Young Writers Society

Hi there! Crissy Marx here to hopefully give a "long review"...

First off...I like the concept of the poem a lot. I actually relate to this poem a lot because I am always given a hard time by my mother and sometimes I want to write a poem too.

I just feel like it was a tad bit cliche (insert accent on e). And sometimes you capitalized words that didn't necessarily need to be if you know what I'm saying.

Another thing....what are those slashes during the poem? Is that just for decoration or organization or what because it really threw me off while reading it.

This poem actually reminded me of the ones people would read during poetry slams. Dramatic ones that are sometimes perfectly dramatic or overly dramatic. I felt this was a little bit of the ladder, sorry to say.

But I like how you are open to criticism. That's the first step to being a wonderful writer. Keep writing!

Hi there! Crissy Marx here to hopefully give a "long review"...

First off...I like the concept of the poem a lot. I actually relate to this poem a lot because I am always given a hard time by my mother and sometimes I want to write a poem too.

I just feel like it was a tad bit cliche (insert accent on e). And sometimes you capitalized words that didn't necessarily need to be if you know what I'm saying.

Another thing....what are those slashes during the poem? Is that just for decoration or organization or what because it really threw me off while reading it.

This poem actually reminded me of the ones people would read during poetry slams. Dramatic ones that are sometimes perfectly dramatic or overly dramatic. I felt this was a little bit of the ladder, sorry to say.

But I like how you are open to criticism. That's the first step to being a wonderful writer. Keep writing!

Good. Really good. I found it to have a great passion. I could see you wrote with a passion. Really enjoyable piece. I loved your adjectives. They made this piece more interesting and delightful. See? I'm not good with adjectives as much as I need to be. Anyway, try not to put 'But' as your first word. That seems to be the only thing that needs to be fixed. Other than that, you did amazing. Keep writing!


Hope.

Hey, I'm here to make a review. Wear your seat belt very tightly, please.

Okay, so the theme is interesting. It's about the persona wanting her parents to understand her, is not it? If it is, then you have to state why, and you have to make it convincing. For me, while the whole structure of the poem is arranged quite nicely, the meaning of every words you used need to better explain the idea of this poem. The first and second stanzas have descriptive lines in it; "plinking, dripping[,] dropping[...]" and "booming, cutting, destroying[...]" respectively. In those lines, "destroying" is a word that tells, instead of shows, and it's awkward being put along with "booming" and "cutting". While the pattern of these two lines are mostly about showing, the third line that comes in the third stanza completely destroys the pattern with its "knowing, realizing, understanding", three words that tell instead of show. "Knowing" is a redundancy, as in before that we have "But I know". Instead of using those three words, why don't you use the line "realization hits hard"? Not only it separates itself with the previous two descriptive lines, it is relatable with "you know that you don't know everything".

About the meaning of the poem, I reread the poem, and realized what was so wrong with not knowing something, especially when the specific person knew we did not have any idea about the thing mentioned. The punishment, or the reaction of the mother seemed to be depicted too harsh. The sixth line in the third stanza was confusing - maybe you were trying to say it was the persona who the mother knew knew nothing, and not herself. The line afterward can be taken out of the stanza completely, and add "so" before the word "please" in the next line to compensate the not-really-a-lost.

To sum it up, the overall description of this poem was what caught my reading interest, but maybe a little bit of better delivering of the idea is needed here. Word choice is okay (I admit, I don't know what "plinking" and "plunder" mean), but if given the opportunity to elaborate more, I suggest you to reconsider changing some of the words. That is all.

Hey. This poem is very... interesting. I can't help but wonder, do you really feel this way towards your mother? I admit you put a lot of feeling into this poem. There was a lot of tension and pressure in it, which I feel like is what s going on between you and your mother. You want me to tear it apart... So I'll try to be gentle about it. There isn't a lot to complain about though.

First of all, I am not a fan of poems that don't have a set pattern. There isn't a rhyme scheme, which I am okay with some of the time, but your poem doesn't have a pattern of syllables. It doesn't flow well, and from what I know about poetry, people like it to flow. Edgar Allen Poe does the same thing you do sometimes but his poems still flow. Try reading it out loud and finding the "sticky" spots where it doesn't flow. It's usually around the third and fourth lines. Try to fix that and that will be good

Also, you might want to spice up your word choice. It has very simple words, but maybe if you added in a few words that really spark a reader's interest it will be better. It will make it more catching, and will make you reader less bored. I wasn't really bored during your poem but a few more colorful words would definitely make it have more of a personality.

I hope this helps and is long enough for you! I wasn't trying to be rude, I was just trying to help and do what you asked. Keep writing!

Rachelle

OK Perfect Weapon here for reviewing Live!

The poem has great ideas drifting around, however why did you add the noise? I admit it is a really great idea, but why the noise?

I felt that the ending however was maybe to short! It was kinda abruptly cut off, no great dramatic ending!( Which is the kind of ending I like)

I feel as if people can relate to it, not just read it, but understand and feel it! It gives you the sense that every person might feel the same way,which is good!

I know this was not very long like you wanted, but I hope I helped!

And this is PerfectWeapon signing off!

It's a good poem. I think i get the gist of it. i rely like how you say I know that I don't know everything.

You know that you don't know everything

it is kind of a *ummmmmmmmmmm*, i don't know, work of art in the making. I think if it was longer and more thought out/described it would come across better. I think a lot of people could easily relate to the poem while reading it. It is a very good poem is all I have to say.

Hey Zhia! CelticThunder1438 here for a review! Or as some people call me, Selina, Seliter or Sabrina lol Whatever you want LoL

I like this poem because I can relate to it easily, as could a lot of teenagers and young adults. Even adults themselves One of the things I seek for in poems is being able to relate to them so that is what made this one easy to read.
Poetry is usually about what you are feeling that day, in all your life, or at the moment you wrote it. Sometimes a line just springs at you and then all of a sudden a couple minutes later, you have a poem. That has happened to me a lot

The one thing I felt was that the ending was kinda cut short. Not sure if you know what I mean but if you reread the last stanza out loud you may be able to get what im trying to say. Looking at the last part is just a suggestion though, in other peoples eyes it could be okay

That's all for now, but let me just say - you definitely have some talent for poetry!

Signing off,

Selina

Let me take a guess as to what you meant. You always say "I know" when your parents yell at you, and it angers them more.
"If you KNOW why did you do it!" Kinda thing.
I like the way you set up your stanzas. Honestly in my deepest opinion, if you want to go farther with this poem yo. Should try using a theme, or a setting g more like.
pick a certain time a certain place and paint that picture in our mind. Make us feel what you felt in that moment.
the humility the anger.
this Is a really nice poem. You did a great job. I hope to hear more from you!
~Inked.