of the time, I am able to control what I hear. But whenever I let my guard down, the sweet melodies and the satisfying harmonies fill in my ears. Sometimes, cacophonies explode and dissonant notes strangle my senses, causing my brain to spiral and drown in overwhelment. Do I like that I have an uncanny ability to hear music associated with certain objects? Do I like the fact that I have to keep this secret to myself because my gift is too complex to explain? Do I like having this gift?

Even with the consequences of this gift, I would never trade it for anything in the world."

So we have the narrator in the introduction. I do not know the gender of the narrator but I think it is girl. Because I didn't read the thing that you posted on your wall because I don't like spoiling myself with books and movies. The descriptions about her gift is good. The gift to have music in her ears that match that situation so she knows something bad or good may happen. If I had that superpower/gift, since I have tinnitus in my ears, it would help my ears not have have at all. A suggestion is, you could separate her thoughts from her actions and dialogue by putting her thoughts in italics. The description of what happens to her brain is quite good too. The title of songs to separate each moment that the mood changes are good too.

"Every morning is a different set of notes, tunes, and keys. But I love it when this simple tune plays. The world sings it when everything is going well and it is at peace. Giant clouds gently roll along the cerulean sky. Its smaller cousins cover the sun like a thin veil. The trees sway with the soft breeze as several amber leaves fall from its mighty arms. Nature was in tune with the melody filling my ears. I hummed along to what I was hearing on my way to school. I found it hilarious how the music resounded some minor keys the closer I went to my university."

Since I am pretty new to a new writing style of yours, the descriptions of the tunes and melodies are great. Good job because I can see you are improving on your writing skills and this writing style suit s you too. Describing a school that is dark academia seems difficult for me but good for you, you were able to describe it well. This information can also make your readers' imaginations make them imagine about the setting of your storyline.

"I didn’t hate school, but I didn’t love it. I found the system to be flawed and several classes were pretentious. Yet it was there I found friends I could depend on and also a few special nooks around the campus I can stay in aside from my dorm, isolated and alone with my thoughts. It was a bittersweet place for me, but I try to look at the more optimistic side."

The sentence, "I didn't hate school, but I didn't love it." It would be better if it was like, "I did not hate school, but I did not love it either." By the way, this is just a suggestion. This paragraph explains the narrator has a few friend to trust around the campus/university. Because it is realistic that school to most people, is a bittersweet place.

"If you hear what I hear, you can probably decipher that my friend, Lucille, is literally a sweet innocent ball of sunshine. She waved excitedly and rushed up to me."

So, we have a new character introduced and she is a friend of Blaire. I am sorry, I didn't read the description well hehe, now I know her name here too.

"Her brunette hair was twisted in a beautiful braid and her emerald eyes complimented her hairstyle. She was neither too skinny nor too fat. The school uniform even looked good on her. The only thing that seemed off was her wider-than-life smile. But I thought it suited her well."

I see you love to describe looks of someone usually with their eyes and hair. And she seems very pretty and innocent too.

“Luci, you’re early today,” I say.

“I knew you’d come this early so I wanted to ask you some questions about our creative writing assignment,” she said. “Please help me, Blaire Pensworth, O, goddess of writing.”

“Psh, goddess of writing. Come, let me review your work before you embarrass yourself further.”

As I helped her, I didn’t notice a familiar figure watching over us, until I heard a sober, pensive string of notes."

Haha, Blaire reminds me of you, a goddess of writing! It is fun that the tunes change for each person the narrator meets/sees.

“Looks good…except for this.” A lanky finger pointed at a grammatical mistake.

“Right,” I say. “Thanks, Xander.”

Xander might be one of her friend too or one of the kind people in her school.

"The class top notcher simply nodded his head in silence. I tried to concentrate on Luci to avoid the heavy yet classy tune coming from Xander. His uniform was in pristine condition, not a single wrinkle in sight. Even his hair was gelled and his shoes were shiny. This guy was such a clean freak. But he used this trait to his advantage to advance in his studies. As always, he sat at the front and started reviewing his different subjects. I can’t help but listen to his tone because of its sheer complexity and mystery. Even though his attitude was quite stiff, I respected him and he gave the same respect to me."

Ohh, he's classy. I like the classy guys in the dark academia stories. He is a great student, and a clean freak especially with the descriptions of his hair being always gelled maybe slick back too. Each melody that Blaire hears when seeing someone different from another is great. You can see who's evil, complex, bright and more.

"As more students came in, floods of melodies filled my ears. Happy tunes, sad tunes, depressing tunes, simple tunes, surprisingly complex tunes, emotional tunes, and serious tunes. I was about to shut the world of music out because of the cacophony until I saw a familiar figure out of the corner of my eye. He came in with a suave and confident posture."

I told you, each person she sees has a different melody. It may seem pretty overwhelming that different melodies come to mind.

"Theodore Whiteburn was one of the most interesting people I’ve ever met. His unruly tresses framed his cheeky face. Objectively, he was quite handsome. The annoying thing was that he knew it. He loved to joke around and wasn’t too concerned with his studies. However, he was smart and knew how to talk. In my opinion, it’s a good thing we were friends because he would be too much to bear as a rival.

The most peculiar thing about him though was that no music radiated off him. He had no piece that revolved around him, which I find odd."

Why do I feel like there is something up with this guy like he may be related to her in the next few chapters? Hmm? It's funny how she thinks that he is better off as a friend than a rival. He might be as odd as her in the next few chapters because she cannot hear music whenever she sees him. Maybe that might be a hint for the next chapters.

"He was walking in my direction when the teacher came in. The moment his music came to me I knew something was off."

This sentence gave good descriptions. But I think it would be better if the word, "off" would be, "odd".

"His tone changed. The music was usually in a major key. But now it was minor. He was usually calm and serene, but his tone was serious and slightly troubled even. Sweat lined his brow as he placed his briefcase on the teacher’s table. His hands were shaking and his jaw was clenched.

“Good morning, Sir!” A chorus of voices interrupted his thoughts."

He was calm but the inside of him is the melody explained. He may be trouble because of suspending the class because someone as died. And the gestures and actions may be calm but troubled at the same time.

"He continued to stare at the table blankly.

“Class is suspended for today.”

Everyone whooped, but immediately hushed realizing the presence of the teacher. The teacher was not amused.

“Sir,” Xander raised his hand, “why are we not having class today?”

“School has been suspended for the week,” he announced. “We need to strictly monitor each student.”

With his last bit of courage, he looked at each of us.

“Student Valerie Walker has been found dead in her dorm. And from the looks of it, she was murdered.”

This is good for an ending for a chapter. I hope in the next chapter, you would describe how the tune might have changed because the information he dropped.

Over all, I enjoyed it. I think 12+ is okay for the rating but, I mean it is up to you. Keep it up! I am looking forward this novel. Have a wonderful day/night!